“Would a hatpin be helpful next time?”
“That’s a good idea,” she said. “I shall carry a hatpin. But I’d much rather get the dose exactly right so I don’t have to use it.”
“We’ll get it right.”
“I really would prefer not to go sticking hatpins into the King of Spain’s bum, if you see what I mean.”
“Oh, I do, I do.”
“I like to part company on friendly terms.”
“And didn’t you?”
“Not exactly, no,” she said, smiling slightly.
“Well done, anyway,” I said. “You pulled it off.”
“He was funny,” she said. “I wish you could have seen him. He kept hopping up and down.”
I took the sheet of notepaper with A. R. Woresley’s signature on it and placed it in my typewriter. I sat down and typed the following legend directly above the signature:
I hereby certify that I have on this day, the 27th of March, 1919, delivered personally a quantity of my own semen to Oswald Cornelius Esquire, President of The International Semen’s Home of Cambridge, England. It is my wish that this semen shall be stored indefinitely, using the revolutionary and recently discovered Woresley Technique, and 1 further agree that the aforementioned Oswald Cornelius may at any time use portions of that semen to fertilize selected females of high quality in order to disseminate my own bloodline throughout the world for the benefit of future generations.
(Signed) A. R. Woresley
Lecturer in Chemistry,
Cambridge University
I showed it to Yasmin. “Obviously it doesn’t apply to Woresley,” I said, “because his stuff isn’t going into the freezer. But what do you think of it otherwise? Will it look all right over the signature of kings and geniuses?”
She read it through carefully. “It’s good,” she said. “It’ll do nicely.”
“I’ve won my bet,” I said. “Woresley will have to capitulate now.”
She sat sipping her gin. She was relaxed and amazingly cool. “I have a strange feeling,” she said, “that this whole thing’s actually going to work. At first it sounded ridiculous. But now I can’t see what’s to stop us.”
“Nothing can stop us,” I said. “You’ll win every time so long as you can always reach your man and feed him the powder.”
“It really is fantastic stuff.”
“I found that out in Paris.”
“You don’t think it might give some of the very old ones a heart attack, do you?”
“Of course not,” I said, although I had been wondering the same thing myself.
“I don’t want to leave a trail of corpses around the world,” she said. “Especially the corpses of great and famous men.”
“You won’t,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Take for example Alexander Graham Bell,” she said. “According to you, he is now seventy-two years old. Do you think he could stand up to it?”
“Tough as nuts,” I said. “All the great men are. But I’ll tell you what we might do if it’ll make you feel a bit easier. We’ll regulate the dose according to age. The older they are, the less they’ll get.”
“I’ll buy that,” she said. “It’s a good idea.”
I took Yasmin out and treated her to a superb dinner at the Blue Boar. She deserved it. Then I delivered her safely back to Girton.
12
THE NEXT MORNING, carrying the rubbery thing and the signed letter in my pocket, I went looking for A. R. Woresley. They told me in the Science Building that he had not shown up that morning. So I drove out to his house and rang the bell. The diabolic sister came to the door.
“Arthur’s a bit under the weather,” she said. “What happened?”
“He fell off his bike.”
“Oh dear.”
“He was cycling home in the dark and he collided with a pillar-box.”
“I am sorry. Is he much hurt?”
“He’s bruised all over,” she said.
“Nothing broken, I hope?”
“Well,” she said, and there was an edge of bitterness to her voice, “not bones.”
Oh God, I thought. Oh, Yasmin. What have you done to him?
“Please offer him my sincere condolences,” I said. Then I left.
The following day, a very fragile A. R. WToresley reported for duty.
I waited until I had him alone in the lab, then I placed before him the sheet of chemistry department notepaper containing the legend I had typed out over his own signature. I also dumped about a thousand million of his very own spermatozoa (by now dead) on the bench and said, “I’ve won my bet.”