My face was still turned away when I heard her heels clicking away from me and more than
that, I felt her body leave me as the sudden absence triggered the return of a familiar and unbearable longing that I had only recently learned to keep at bay.
I stayed in the same spot for an undetermined amount of time, staring blankly at the shelves
as all of the emotions I tried to bury for years flooded me full force again.
When I finally moved, I saw her standing in line waiting to pay. Her boyfriend must have been
waiting in the car because he was nowhere in sight.
Let her go, Mitch.
I almost did…until I saw it.
Skylar lifted her hand to her eyes and began wiping away tears. She looked behind her
shoulder to make sure no one was watching and didn’t realize I was just on the other side of her a
few registers down hiding behind a magazine. My heart felt like it was ready to explode. She was
crying, and I knew it was because of me. It should have hurt, but instead, it invigorated me.
She still felt something.
Whether it was sadness or hatred or even a fraction of love, I didn’t know. But anything was
better than complacency. I had convinced myself that Skylar was gone forever, not only away from
town, but that her feelings for me had to have long dissipated. I had never been able to move on
from her but assumed that by now, she might have moved past what happened between us.
As she wiped her eyes again, I knew I had to know more. I just needed to know whether she
was happy. She sure as hell didn’t look it, and that made me angry. I had stayed away all these
years, never fought for her, because I thought she was better off. Even if she could never forgive
me, I needed to know for my own sanity that Skylar was okay.
So, that’s how the stalking came about, although I liked to call it watching; that was a little less creepy.
It was freezing, but the heat stayed off because turning the car on would have drawn attention
to myself. I shouldn’t have been here, but the truth was, being near her felt more like home than
anywhere.
Tonight, she was alone, and these were my favorite nights. She’d sit on the couch and read or
watch television. Sometimes, when she’d watch TV, she’d laugh out loud to herself. Staring at the
lingering smile that followed was the best form of meditation for me. When Skylar smiled, she lit
up the room, and there was nothing more calming to look at. It was important for me to see her
smile. It meant I hadn’t wiped it away altogether.
On the other hand, she seemed tense when he was around. Those nights, she spent more time
cleaning or cooking, never relaxing. They’d argue a lot and one time, it culminated in his grabbing her and kissing her apologetically. As much as I had tried to prepare myself for what I might have
to witness when I decided to do this, that really stung like hell to watch. Thank God it ended
there. I wouldn’t have stuck around for anything more. That’s for damn sure. Show over at that
point.
She was reading tonight. With my binoculars, I studied her pensive expression as she
concentrated on her book with her legs wrapped in a knit blanket. She had lit a couple of jar
candles on the coffee table, and there was one lamp on. She was so friggin’ cute in her red-framed
reading glasses. I wondered when she started needing glasses and then stopped that thought
process because it led me to wonder about all the other things I had missed.
I would have given anything to hold her while she read and to fall asleep with my nose in the
crook of her neck. Just the thought of that warmed me inside as I sat in my dark, cold car. I
couldn’t figure out why some nights he never came home. I would sure as hell be home every night
if Skylar were mine.
A howling wind shook my car as I continued to gaze at her through the window. Her eyelids
became heavy, and I watched intently as they slowly closed tight. She had fallen asleep on the
couch.
I could see my breath as I sighed and leaned my head back against the seat, conceding that it
was time to call it quits for the night. My heart hurt every time I had to leave her. But I would
keep coming until I had what I needed: assurance that she was happy and safe.
Until next week, my Skylar.
I put the key in the ignition and turned it to start the car when the engine hesitated. Thinking
nothing of it, I immediately turned it a second time when the same thing happened.
Please! Not here of all places.
That’s what I got for bringing the shit car. I owned a really nice truck, but it was massive and
would have attracted too much attention on the quiet street. This car was an older Corvette I
purchased for fun, working on it occasionally, but it mainly stayed in my mother’s garage.
After a third attempt to start the car, I got a flashlight and kit out of my trunk and opened the