The doorknob moved and I instinctively closed my eyes, pretending I was still asleep. Jason moved around the bed and placed something at the edge. He made his way around and knelt down next to me. His fingers played with my hair, moving it off my face.
“You can stop pretending you’re asleep,” he chuckled.
I laid still and slowly opened my eyes. His head was tilted to one side. He smiled a little as he looked down at me. The late morning sun was peering into his room, making him glow in soft colors of yellow and orange.
“I wasn’t pretending,” I murmured.
“Sure you weren’t and I wasn’t making you breakfast.” He leaned across me and pulled up a tray that he had placed at the edge of the bed. “I made you eggs and some toast.”
I sat up in bed and watched him as he still knelt beside me.
“Did you eat?” I asked, watching him pull the tray closer to me.
“Yeah, as I was cooking your eggs.”
I looked at the tray in front of me and thought how sweet he was for doing this.
“Was there a reason why I found you in my arms last night?’ His gaze moved from the tray to meet my eyes.
“You had a nightmare. I tried waking you up, but you pulled me into your arms and I guess I feel asleep,” I said rather sheepishly.
“A nightmare? Next time I have one, I want you to stay away. I don’t know if I get violent, but I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He rose up and moved away.
“Where are you going?” I pushed the tray back and tried to get out of bed to follow him.
Jason walked out of the room, leaving me behind. I picked up a t-shirt and my boxers and almost ran out of the room to catch up to him.
He stood in the middle of his living room, staring out of his window. He was shirtless, but wore a pair of long sweat pants. His back muscles moved as he stood.
“So you’re regretting it,” I said meekly. “Look, just forget it happened. Chalk it up to an emotional night. I’ll need to leave. Being here is getting to be too complicated for me,” I admitted. He turned around and glared at me.
“Regretting it?” He sounded almost hurt as he whispered the words. “Do you have any idea how much I fought myself not to touch you? Since day one, all I ever wanted was you, Kassia. But I have nothing to offer you. I want to be something important in your life. Someone who’s worthy of you, but I’m only me,” he said ruefully as he pounded his chest.
The veins inside me began to sing, the world around me changed color. Everything he said aligned itself with me and I felt like I had finally gotten what I had always dreamed of. Jason was a phenomenon which occurred, and I wanted him to be a part of me. I had no real rational way of thinking about it. Jason was somehow always mine and I needed him to know that.
“Since the moment you came into my life, you somehow fit like you were always meant to be there. Jason, I have wanted to be with you since I met you. I can’t explain why and I don’t care to, but I don’t want you to push me away again.” Tiny tears prickled my eyes as I spoke.
“I'm not good for you, Kassia,” he said humbly as he moved closer to me. “But I can’t seem to stay away from you.” With his last words, he reached out, took my face into his hands, and kissed me.
He broke our kiss and leaned his forehead onto mine. “I'm not going to ever push you away again. I'm here now and I'm not ever going to let you go,” he declared as his lips sought mine. The most euphoric feeling came through me as I melted into his embrace. “You’re finally mine,” he barely whispered as he held me in his arms. I was exactly what he said, his.
Jason and I settled into a blissful little routine. I was finally happy. He’d come home from work and I would have dinner or breakfast ready, depending on what his shifts were like. After he’d eat, he’d shower and take me to bed with him. We’d make love and then fall asleep in each other’s arms. Whatever this was between us, I didn’t fight it. It seemed like everything was meant to be when I was with him.
I was busy trying to finish up my last edits to my book before sending them out. I hadn’t seen Jason the whole day. I knew he had come back home, but I had locked myself up in his bedroom, trying desperately to finish up my work. Jason always understood when it came to my writing. He never once interrupted me when I was cooped up, trying to masterfully create when all I wanted was to run out of this room into his arms.
I was starting to make idiotic mistakes, plus my eyes were starting to hurt. That’s when I knew I hit my limit. It was time to call it quits for the night, well what was left of the night. It was way past four in the morning. Fuck, I was at this book for hours. I stood up from my chair and stretched out my body. I was going to do some yoga tomorrow. Maybe I could persuade Jason to help me. I smiled, as tiny, naughty thoughts began to dance around my head. Jason, I thought. Fuck, he probably was sleeping. He had woken up early yesterday morning, his shift only ended about eighteen hours later. Jason worked all the time, either he would do doubles or work seven days straight. The boy honestly had little else in his life.