When I knew that my weight was getting to be too much I rolled with her in my arms and held her close.
“Why baby? Why did you do this to yourself?” She tensed against me for a minute before answering.
“I thought you didn’t want me anymore.” Her voice was so soft. I had to bend to hear her.
“I’ll always want you baby. I told you I loved you, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but that last night you were so angry, you wouldn’t even look at me, you…” she broke down again and I held her while reassuring her of my love and promising her that I would never send her away again.
After reading her journal, I had already come to that conclusion. I’d seen banishment as the ultimate punishment, but I had no idea she would get it into her head that I was sending her away forever.
She almost killed her fucking self because I was a stupid fuck; some protector I turned out to be.
For the next few days, I kept a watchful eye on her. She seemed to be doing much better but she was still clingy and unsure of herself. My little farm girl had lost a little bit of her spark.
It was coming up on the time she would have to leave for her shoot in Europe, her body was still fighting to regain the weight she’d lost and I had to basically force feed her some days.
Since I was no longer willing to force her to do anything she didn’t want to, it was tough going. At least she was beginning to lose that gaunt look from her face and I had lost my fear that she was going to drift away.
Tonight was the big night of Marion’s award show. I had explained my new relationship with Josh after he refused to stay the fuck away and she was a lot apprehensive the first time he showed up at the apartment.
I hadn’t told her all that we had planned but she knew that he was Marion’s son. He was afraid that she wouldn’t forgive him for what he tried to do to her, but I could’ve told him that my little girl had a heart of gold.
I left them to deal with their shit and dealt with his head shaking and mumbling about what a dick I was. I only had to threaten to kick his ass twice to get him to let up.
Between the two of us, we got her to leave the bedroom and sit with us in the study or the entertainment room to watch movies or play one of the video games.
She was still a little withdrawn, but I could see a vast improvement from the half dead girl I’d found on that farm.
Every night when I put her to bed, she’d hold onto me until I made love to her and she fell asleep in my arms. Still, there was something missing. I guess it was going to take us both some time to get back on track.
Each time I passed the playroom, I felt the pull and was mad at myself for still needing that life. I was tearing myself apart but I could do it for her.
Sometimes while I was fucking her, I’d imagine the things I still wanted to do to her, but I always brought myself back from the brink.
She only called me Callan these days and I hadn’t called her Kitten since I’d brought her home.
In my heart she’d always be my Kitten, but that was part of another life another time.
That night, I let her choose her own clothes, she seemed a little hurt by my decision but that couldn’t be right. Of course she chose something I hated but I couldn’t say shit.
It was the damn winter white pantsuit that I’d bought her only because she’d liked it so much and I was such a sap.
She wore her hair up in some sort of twist instead of down the way she knew I liked. I bit my tongue when she asked me how she looked and told her she looked fine.
She was still wearing her collar and I reminded myself that I had to find something to replace it. The thought made me angry for some fucked up reason and I decided to table it for now.
We showed up late purposely and took seats in the back. The show had already started and people were already taking to the podium giving speeches about Marion’s great achievements.
I don’t know how she’d managed to keep news of her sacking private this long but no one here seemed to know that she was unemployed.
She sat up front looking like what the world believed her to be. There were people there from the magazine as they had been invited before everything had gone down.
I wonder what those who really knew her were thinking as they sat there hearing her accolades? At least one person involved wasn’t a fan, because they had allowed Josh to have his five minutes.
That could be because I’d added my weight and told the organizers that it was just a little thank you we’d put together.
When it was time for Josh to do his thing, I thought he would be nervous or wanting to pull out. She was still his mother after all. But I had underestimated his resentment of her he was only too gung ho when the guy signaled him to get ready.