‘Done.’
‘Is that what you were going to ask me the other night? When I bought you a lovely expensive dinner and you were dragged home early?’
‘Er, yes,’ he says. ‘Of course it was. And sorry about that, by the way.’
‘So when do you want to do this barbie?’
‘Next Saturday?’
‘Kay.’
‘What was that other thing you wanted to ask me, Simpson?’
‘Oh God,’ I groan. ‘It’s this sodding holiday the boys have planned. A sort of hen weekend in the Canaries. In lieu of a honeymoon for me. Will you come?’
‘Well…’
‘Please.’
‘Calm down, Simpson. Course I will,’ he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. ‘A holiday’d be great. Course I’ll come. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.’
I put the phone down feeling happier than I have in ages. I can handle Jake and Nick too, knowing I’ve got my oldest friend back on side. I’ve hated arguing with him over something as simple as where I live. And, I think charitably, he can’t help the fact that his girlfriend is a toxic slut who enjoys nothing better than watching me squirm under the magnifying glass of her pale blue eyes.
When I’ve finished talking to Sam I call Janice.
‘What’ve you been up to?’ I ask her. ‘It’s been yonks.’
‘I know, hon,’ she says, surprising me with her friendliness. ‘I’ve been so busy with work. I’ve got this new account. For a mobile phone company. Massive budget and everything. I’m knackered. And then I’ve been trying to make more of an effort to see my mum.’
‘Oh that’s nice,’ I say. And I mean it. Janice’s poor mum does get a bit neglected.
‘Yeah,’ Janice continues. ‘I mean, all she’s got to do all day is watch telly. And listen to bloody Cliff Richard, of course. Mind you, she has done a bit of decorating. Painted the kitchen. That sort of thing. The place isn’t quite so grim as it was. Anyway, I popped round a few times for a chat. Thought she might be able to tell me a bit more about my dad. Thought I might try and track him down. In case I need him to give me away.’
‘Oh.’
‘Unless he’s something awful, like a dustbin man or a drunk. Then I thought about asking Sam. What do you think?’
What do I think? I think she’s just reminded me of my own dilemma. Anyhow, Sam’s MY friend. Call me childish, but if he’s giving anyone away, it ought to be me. I don’t say anything, though. Instead I ask her what she thinks about coming away on holiday.
‘I dunno, Katie,’ she grumbles. ‘What if Jasper comes over all romantic and I’m on the other bloody side of the world? I mean, according to you, he’s already having an affair, so I can’t really afford to leave him, can I?’
God, she’s making this hard. I’ve been fretting all the time over how to apologise re this whole Jasper and ‘other woman’ thingy. And all she’s worried about is herself. Mind you. I’m determined to say my piece. So I do.
‘Oh that,’ she says, when I’m finished. ‘I’m really not that bothered whether he was or wasn’t with anyone else. He’s got a dick like a turkey’s neck, so I doubt he’s putting it about that much. Nope. I was just feeling a bit pissy about that whole Paris thing, y’know? I really thought he was going to get me a ring and everything.’
‘I know. So we’re friends again?’
‘Course,’ she says. ‘In fact, let’s have a drink. We haven’t got pissed together for ages. Sorry about that, by the way. I would have visited you at George’s before but I have to keep on at bloody giblet dick. Let’s face it, he’s getting on a bit. He could cark it any day now during sex.’
‘He could slump down on top of you?’ I gasp.
‘Yep. And I’d have to stay there until the cleaner arrived. I might not even have the TV remote to hand so it could all get very boring indeed. Especially if she starts skiving off again to visit her son in prison.’
‘Oh.’
‘Oh, Katie, do you think he’s going to pop the question soon? It’s been absolutely yonks.’
‘It certainly has,’ I agree. ‘So long, in fact, that if I were you I’d be worried that the only question he’s likely to pop is “Mind if I flip you over and do you from behind?”’
‘God, I shudder to think. Nope. Hasn’t got it in him, for all his combat pants and his young dressing. I just wish he’d hurry up and get this proposal out of the way. I’m in a constant state of nerves.’