‘And when you think of all those poor starving Africans,’ I say, ‘it’s criminal. Well, I hate seeing things go to waste.’
‘You do?’
‘Absolutely.’ I grin, feeling a lot better now. ‘Which is why I’m having the last bit of pizza.’
‘You think so, do you?’ Sam’s head snaps towards the box where the last slice is waiting temptingly, oozing with cheese and smelling of fried onions.
‘Oh yes,’ I tell him. ‘That’s mine. S’got my name on it.’
‘You sure?’
‘Absolutely,’ I say. ‘I’m having it.’
‘Not if I get there first.’
We both jump to it and fight to snaffle the last slice until I slip on Sam’s polished floor and flip, arse over tit, ending up on my back on top of the pizza box. On my way down, I grab the front of Sam’s sweatshirt and end up taking him down with me. For a split second we find ourselves on top of each other in some kind of farcical clinch.
Quickly, I sit up, shoving him to the floor.
‘Gerroff. Your hair’s tickling my nose.’
He pulls away, laughing.
‘Oh dear.’
‘What?’
‘I don’t think either of us will be eating that pizza now. Most of it’s stuck to the back of your head.’
‘Yuck.’
As I pick the worst of it off, Sam looks really thoughtful, as though some amazing idea has suddenly occurred to him.
‘What?’ I ask him. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve found the answer to all my problems in the bottom of a pizza box.’
‘No,’ he says slowly. ‘But I have got an idea.’
‘What?’
‘Why don’t you move in here?’
‘And why the buggery bollocks would I want to do that?’ ‘Not as in move in, move in,’ he rushes to reassure me. ‘Not unless you want to, of course.’
‘You what?’
‘I’m joking,’ he says hurriedly. ‘But you could have the spare room, couldn’t you? It would save you paying rent on your flat while you get started. You could even use the study as an office.’
‘I can do it myself, thank you.’
‘Simpson, don’t be so stubborn.’ Sam starts to clear away hunks of mozzarella from the floor. ‘You’ve just told me you have no money. And I can’t lend you anymore ’cos it’s all tied up in my house. And the business. But I can share my house with you so you don’t have so many outgoings. Come on, Simpson. There’s not much alternative. Not unless you want to go back to working for someone else. And you know you don’t want to do that.’
‘And who are you to say what I want, exactly?’ I say through gritted teeth. This is typical of Sam, trying to control me like this. He’s done it ever since my dad disappeared with that oriental temptress.
‘Well, I…’ He looks surprised at my tone of voice.
‘Well what?’
‘I just thought it was best.’
‘There you go again,’ I snap. ‘Thinking you’re my dad. Well, I’m several months older than you, Sam Freeman, and don’t you forget it.’
‘Don’t be flippant.’
‘Don’t be a twat then.’
I know I sound ungrateful. But I don’t want to give up my independence. I can’t actually think of anything worse than living in someone else’s flat, cooking my dinner in shifts, creeping around so as not to get in the way and having to miss EastEnders because his mates are playing Grand Theft Auto on the PlayStation 2. And the problem with Sam is that he just won’t leave well alone. He’ll take it upon himself to meddle in every aspect of my life, ‘just making sure I’m OK’. And if I want to set up my own business, I need to feel that I can do things alone. Without some father figure always looking out for me.
And it’s not just that, of course. There’s the Pussy factor. If My Little Pony started spending any time here, I’d have to give up breathing or something.
‘So you think I should give up my flat?’ I ask him coldly.
‘If you have to, yes.’
‘Well, for your information, I don’t “have” to do anything. I can do what I want. I’m thirty years of age.’
‘Start acting it then.’
‘Piss off,’ I say. ‘On second thoughts, I’ll piss off. It is your house, after all.’
‘Stay.’
I calm down a bit after Sam gives me a fag. I can’t really afford to buy my own these days. And I suppose it was nice of him to offer. He was only trying to help, after all. It’s just that I can’t bear to acknowledge that I need help. After all I went through with Jake bloody Carpenter, I need to believe I can do all this on my own.