My Unfair Godmother(18)

No one came. Had she been a dream—the product of an over-stressed, overemotional brain? I walked to the closet tentatively. Last night I had hung up the long green dress. If it was still there, it would be proof I hadn’t imagined everything.

I opened the closet, but the hanger I’d put the dress on was bare. I flipped through every shirt, dress, and skirt hanging there. No green dress. I threw up my hands. “It’s official. I’ve lost my mind.” That’s how the day started. It didn’t get any better.

My chore list included hauling everything out of the garage, sweeping it out, and hauling everything back. Then I had to clean the bathrooms, mop the floor, and do laundry. Every once in a while, I whispered, “Chrissy?”

No twinkling lights erupted anywhere. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. The more the day wore on, the easier it was to convince myself none of the magical things had happened. I had dreamed it all.

Dad and Nick spent the day doing landscaping and painting the trim on the house, fixing it up for when we had to put it on the market.



67/356

Nick had the radio on and sang along, but Dad worked with a stern expression, his eyes hard as stone.

Fine, I told myself. Let him think about what a disappointment I’ve turned out to be. He had chalked up a lot of points in the disappointment category himself.

It wasn’t until eight o’ clock that night when I was putting away my clean clothes that I saw the pathetic-o-meter sitting on my dresser.

I had completely forgotten about it, and I dropped the clothes on the floor and stared at the disk. The blue area had grown, and a new sentence read: Thinks criminals are cool. 82 percent pathetic.

I did not think criminals were cool, but that was beside the point.

I hadn’t dreamed the pathetic-o-meter into existence. It was real. And a fairy had given it to me.

Granted, the dress had disappeared, but then, Cinderella’s dress had disappeared at midnight. So maybe fairy fashions just did that.

Still only half believing in my sanity, I picked up the pathetic-ometer, walked to Nick’s bedroom, and knocked. He opened the door.

He wore a T-shirt that had pi written on it down to a thousand digits, but thanks to today’s chores, a lot of them were now paint splotches.

I held the disk out to him. “You can see this, right?” He squinted at my hand. “You think criminals are cool? Well, then it’s not surprising that you’re eighty-two percent pathetic.”

“Did you see me wearing a long green dress last night? And there were a bunch of medieval men in my room?”

“Yeah, where did you find those guys anyway? They made Bo look downright normal.”

I stepped into Nick’s room, shut the door, and leaned against it. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or horrified about what had happened. “I really have a fairy godmother.” 68/356

Nick gazed at me, unimpressed with this pronouncement. “If you’re not careful you’ll really have a parole officer too.” He waved a hand in my direction. “Are you purposely seeking out every criminal you can find? Was there some sort of membership drive at the police station?”

Robin Hood and the Merry Men were real. And that meant they were out wandering around Rock Canyon somewhere. “This is going to be a problem.” I put my hand against my chest, trying to stop my panic from spreading. “I accidentally wished Robin Hood and his Merry Men here. I need to find them.”

“Yeah,” he said, “you and every police officer in town.”



Chapter 5

You and every police officer in town?

That was not a good sentence to hear Nick say. I clutched the pathetic-o-meter so hard its edges cut into my palm. “Why would the police be looking for them?”

Nick crossed his arms, which were paint splattered too. “Haven’t you listened to the news today?”

I had only listened to my iPod. I shook my head. “What happened?”

Nick walked over to his computer. “I’m sure it’s on the Internet by now.” He clicked a few links and then a newscaster popped up on the screen. She had a cheerful expression even though she spent most of her time doling out information about disasters.

“The usually uneventful town of Rock Canyon is experiencing a bizarre crime wave today. A gang wearing medieval garb carjacked a pickup truck, then robbed a Pizza Hut and two gas stations at sword-point.” The screen switched to a grainy surveillance tape that showed Robin Hood flanked by most of his men. He walked up to the checkout counter and drew his sword while his men went along the aisles emptying things into their sacks. They grabbed whatever was on the shelves—candy bars, chips, and lots of AA batteries. I had no idea what they were going to do with those. It was really too bad they didn’t hit a deodorant or soap aisle.