“Please, dear God, not another bouquet of flowers,” I murmured under my breath as I made it to my door. I opened it and there on the ground was a manila envelope.
I picked it up while looking around to see if I could see someone. It had been months since the last stalker incident. This couldn’t be the stalker again. I opened the envelope and saw pictures inside. I pulled them out; it was the night Jeremy had come to my house. The pictures were of our kiss. I began to shake and breathe heavily as I ran inside and picked up my phone. I called my brother. I needed him now. Jeremy had red ink all over his face and the words “you bitch” were scrawled over my head.
“Kass? What’s wrong?” He must have heard my voice.
“Dar, I need you. Come,” I didn’t realize I was shouting.
“Kass?” I heard at my entry way and there stood Jason. “Kass, are you okay?” he asked in a panic as he closed the door behind him and ran to me. He looked at the pictures on the counter and took them in his hands. “What the fuck is this?” he roared.
“It’s nothing…it’s just ...” I said as I tried to stop myself from shaking in fear. The last picture had the words “you’re dead” written all over me.
“It’s from your fuckin’ stalker! How can you say it’s nothing?” Jason yelled out.
I began to cry as this irrational fear came over. It wasn’t about the stupid stalker who had just threatened me. It was about Jason seeing these pictures.
“Jason, I can handle it. I’ll call…”
He stopped me. “I already called the cops.” He took the pictures and began flipping through them. I reached over and yanked them out of his hands.
“Kass, it’s okay. I get it. I told you that you deserve better than me. Even though it hurts, I'm glad you found someone,” he said so calmly that it brought me over the edge.
“Deserve better?” I said bitterly. “I don’t deserve better. I deserve to be happy,” I shouted. “What’s so wrong about wanting to be happy with the person you love?” I kept yelling. “Everything is so complicated now. You think you don’t deserve me? It’s me who doesn’t deserve you!” I pointed at myself, at me; my anger took over my body. I shook as I stood in front of him; his face contorted from being solemn to pure anger. “What could I offer you to replace all you’ve lost, Jason? What? All I have is the love for you that I can’t explain. God help me, but I love you so much, Jason. I want you. I want you in my life,” I pleaded.
Jason stood; his eyes, his damn grey eyes were fiercely cold and edgy. I had never seen them like that.
“You shouldn’t love me, Kass. I can love you, but you should give your love to someone better,” he said dryly, his words laced with bitterness.
“Jason, please,” I begged.
“I can love you and I will always love you because you are my only one and true salvation.” The tears were now threatening to fall as Jason spoke. I reached out to touch him, but he pushed back. “You were right about us,” he murmured. “Our sick history has tainted what we feel for each other. You want to save me and I want to save you. There’s nothing here. No future, no nothing.” Hearing his words and the listlessness in his voice gutted me from the inside.
Never had I felt so helpless and lost. The moment I saw him at my door I knew I could finally breathe. The feeling of a gradual vise around my soul had lifted the moment I saw him. What would it take to have him back into my life?
Darios came running in. I thought for sure they would start fighting again, but it didn’t happen, Jason only walked out. The vise appeared again, making me wince in pain. Darios nodded at him as he came closer to me. I looked over my brother’s shoulder and saw Jason leave.
“What’s going on?” Darios took my arms into his and held me.
“You tell me?” I was still crying.
“First you.” He held on tighter with a look of concern painted on his face.
“I got these pictures,” I said softly, nudging towards the counter. Darios let go of me and looked at them.
“Who the fuck did this?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” I began to cry anew. “What? Wait? You’re not going to ask me who this is?” I asked, surprised at him. He smiled a little.
“He’s the asshole, Jeremy. You bit him hard. That’s what makes you my little sister,” He winked, sitting down on the stool and taking out his phone.
“Dar?” I was confused.
“I saw you, Kass. That night it was my turn. I was going to get out of the car, but you handled it well.” He smiled again like he had taught me to take care of myself.