Jason, however, had other plans in mind as he continued to walk towards me. His eyes looked past me. The moment Jason walked by me without acknowledging me, I knew my fight would be hard and painful.
“Really?” I breathed.
I could seriously feel my heart starting to break. I felt completely devastated the moment he passed me. It felt as though he took the air from inside my lungs and left me breathless and empty. Jason didn’t lose speed in his stride as he entered his building, leaving me behind.
I broke down there in the middle of the sidewalk, on a cold October day. My body numb, not from the freezing weather, but from the reality that it might not be as easy as I thought. That maybe Jason might not want this anymore, that he might not want me or us. I tasted my warm, salty tears. Now what was I going to do? I wanted to leave, to run back home in a typical Kassia move. Run and hide. I lowered my shoulders and waited. I’d do what felt right. I was going to let the emotions run through me and then decide. After a few moments, I swallowed whatever pride I had and turned to enter Jason’s building.
I took a step back, when I saw him standing there waiting for me. He let out a heavy sigh and walked over to me. He grabbed my hand and led me inside. We passed security and entered the elevator, but Jason still didn’t say anything to me. I stood silently next to him, not sure what I could say to him or how I would convince him.
The elevator doors opened and he walked out, leaving me behind. I followed him, wary at how unfamiliar it had become between us. He unlocked the door, and held it open for me. I stepped inside cautiously, scared of what was about to happen. The door slammed shut behind me. I jumped at the sound. He took off his shoes and made his way into his condo.
“Well?” he asked in a cold tone.
I slowly walked over to him. The lights of the building across the street lit the dark condo as Jason stood with his arms crossed.
“I tried to…” I said slowly, but he cut me off before I continued.
“Yeah, I heard your messages and read your texts,” he said grimly. My skin shivered as goose bumps peppered my skin. I didn’t know this Jason.
“Look, Kass, I'm glad you’re fine and I'm happy you’re back home. I even hear you have a book coming out. Everything seems to be going well for you. Do you mind telling me what you’re doing here?” he asked with his face stern and sullen.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. I fought back the urge to take him by the shoulders and shake him.
“Doing what?” he asked pointedly.
“Pushing me away!” I fired back.
“Kass, we had our fun, but now things have changed and you need to move on,” he said bluntly.
“You can’t be serious? Jason, I love you. I love you,” I said as my voice nearly broke. Jason only stood quietly. “Jason, I know that I might have been wrong by keeping you at arm’s length, but I was confused. I was afraid, but I'm not any longer. I don’t care about our past, I care about our future. I care about you,” I said at the verge of tears.
“The thing is, Kass, I don’t feel the same way anymore. So instead of making this hard on yourself and on me, just let it go already,” he said harshly. The words he spoke were like ammunition, each word shooting right through my heart.
“It’s not that easy, Jason,” I bit back. “You can’t just come into my life and change me and not want this any longer. I don’t give a shit about our age difference. I don’t care about how we met and what happened to us. I just want us back. I want you back in my arms,” I said flatly.
“What do you want, Kass? You want to be the girl who hangs off the man who doesn’t love her anymore? Is that it? Have you become that desperate?” he attacked back.
“Why are you so angry at me?” I screamed.
“You fuckin’ broke your promise, Kass,” he growled. It was the first sign of him losing his composure.
“What promise?” I bit back.
“To keep yourself fuckin’ safe!” he fired back.
“What about you?” I yelled. “You promised to stay with me!”
We both glared at each other, our heavy breathing the only sound, which broke the deafening silence in his condo.
I relented. I couldn’t not touch him anymore. I walked over to him and reached out, but he backed away. I finally cornered him and took his hand. It was warm and calloused, a stark difference from mine, which was cold and soft.
“If you can touch me and not want me, then I’ll leave and never come back.” I gave him my last ultimatum.
I was hoping the touch of my skin would make his cold exterior melt, making him fall back into my arms. I took his hand and reached for my face. I watched Jason intently, hoping to see the shift in his eyes. I felt the warmth of his touch as it rippled through me, lighting me up from the inside out. I smiled at the feel of him on my skin.