My Favorite Mistake(11)

“You do make me uncomfortable.”

“But not in that way. I make you uncomfortable because I shake up what you thought about people. I make you nervous. You want me, but you don't know why and you can't stop fighting it.”

I sputtered for a second, shocked.

“You are so...” My hands shook with anger. I really, really wanted to punch him again.

“I've hit a nerve, I see. Means I'm right.”

“You are the cockiest, douchebaggy asshat I've ever met, and I can't wait to get rid of you.”

He laughed for the first time. On anyone else, it would have been sexy as hell. On him, it just made me more enraged.

“Fuck you, Hunter. Fuck. You.”

“You want to, that's part of your problem.”

Before I could react, he crossed the room and stood right in front of me.

“Tell me you don't want me. Look me in the eye and tell me if I kissed you right now, you wouldn't kiss me back. Tell me.”

“I don't want you,” I said, grinding my teeth around every word. Breathing became difficult. He was so close. I couldn't see anything beyond him. My eye level was at his chest, where the ink from his tattoos showed through the thin cotton. His smell surrounded me, and I caught a tiny whiff of sweat. My mouth went dry, and I kept my eyes on his chest because I knew I couldn't look up.

Two days ago, I hadn't known Hunter Zaccadelli existed. Today, I couldn't look him in the eyes for fear I'd lose myself. No, I had to shut this down.

I closed my eyes and stepped away.

“I don't want you,” I said, looking at his eyes and not blinking. “Now get away from me.” He didn't move, so I walked away.

One thing was sure: I had to get Hunter out of my life.

I wanted him. I wanted him to kiss me and touch my face and put his fingers in my hair. I wanted him to pick me up and hold me and be with me.

I was losing it. Absolutely losing it. I had to get out of this space. He took up too much of it. He made my brain do funny things and not think clearly.

I had to get away.

I got dressed as quickly as I could and threw my books for the day into my bag. I dashed to the bathroom, hoping I wouldn't run into Hunter. I could hear his guitar in the living room. I didn't look at him as I rushed out the door. As soon as I was in the hallway, I was able to breathe.

What was it about him? Was it the tattoos? The way he called me Missy? The way he was so open about his sexuality? Maybe it was a combination.

It was a combination I couldn't say no to, but I would have to.

I was never going to fall in love. I was never going to be with someone like that. People only hurt you when you loved them that way. They took what they wanted and used you up. My mother still missed my dad, even though it had been so many years. She still looked at their wedding pictures and smiled, thinking about times when they were happy. But it hadn't lasted. Nothing like that lasted.

Boys like Hunter burned everything they touched. Boys like that were dangerous. I knew that without a doubt. If I let him, Hunter would drag me down. I would not let it happen.

I spent the rest of the day looking for Hunter around every corner. I turned my phone off so I wouldn't see his texts, if he sent any. I made sure to keep a lookout in the union  . I kept thinking I saw him, but it turned out to just be a look-a-like. There were a lot of guys who sort of looked like him, but no one quite close enough.

I did everything I could to avoid going back to the apartment and ended up finishing all my homework before the end of the day. I had my last class of the day with Megan and offered to have dinner with her so she could avoid eating with the “cannibals,” as she called her boyfriend's buddies. It wasn't completely to avoid Hunter, because I really did want to spend time with Megan.

“Have you figured out your roommate issue?”

“I wish,” I said, biting into my chocolate croissant. Hunter was the kind of person who made me need chocolate therapy. “It's really complicated.”

“Things with the opposite sex usually are.”

“How's everything working out for you?”

She lifted one shoulder.

“Jake's my soul mate. I know that. Sounds cheesy, but I know that we're not complete without each other. So I put up with his disgusting friends and their endless Family Guy marathons because I love him. Someday we'll move in with just the two of us, and I'll be able to have a clean bathroom. Someday...”

We finished eating, and I walked Megan to her car.

“Girls night this weekend? I think the guys are going to a party, so the house will be free. I'll make margaritas,” she said in a singsong voice. “Come on, please? I'm inviting Haley and Robin, too.” They were two other girls from our major that we’d formed a little group with. They’d be the perfect antidote to too much Hunter.

“Sure, it's on. Just text me when would be a good time. You want me to bring anything?”

“Every single girly movie you own.”

“Done,” I said.

She squealed and gave me a hug before hopping in her car.

It was still light out, so I didn't have to worry too much about walking by myself. I said good-bye to her and reluctantly walked back to the apartment. I kept my fingers crossed the entire way that Hunter would be gone, or at least one of the girls would be there as a buffer.

I took a deep breath before I opened the door.

“Hey, where have you been?” Renee said, looking up from one of her massive nursing textbooks. The television was blaring; I didn't know how she could focus.

“Had dinner with Megan. Where's everyone else?”

“Hunter went somewhere, and Miss Darah is on a date with Mase, if you can believe it.”

“No way,” I said, joining her on the couch. “I thought I saw something there, but I didn't know he'd move that fast.” College was a strange situation. Things always seemed to happen at warp speed.

“Me neither, but it was really cute. I think she really likes him.”

“I have a really hard time picturing them together, but if he makes her happy, then that's what matters.”

“Well, she hasn't even come home yet, so we can reserve judgment until then.”

“If she does come home,” I said, raising my eyebrows.

“You know she's not that kind of girl.”

I did, but I never underestimated anyone when it came that.

“I'm bored. I don't think I can do any more reading. You want to do something?” She closed her book.

“Like what?”

“I don't know. Mall?”

I wasn't much for shopping, but if we got to go to the bookstore, I was in. Also, it would get us out of the apartment in case Hunter came back from whatever he was doing. I only had a tiny temptation to text him, but quickly squashed it. I was staying away from him until I could get rid of him.

“Sounds good, just let me grab some cash.” I ran into my room to grab some money from the jar I kept in my desk. I had to leave my debit card at home when I went into a bookstore or else I would drain my account. I was about to leave when I saw something on my pillow. Curious, I picked it up.

This is me giving you space. See? We can live together without living together. You still haven't given me an answer about that bet. All you have to do is prove one way or another and I'm gone. The ball's in your court, Missy.

I crumpled the note in my fist. He knew what I was trying to do, and that infuriated me. I didn't like him knowing what I was thinking, since I almost never knew what was running through his head.

I shoved the note in my desk and slammed it shut.

“So what is with you and Hunter? I know you've got this weird I-hate-you-but-I'm-really-attracted-to-you thing going on, but could you like, tone it down?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, please. You guys eye fuck each other every second you can. It's disgusting, really.”

I hopped into the passenger’s seat of Renee's Mazda.

“We don't do that.” We totally did, but it was Hunter's fault. “I don't mean to anyway. He definitely does.”

“That's what attraction is. That uncontrollable urge to jump someone's bones, even in mixed company. You guys haven't...” She didn't need to finish.

“Oh, God, no! I'm not that kind of girl either.”

I had never told Darah or Renee that I was a virgin. The only person who knew about that was Megan, and that was because we were so close, and I knew I could trust her with something like that. I’d trusted her with a much bigger secret.

“Never say never, doll. Did I ever tell you how Paul and I met?” I knew they'd only met about a year ago, but had gotten serious, fast.

“I was wasted at a party, and this guy was trying to take me home. I don't really remember this, but Paul shoved him off me and asked me where I lived. I somehow managed to tell him, and he got me into a cab and helped me back to my room. Darah was gone for the weekend, so I was all alone. He stayed with me the whole night and took care of me. I puked my guts out, and he held my hair and everything. You'd think he'd never want to see me after that, but he ended up staying the whole day. When I sobered up I realized that he was pretty damn special. And I think you can figure the rest out. So, never knock sex early in a relationship. I mean, it didn't work out with us, but it was great while it lasted.”

Her voice was filled with longing. I knew she missed him, but refused to take his calls or answer his texts. I didn't even know why they had broken up, but she insinuated it was something he had done. I asked her if he'd cheated on her, but she said it wasn't that. Darah and I had racked our brains, but hadn't figured it out. We'd been tempted to ask Paul, but didn't want to go behind Renee's back.