Goodnight, Hunter.
*****
I woke in the morning with my face pressed into Hunter’s chest. Somehow in the night I’d turned so we were face to face. His chin was on top of my head and his arm was around my back, holding me close. One of us had kicked off the blanket, and our legs were wrapped around one another, like we’d somehow twined and become one person during the night.
I knew I should move. I knew my legs shouldn’t be wrapped around his. That his arms shouldn’t be around me and that it shouldn’t feel like I was exactly where I was supposed to be for the first time in my life.
Hunter shifted just a little so I knew he was waking up.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hey.”
“How did that happen?”
I gathered he was referring to our present position.
“I don’t know.”
Neither of us made a move. His hand started making lazy circles on my back.
“I like waking up with you in my arms,” he whispered, inhaling the scent of my hair. He looked so vulnerable. So sweet. He smiled, and it felt like my heart was going to explode. This couldn’t be.
I moved away from him.
“Well, this is the first and last time. My bed is more comfortable.” I rolled as far as I could while still being in the bed. He held on for a moment, but then let me go. Bubble burst.
“But it doesn’t have me in it.”
“Exactly. Which means I sleep much better.” I hadn’t gotten the best night of sleep with Hunter, but waking up wrapped up with him had been more than worth it. If only we’d had a bigger bed.
No. I was not letting myself go there. This was not going to continue. I couldn’t let it. Kissing and such led to other things.
I climbed out of Hunter’s bed and stretched my arms, feeling like a little piece of happiness had broken off and fallen to the floor. I left it there among my clothes and books and went to the bathroom to take a shower.
Hunter and I skirted around one another for the rest of the day. He went out to play ultimate Frisbee with Dev and Sean in the afternoon, and I decided I needed a little shopping therapy and called Megan.
“Girl time? Do you even need to ask?” she said.
I picked her up at her apartment, which had a ton of trash in the yard and empty plastic cups littering the porch.
“Guys had a blow-out last night. I’m tired of cleaning.”
“Sounds awesome.”
She glanced at my face.
“Okay, what happened? You’ve got the weirdest look on your face.”
“Hunter kissed me.”
“What?! Did you kiss him back?”
“You could say that.”
“I knew it!” she shrieked as I pulled onto the main street. “How was it? Was it good? I bet he knew what he was doing.”
Oh, did he ever.
“There’s more.”
“You didn’t…”
“No. But I met his family and we kind of slept together last night. Like, in the same bed. With no sex.”
She shook her head side to side. “Damn. You move quick.”
“It’s not like that, Meg.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Then what is it like? Because usually when you kiss someone, meet his parents and sleep in his bed, it means you like him.”
“I don’t like him.”
“But you don’t not like him.”
“That’s a double negative.”
“You’re deflecting.” Hunter would have said the same thing.
“You know I can’t get close with someone like that.”
“It’s not that you can’t. It’s that you won’t. Those are two different things, Taylor.”
“Not to me. I just… I just can’t. Every time I think about it, all I remember is that night and what happened.”
“You shouldn’t let that one night define the rest of your life. You’re not going to get over it; no one would. But you can’t let it dictate who you are and if you can love someone. That’s just letting him win.”
Megan didn’t understand. She hadn’t been there that night. She hadn’t seen his face. She hadn’t watched while he… She hadn’t heard him say he was going to kill me if I ever told. She didn’t have dark memories that affected every single day of her life. So who was she to tell me how to deal with them?
“He didn’t win. He’s in jail.”
“For how long?”
“A while.” Another two years, to be exact. By the time he got out, I’d be ready for him if he came for me. I wasn’t going to be a victim twice. That reminded me, I hadn’t been to kickboxing in a few days. I’d have to make more of an effort to make it to the classes.
“What are you going to do when he gets out?”
“Be ready. If he comes for me, then so be it. He won’t get out of it alive.”
“You wouldn’t really kill him.”
“Yeah, I would.” I could say this without fear or reservation. He didn’t deserve to live. He was never going to hurt anyone else again, if I had anything to say about it. I’d been too young when it happened, but I wasn’t a child anymore.
“That scares me, Tay.”
I shrugged. I never said I was a saint.
I changed the subject as quickly as I could, but I kept seeing Meg watching me. As if I was going to suggest going to a sporting goods store and purchasing a gun right then and there. Oh, I had plans for that. I was going to ask for shooting lessons for Christmas from Tawny. I had a pellet gun, but I wanted to learn how to use a proper gun. You could never be too careful.
The day wasn’t a total loss, as we flitted from store to store, looking for deals and trying on earrings and testing lotions.
“What do you think of this one?” She held out her wrist for me to smell. It was spicy and sweet, like pumpkin pie. Yum.
“Pumpkin barf?”
“Damn close.” She got three bottles.
“So what was the family like?”
“Well, his parents are dead so he lives with his aunt and uncle in this huger than huge house. It makes a mansion look like a double-wide.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Wish I was. That chandelier must be a bitch to dust.”
“There was a chandelier?”
“And a grand staircase and a den, and an apple orchard in the back. It had the works.”
“Were there maids?”
“Not that I saw, but it could have just been their day off. I’m telling you, it was massive. I was afraid to breathe.”
“Why didn’t you take any pictures?”
“It didn’t cross my mind,” I said as we lined up at the smoothie stand.
“So who else was there?”
I told her about Harper and Mase and Darah’s budding relationship. I didn’t mention Joe or the spying. For some reason, I couldn’t share that with anyone. Not even Megan.
“You should marry him. Then you can be a trophy wife and have your own reality show,” she said as she ordered her smoothie.
“I am a trophy for no man,” I said, ordering a mango pineapple.
“You know that’s not what I meant,” Megan said.
“I know. I guess I’m still reeling from everything.”
“And rightfully so.”
We wandered with our smoothies a little more. I popped into the bookstore to see if they had the new book I was waiting for. They had one copy left, and I did a little happy dance in the aisle as I snatched it up, giddy.
“Thanks for the girly time. We need to do a beauty day soon,” I said, giving her a hug. I was still on a book-buying high, so I didn’t mind a little affection.
“Call me. You know, if you need to talk. Anytime.”
“Thanks, Meg. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye.”
Darah and Renee were deep in conversation when I got back.
“You, spill,” Renee said. “I’ve been dying to talk to you all day, but I had that stupid study session.”
Crap. I was not getting out of this. Renee had that crazed look in her eyes like when she’d been studying for ten hours straight and was hopped up on too much coffee, or she’d been paying too much Skyrim. I did not like that look.
“We kissed,” I said, sitting down on the recliner. Oh, that recliner… I got up and sat at the end of the couch, beside Darah.
“It’s about time. You two have been dancing around each other since day one. So, how was it?” Renee put her head in her hands, as if she was expecting a juicy play-by-play. Wasn’t going to happen.
“We didn’t.”
“You didn’t? So I slept with my earplugs for nothing? Then what was the yelling I thought I heard?”
“That was nothing. Well, nothing sexual.”
“You didn’t do anything?”
“No.”
“Nothing?” Renee looked really disappointed.
Darah was studying my face in a way I didn’t like.
“You seemed like you were having a good time yesterday,” Darah said.
“For the most part. Harper was adorable.”
“I know. She’s just the sweetest. Mase and I are thinking of taking her to Funtown before it closes. Her parents don’t want her to go, you know, because she can’t do most of the rides, but Mase already called and they can make accommodations for some of them. He’s so thoughtful.” She smiled.
“He is.” That reminded me of Hunter taking care of the drunken girls last night. I hoped they got home safe.