‘What?’ I say, starting to feel worried. ‘I haven’t got all day.’
‘I’ve asked your mother for her hand,’ Jeff says eventually.
‘What?’ I’m stunned.
‘I’ve asked her for her hand,’ he repeats.
‘What about the rest of her?’ I snap suddenly. ‘That not good enough for you?’
I don’t understand. I know I’m being childish but I cannot see how my mother could be so gullible as to fall for Sam’s dad’s charms. It’s always been just her and me. How could she even think of getting married again after what my father did to her?
What hurts even more is that Sam and Pussy already knew. She’s told them first. And Pussy bloody loves the fact. The bitch. She’s sucking up to my mother like a ruddy Dyson.
‘You’ll get used to the idea, love.’ Jeff pats my shoulder.
‘Will I?’ I sulk. Somehow I doubt it. What’s worse is that I can’t stop thinking how handsome Sam looks today. And now he’s going to be my brother.
It’s perverted.
‘It’ll be company for me, love,’ says Mum.
‘Right.’
‘And your mother’s got a lovely garden,’ Jeff pipes up. ‘There’ll be more room for my tomatoes.’
‘Oh well, that’s all right then, isn’t it?’ I spit. ‘S’ long as your tomatoes are going to be OK.’
I’m about to make a run for it to try and sort out my head when Pussy slimes her way into the conversation.
‘We’ve got a little announcement of our own to make, haven’t we, darling?’ She yanks Sam forward, as though he’s a small child, slightly shy of being made to speak up.
‘We have?’
I’m not sure if it’s a statement or a question, but Sam is clearly as confused as I am.
‘We’re getting engaged too.’ She beams.
‘Oh, fucking great,’ I huff.
‘Katie.’ Sam grabs my hand.
‘Fuck off.’
‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘I don’t know.’
And it’s true. I don’t really. All I know is that nothing is going right. I can’t cope with this. Two wedding announcements in one day. And I can’t even tell my mother about my own.
Buggery.
‘I’m going home,’ I say. ‘To George’s.’
‘But…’
‘No buts. I’m off.’
I’m halfway out of the house, midway between tears and hysterical laughter at the absurdity of it all when Sam catches me.
‘What’s wrong?’
I look at his face, all handsome and concerned.
‘How can you marry that little cow?’ I say.
‘What?’
‘You heard. She’s a bitch. She went round telling everyone she’d made all the food. I heard her.’
That’s true actually. I did hear Joff congratulating her on the wonderful tenderness of his chicken kebab. And she just batted her eyelashes and thanked him. I wanted to pick her up by her hair and use her as a fly swat but decided to rise above it at the time.
And where did that bloody get me?
‘She wouldn’t.’
‘Oh yes she bloody well would. I caught her doctoring the marinade as well.’
That bit’s a lie but I wouldn’t put it past her.
‘You’re just being ridiculous now,’ Sam says, his face suddenly changing.
‘What?’
‘Ridiculous and childish.’
‘Then you won’t be wanting to speak to me, will you?’ I spit. ‘So fuck off.’
‘OK then, I will. Ring me when you’ve grown-up,’ he says. ‘And when you’ve decided not to put us all through this ridiculous charade of a wedding you’re having.’
And without another word, he turns and storms back into the house.
‘Ditto,’ I yell back at him. ‘Fucking ditto, you bastard.’
Then I turn and storm towards the tube station.
Bugger it. Now I’ve gone and lost my best mate. And with my mum getting married and all I’ve been through, I could really do with him. What with George and David being so cheesily in love all the time and Janice’s hormones all over the place now she’ll soon be using her tummy as a shelf for her cup of tea.
And the very worst thing is, I think I sort of fancy Sam.
And he’s going to be my brother.
And he hates me.
Bollocks.
Before my dress fitting, I worry myself stupid over whether or not Didier will be able to make the dress look right. Sam gave me the photo as soon as he’d got it out of Boots and George gave it to Didier in plenty of time. But I’d hate to think that after finding the perfect dress, the whole thing’ll be down the pan like a dodgy prawn vindaloo.