“As I was saying, you are not allowed to go to that place again, not now not ever. If you sneak out of this house you can forget that fancy college you got into. I’ll put you in the local university and here you’ll stay. It’s only about an hour and a half away so you’ll go back and forth each day.” I knew that would get her. Her head came up and if looks could kill I’d be a goner. I sat back and waited for the tirade.
“ I hate you, why are you ruining my life?” This time when she got up I didn’t stop her. I hate hearing those words from her. She could have no idea of how deep they cut, how much they hurt. Mom assured me when I brought it up to her once before that I’d done the same a time or two, and so had my brothers and sisters. I can’t imagine.
I sat there long after she left feeling like a monster. I don’t know what the hell has gotten into me. I can’t seem to separate the child from this new being that was so self-assured and too fucking grown for my liking. You have to let her grow up Solomon. She’s not your little doll anymore remember?
This was true, even her curls were gone. She’d straightened them the last time mom took her to the salon, and that’s now the new style of choice. I didn’t like it it made her look like an adult. Everything was changing too fast; I wasn’t ready. I wanted my little girl back and yet…don’t you fucking think it Solomon.
I closed my eyes and prayed for peace. The peace and serenity that had once graced these walls were long gone. Fucking place feels like a battlefield these days and I’m afraid unless something gives soon, we’re gonna end up hurting each other.
The words are getting harsher and my anger seems too easily ignited these days. I knew what was behind that of course, but wasn’t quite ready to face it yet. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think I knew that I had already made my choice. What a cluster fuck that would be. I don’t think even mom could forgive me if I took my ward to my bed.
7
Solomon
The house was quiet as I did my nightly walk through making sure everything was closed up tight for the night. I set the alarm and headed up to bed, tired both in body and mind. I couldn’t resist looking in on her as I passed her room. She’d pushed the door shut as best she could but the damn thing was hanging off the hinges.
I eased it open slightly trying my best not to make any noise. She was curled up in bed with her arms around one of her stuffed toys. For a while there she was obsessed with the things but I’d thought she’d long outgrown them. She’s so fond of telling me how grown up she is I didn’t think she still slept with them.
I stood over her looking down at her in the moonlight. Such a beautiful girl! I reached out and brushed the hair back from her temple. “What’s to become of us babydoll?” I turned and left abruptly not wanting to look too closely at that question.
I put the day behind me and closed my eyes for some much needed rest. Lately my nights have been troubled, mostly because of her. It’s only in the privacy of my mind that I could accept the truth of what was bothering me. I’m about to lose her. She’s right, she’s an adult now in the eyes of the law.
In another few years she’d receive her inheritance and would have no more need of me. The thought makes me sick to my gut. But I can’t keep her; I have to let her go. If I keep her what kind of life would she have?
Wouldn’t she regret not going out there and seeing the world for herself at some point down the line? “Fuck!” I turned over on my side and tried to clear my mind, but there was no getting away from it.
There was no use denying that something had changed between us after the night of the party. I was just too stubborn to claim it. I swear I’d never looked at her with anything but parental adoration before then.
She was the light of my life yes, but only in so much as she was the beloved child of my best friend. One who had brought me great joy when in the beginning I’d been scared shitless that I would fuck up.
I’d been so afraid of getting it wrong that I’d kept her close to me always. She’d been afraid that first year. Sometimes she’d wake screaming in the night for her dad. Then later it was me she was afraid of losing. I’d spent those nights sitting up with her in my arms until she fell asleep again.
She was like my shadow back then. Whenever I was home she was with me in the same room. She’d do her homework while I got some work done in the evenings, then we’d have dinner together. She was such a little thing then, so conscious of her plight in life.
I’d gone out of my way to be both mom and dad, though my own mom had pitched in from the beginning and handled the more sensitive stuff.
Is that when it happened? Is that when she’d stolen my heart? Of course I loved her then, I’d loved her since the day she was born; my perfect little doll. But having her here with me, we’d grown so close, was this inevitable? Or am I just a sick fuck? No I won’t accept that. It’s not like I’d planned this shit, it just happened. I had no control over any of it.
It wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t want me too. There was no point in denying it to myself even if I was still trying to convince her otherwise. The truth is I was more afraid of her wanting me than my wanting her. My lust I could control, maybe. But what the fuck was I supposed to do with hers?
Should I wait and see if she outgrows it? How can I when I want her with every fucking breath I take? How can I do something that could tear us apart, take her out of my life for good? I had no doubt that if I kept refusing her she’d go away, and her pride, the pride I’d instilled in her, would keep her from coming back. But the alternative could destroy us both. Fucking hell!
I heard a sound coming from the far end of the hall where her room was. I sat up and listened with my breath held. Maybe she was going to the bathroom or heading downstairs for some water. I told myself that but the rising panic in my chest was like a pre-warning. Something that only happens when it comes to her. Like a sixth sense that’s only been getting sharper as time go by. I listened closely and the sound came again.
I hit the floor running with my heart in my lungs. “Alexandra?” I slammed the door open and looked around for the danger. There was no one in the room as I moved towards the bed. It took me a second to realize she’d been screaming in her sleep. In the moonlight I could clearly see the tears running down her cheeks. She clutched the teddy bear for dear life as she whimpered.
“Alexandra? Baby wake up.” I sat on the side of her bed and shook her awake. She rolled into my side and held her arms up to me like she’d done as a child. I didn’t think, didn’t see the danger as I slid down the bed next to her and took her in my arms. “Solomon?” Her voice was choked with tears and fear.
“It’s okay I’m here now, you’re safe.” She clung to me and broke down in gut wrenching sobs that tore at my heart. I only meant to offer comfort when I kissed her forehead and pulled her tighter against me. My eyes flew open at once and I started to pull away, but couldn’t.
So soft so sweet! Her scent tickled my nose as she pressed herself harder against me, crying my name piteously. “Shh, I’m here love. Won’t you tell me about it sweetheart?” She turned those wide innocent eyes up to me, and my heart cracked open just a little wider for her.
I don’t remember who made the first move. If I lowered my head or she raised hers. My eyes were focused on her pale pink cupid bow lips.
The first brush of my lips across hers was innocent enough. But by the third time I touched her soft lips her breasts were crushed against my chest and my tongue was moving inside her mouth.
Her taste was sweet, like nectar, and she kissed so innocently it was hard to pull away. Instead of being put off by her obvious lack of know how, I found her inept kisses appealing. The thought that I could be her teacher made my cock even harder.
I held her as close as possible to me as I let her feed on my tongue. My hands roamed over her back until I was cupping her ass cheek in my palm, pulling her into my stiff cock.
I should stop this, it was wrong on so many levels; but when I finally came to my senses, she wouldn’t release me. I pulled back, taking my tongue from her mouth, only to feel hers tease gently, innocently at mine. She opened her legs slightly, making room for my now rock hard length, crushed the warm heat of her pussy against my already leaking cock, and I was lost.
“Shit.” I turned with her in my arms, putting her beneath me now, my cock grinding into the softness between her thighs. Her legs opened wider to accept me. I saw myself sliding into her; saw our bodies entwined as I pounded into her. Releasing all the pent up lust that has been riding me for weeks now. And still that little voice questioned if this was the right thing for her.
There was still time. I could still end this before it was too late, before I went too far. I had all intentions on getting up and leaving her bed but she made the sweetest sound and moved against me, making my cock weep more. I looked down at her face and saw the need, the longing, and the fiery lust burning in her eyes.
Her eyes seemed to plead with me not to leave her. I rested my forehead against hers and tried to calm my erratic breathing and gather my thoughts, which were suddenly scattered. She took my moment of weakness and made her play. Her little hand came down between us and covered my cock shyly. I looked at her in surprise and the uncertainty in her gaze, as if she was afraid of rejection, sealed my fate.