“I’m sorry.” He genuinely sounded apologetic. “I never thought Mitch would—okay, that’s a lie—I did know he wouldn’t want you by yourself, but I never dreamed he would ask me to stay at the house. I thought he would ask someone else.”
“So you weren’t hoping to stay at the house?” I questioned him seriously.
He chuckled. “Of course not, CJ.”
“Okay.” But then I remembered something he’d said. “Wait, did you say you knew Mitch wouldn’t want to leave me alone at the house?”
There was a pause. “Yes,” he answered carefully.
“Then why did you even mention it to him?” I was confused.
“Well, I only did it because I wanted to make sure you were safe. I mean, you would have been by yourself for the whole week. Like I said, I never dreamed Mitch would ask me to stay with you.”
I sighed. He was just trying to look after my wellbeing, at least that’s what I kept telling myself. “Who else would he have asked? It’s not like I know a whole bunch of people.”
“I’m sorry, CJ. I just wasn’t thinking.”
“You could’ve just told me. I don’t think I would have minded if you stopped by every so often. Well, okay, that’s a lie.”
Devin chuckled. “Everything I do bothers you, CJ.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” I laughed.
“Why is that?” he asked, suddenly serious.
I paused, because honestly I never really thought about it. I mean, looking back, I realized that my feelings toward Devin stemmed from what happened in high school. I’ve never really evaluated how I feel about him or forgiven him for embarrassing me. I’m stuck disliking him all because of what he did back then. I guess I’ve just gotten used to harboring this animosity toward him. Honestly, when I stopped to think about it, I really couldn’t remember the last time he’d been anything but nice to me.
“I…well, it’s because—”
“Because in actuality you really like me but pretend to hate me because it’s easier? Because you’re afraid of getting hurt again?” he said, and suddenly I remembered.
“No, it’s because you’re an arrogant jerk who only thinks about himself and what women think about him. You’re a selfish pig who couldn’t care less about anyone’s feelings.”
“Wow, that’s not what I was expecting.” He actually sounded hurt.
“What were you expecting? A confession? ‘Oh, Devin! I can’t live without you! I love you so much it hurts! I can’t hide it anymore. Tell me you feel the same way!’” I mocked.
I’m sure he’d heard those words, or a variation of them, thousands of times. Women always seemed to be all over him. Well, not me. I am not going to stoop to their ranks. Never again.
Devin was silent. He wasn’t saying a word. Maybe I had gone too far.
“Devin? Dev? I—I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry.”
“I have to go, Christy.”
Christy. No nickname. No CJ, only Christy. This wasn’t good.
“Devin, please. You know I was just messing with you.”
“That’s the problem,” he said quietly. It threw me a little. Why was it such a problem? Why did it matter?
“I’m sorry, Devin. I don't mean to give you such a hard time. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. You’re one of my closest friends, even if it doesn’t always seem that way.”
I heard a soft sigh. “It’s okay, Chris. No harm done, okay?”
Chris. I was getting closer.
“I expect you to be at the house after Mitch and Meg leave.”
“Well, Emily is leaving tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah, in the afternoon, after my appointment.” Devin was the only person in the world besides Mitch who knew about my appointments with Dr. Stone.
I can’t believe I’ve been going to see Dr. Stone for four years now. I mean, at first I didn’t really go. I think I probably went four times in that first year and maybe twice that number the second year. I haven’t made much progress opening up about what happened to me back then. I think Dr. Stone is slightly frustrated with me. It wasn’t until just this past year that I started going regularly. But it’s still hard to talk about, even with Devin, who knows everything. He’s been so supportive. I don’t know why I speak to him so disrespectfully sometimes.
“They probably are leaving sometime tomorrow then. They have the hotel room for the whole week. Mitch told me he’d be back the following Sunday.”
“That’s a pretty sweet deal you won.”