“I asked him,” I said softy.
“You asked him what?” she sounded surprised.
“I asked him if he liked me.”
She put her coffee down, nearly spilling it.
“Ah, honey, you didn’t,” she accosted me.
“I did and he said he sees me like an older sister.” The words themselves left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Ouch,” she murmured. “You know what you need? A date!” She stood up and walked over to me. She turned me to face her. “I'm having a party and there’s this guy I would love for you to meet. What do you think?” she asked, excited about the thought.
“I think I have a stalker-type person, who is after me right now. So, I don’t know.” I was a bit uncomfortable meeting someone right now, afraid they might be my stalker.
She exhaled. “Look, I’ll have security there and only those I know will come. You can’t stop living your life because of a few packages and a fucked-up childhood. You said it yourself, numerous times might I add, you have to live, Kassia. Look, the guy is nice and I’ve known him for years. Get over your Jason feelings by hanging out with someone your own age. He might treat you the way you want and you’ll forget about young, wet-behind-the-ears, Jason.”
My Faux Date
The moment Tiff left, Jason walked in the door.
“Oh, hey,” he said, rather surprised to see me. “I thought you might be writing in my room.” He acted a bit nervous. I guess my question a few nights ago might have made him feel uncomfortable.
“Look, Jason, I'm sorry about what I said before, about you liking me. You don’t have to worry about being around me. You told me how you felt and I understand completely. No hard feelings.” I waved my hands in front of him, trying to make light of the matter. “And just so you know, I have a date.” I kind of lied, well, you would too. It wasn’t exactly a date. Tiff was just introducing me to someone. Jason’s jaw went tight, his eyes cold and his body stiff.
“A date?” he murmured.
“Tiff is setting me up with a friend of hers and I said yes.” I hadn’t said yes yet, but at this point I wanted to salvage whatever dignity I had left.
“You shouldn’t be thinking about dating. You should be thinking about your neck and this fucker who’s stalking you,” he growled, throwing his duffle bag to the floor.
“There hasn’t been any other package since that day and I can’t stay in hiding forever. It’s at Tiff’s place with her friends. Plus, I was thinking since nothing has happened, I might go back home. There isn’t a need for me to be here any longer,” I said bluntly.
Jason’s body language was loud and clear; the man was angry.
“Then I’ll stay with you,” he retorted.
“No!” I said flatly.
“No?” he hissed.
“I'm glad we’re friends and I'm glad I met you, but I don’t want to get the wrong idea again.” I was hardly able to stammer the words out.
“When’s the party?’ he asked, not looking at me.
“Tomorrow night. Tiff is sending over a dress for me.” I smiled, but didn’t mean it.
“So a date, huh? That’s good,” he remarked as his voice almost cracked.
“Yeah, a date. Apparently, he’s nice and Tiff thinks we’ll get along.” I walked over to the kitchen as I let him think about what I had said. Jason hardly spoke a word after my statement.
“Jason?” I called out.
“Yeah,” he said softly.
“I made food. Do you want me to warm it up?”
He stood in the same spot not moving an inch. “Maybe later, I need to clean up first.” He smiled and headed towards the bathroom.
I watched him leaving me behind. The feeling was God-awful. I heard him turn on the shower, the water spraying the tub.
I was left alone in his condo, left to contemplate the feelings I was having. I wanted to run into the bathroom and hold him. To tell him exactly how I felt. I wanted… No! I needed his touch. But I was nothing except a friend, an older sister as he put it. Whatever I was feeling was unhealthy and not real. I should have known better than to leave myself so vulnerable to someone like him. But how could I fight it? He made sense to me. My body craved him. My mind yearned to connect with his. My greedy eyes drank him in, like he was all I had ever or would ever desire. Fuck! One tear, then two tears. All of them fell slowly down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away, knowing this was nothing but my foolishness for wanting something I could never have.
I went to bed that night determined to let go. To no longer want Jason and to move on, away from this tethered pull I felt. I wanted to snap it in two and never look back.