My Name is Rapunzel(10)

“And your holiday?”

“Holidays at Cheshire Manor…well, you know.” William grinned and allowed me a moment to conjure the memory.

Yes, I knew them well. “My family has been visiting Cheshire Manor at Christmastime since I was a small child. Did your mama make some of that hot apple cider we kids loved so much?”

“Of course.” William winked at Father. “There's something you don't know about that hot apple cider, Rapunzel.” He looked at Father conspiratorially. “Shall I tell her?”

Father chuckled. “I sure wouldn't want to be the gentleman that tried to keep a secret from Rapunzel. You best be telling her, boy. Posthaste.”

William laughed. “I can see by the fire in her eyes that you're right, sir. Well, Rapunzel. That hot apple cider? The secret ingredient was brandy.”

I felt my jaw drop. I must act like a lady, but the shock was too great. “Brandy? We were children!” And here I thought I’d been a teetotaler my entire life. Who’d have imagined I got tipsy as a young girl.

“Yes.” William laughed. “We were children. Children whose parents wished us to fall asleep at an early hour so they could play billiards.”

I gasped in shock then laughed as I turned to my father. “Oh, the stories come out now, don't they?”

“I understand your surprise. My parents didn't tell me until last year.”

“No wonder we liked that stuff so much.” It was nice to laugh.

“I'm sorry to say that I fully intend to do the same thing with my children one day.” William grinned and hitched his belt.

My heart sank into my stomach. Children. Why hadn't I thought that through? Of course he would want children. Why wouldn't he? It was one thing to marry a man for companionship, knowing you're going to lose him, but to have children knowing they would live and die in circles around you? That would be worse than losing Henry…if that were possible. I couldn't do it. But what was the alternative? I could marry William and never have his baby. But that would be as unfair to him as this life I was living.

No. A life with William could never happen. I had to end it now.





CHAPTER FIVE


1808

“Shh.” I patted Mother's face with a damp cloth. “It's going to be okay. It's okay.” I blinked back tears. I hated to see her suffer, but it was so hard to let go. The doctor had come and gone already. He said she was holding on for me.

For me. What could she do for me now?

He’d said I needed to release her, but how could I let her go? Eternity stretched on before me. First Henry. Now Mother.

I glanced at Father, slumped in the hard backed chair in the corner. He dozed, though he would deny it later. He didn't want to miss a moment of his wife's remaining days—now, perhaps only hours. I should tell her. I should free her from her prison of pain.

I kissed her feverish forehead. My lips singed with the heat of death. Her body wanted to go. It longed for the other side where she’d be free from worry and pain—if there were such a place. But even nothingness would be far better than the suffering she endured.

Her eyelids fluttered, and she searched the space around her. I moved closer so she could focus on my face. I clenched her hands gently. “I'm here, Mother. It's okay.”

She shook her head, her eyes frantic with fear.

“Don't be afraid. Please, don't be afraid, Mama.”

“I’m…not…afraid to die.” She gasped for oxygen. “I'm…afraid to…leave you. I need to know…”

There it was. She was asking me to release her. She needed to know I would be okay. It was my duty to assure her, though I still needed assurance myself.

“I love you so much. You've been a wonderful mother. My best friend. Your beauty, your grace, and your strength have shaped me into the person I am. I will miss you every single day for as long as I live.”

Mother's eyelids fluttered. She closed them for a brief moment. Then forced them back open. She needed more.

“I will take care of Father. He will be okay.”

Mother gave a barely perceptible nod. Her eyes searched mine for more.

“And so will I. I will find a way to navigate this strange existence. I will find a way to be happy. Mother, close your eyes.” I gripped her hand a bit tighter. “It’s okay for you to let go.”

Her fingers weakened, one by one, as she lost the strength in her grip. Her hands fell back onto the pallet. Her fingers splayed open. Her breathing stilled.

She was gone.





CHAPTER SIX




1813

I stared into the mirror at my reflection. Had it really been fifty years, to the day, since I was cursed on that dreadful night? I should have been sixty-eight years old, but my body continued to retain the same youthful appearance I had at eighteen. I looked like a schoolgirl. I had the energy of a schoolgirl. I had the body of a schoolgirl.