Shows him. You don’t see me snapping at him every time his phone goes off, asking if it’s Holly or someone else. I’m starting to notice that the more I ignore him, the crazier it drives him. Maybe he is crazy. First, he wanted me as far away as possible and got angry when I threw myself at him. Now I’m keeping my distance and he’s stuck to my ass. I can’t leave a room without him following me, making up some reason why he needs to be in that room too.
I tried to escape to my room for a little, but he found reason after reason to come in—from checking the smoke detector batteries to making sure the hot water in the bathroom didn’t come on too hot to testing all the light sockets to make sure they were working. It was beyond ridiculous. Now I just find myself moving from room to room so he’ll follow. Chase me.
I like it. Hell, who am I kidding? I fucking love it. Suck it, Holly. He isn’t following you room to room like a cute grumpy puppy. I wonder if I ignore him long enough he’ll pee in my room, or chew up my shoes just to get my attention. A bark of laughter escapes me, thinking about Bruce doing those things.#p#分页标题#e#
“What’s so funny?” he asks in a tone I know is harder than he intended.
Rolling to my side, I prop my head up with one hand, the rug digging into my elbow. “Don’t you have work to do or something?” I ask in a bored voice, trying to provoke him. I know I said I was done chasing him, and I am, but I get a thrill out of getting a reaction from him. I can’t seem to stop myself.
“You have no idea how much work I should be doing,” he says, running a frustrated hand through his hair.
I was shocked when he didn’t go to work today. He kept pulling out his laptop like he was working on it, but every time I looked over at him, his eyes were on me. To make it worse, he didn’t even try to pretend he wasn’t looking at me. No, he just stared, the look of hunger all over his face.
“Then maybe get on that?” I suggest, hearing him take a deep breath. It sounds like one of defeat.
“I can’t. It seems my mind is otherwise occupied.” His words hang between us, and I shuffle my legs, letting my dress ride up. Is it sex he wants? Is that all this is? As I try to tease him with my body, his eyes never leave mine. For a second, a look crosses his face; one I’ve seen in the mirror before. Loneliness. It’s easy to spot when you see it on yourself every day. My heart clenches, but then it’s gone and his frustration is back.
I fight the urge to crawl over to him and into his lap. Half-scared that he’ll just push me away again, I remain still. I can’t take the rejection. I told myself I was no longer going to chase. No more throwing myself at people who can’t or won’t love me back. I want more.
Before I can make a fool out of myself, I get up from the floor, grabbing my iPad. “I think I’ll turn in early tonight. Maybe you’ll get some work done, or maybe you can go out or something, don’t worry about me. I mean, I’m eighteen in two days, I think I’ll do okay by myself.”
I’m baiting him to say something, mainly about Holly, but he just nods his head. I give him a soft smile, fighting the disappointment I feel when he won’t tell me anything. Or maybe I’m fighting the knot I just put in my own stomach at suggesting he go out for the night. Would he still come to my room tonight if he did? Did I want him to come to my room tonight?
Turning, I make my retreat into my room and throw myself onto my bed.
The answer is yes. Yes, I want him to come to my room again. I won’t ask him to, but I want to enjoy these last few days I have with him. I’ll be leaving soon. It’s for the best. We’ll just end up driving each other crazy if I stay any longer than I have to.
I know part of him wants me, but not enough to really have me. I would be nothing more than a dirty secret; something I always felt like I was with my mom. A mistake she made once that could be hidden away. Shuffle me off to boarding school and put me away on a shelf. Bruce would do the same. Stick me in his condo and give me attention when he had the time to do so.
He wouldn’t want anyone to know he was sticking it to his step daughter. Even if I gave into coming second to his career, it would all be for nothing. Soon everyone would find out we were together, and I’m sure that would be devastating to the firm. Holly mentioned his going into politics, and that’s not a world I was built for. Fake smiles and hellos are not something I want to be a part of. I watched my mother do it, and I despised it. I want real.
I know I’m young, but losing my mother, whom I never really knew, made me think about what I want from life. I don’t want to have to do something to please someone else. I want to break the cycle and not get trapped in their kind of life. I want love, a family, bake sales, date nights, fighting over not taking out the stupid trash. God, I relished the idea of having someone to fight with me. Someone who would actually fight back. Not just dismiss me.#p#分页标题#e#