Was I falling for Devin Malone once more?
That’s when I freaked out.
“Stop, Devin,” I said, trying to regain what little sense of consciousness I had. “Stop!” I yelled then pushed him back. I closed my shirt and looked up at his confused face. “I can’t do this.”
“I’m sorry I pushed you. I didn’t mean to. I just got carried away. I’m sorry.” He shifted in the chair and stood up, raking his hand through his hair.
“It’s nothing you did, Dev. I enjoyed it far more than you realize. That’s the problem. I mean if I let you continue, we both know where it would have led. I’m not ready tonight. I can’t help but remember that night and what happened. I’m just embarrassed I guess more than anything.” But in reality I was more scared that if I let it continue and we had done the dirty deed, I would be utterly incapable of keeping myself from falling in love with one of my closest friends. I needed to get my head straight and the thoughts in my brain clear. And that wasn’t going to happen with him kissing me in ways I hadn’t thought could lead to so much pleasure.
Devin nodded his head. “You won’t have to be embarrassed. But you’re right, tonight is not that night. I better go upstairs. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I watched as he climbed the stairs, wishing I hadn’t stopped him, wishing I had just let him ravish me.
Later, when my mind cleared, I realized that what I really wanted was still Devin. My feelings for him were complicated, but one thing I did know: I needed to be with Devin, no matter how much time we had left—a day, another week—it didn’t matter. I just needed him.
Chapter Nine
The next morning, Devin was already downstairs again when I came into the kitchen. He handed me a filled coffee mug, and I couldn’t help but lean down and kiss his cheek. “Thanks, Dev,” I said, which is unusual because in the mornings I never say anything unless I’ve had my coffee.
Devin looked up at me and smiled. “You’re welcome,” he told me, saying nothing about my brief peck on his cheek.
I sat down next to him with a bowl of Cheerios and quietly ate and sipped my coffee, every so often peeking at Devin, who was looking at the newspaper.
“If you want a better view, I can put the paper down,” Devin said, lowering the paper and catching me staring at him.
“That would be nice, but you and I both have to go.” I smiled and took my bowl to the sink. I turned around and found Devin standing right behind me.
“Before you head out the door, I think you forgot one thing,” he said then pulled me closer and kissed me. I was immediately caught, I wasn’t about to escape. “We both need to go,” Devin whispered as he moved down to kiss my neck.
All I could do was make a noncommittal noise and enjoy the attention he was now paying to my left shoulder.
“We have to stop,” he finally said, pulling away. “You make it so hard to leave, though.” He once more bent to claim my lips.
I pushed away and laughed. “You’re going to make us late and as much as I would love to stay here, I am making an executive decision, let’s go.”
Devin smiled and went to grab his plate and place it in the sink. “I’ll take care of this,” he said, pointing to the sink, “when I get back tonight.”
I nodded and picked up my bag waiting by the entryway. “I’ll see you later.” I smiled and waved.
“Bye, Chris.”
I arrived to work in a more pleasant mood than I ever had in the past, all because of one Devin Malone.
I thought about what that really meant. What I mean is, Dr. Stone had said some pretty striking stuff that got me thinking. What if everything I was feeling was because of Devin? What if I was happy because Devin caused it? My heart was starting to betray me, it swelled at even the smallest of touches and it wouldn’t be long before I was fully captivated by him. The only problem was that we weren’t actually in a real relationship. It was fake from the beginning, so why was I so invested in him?
Before I could overanalyze anymore, I had several calls I had to transfer. This went on most of the morning until close to my lunch break, surprising for a Thursday morning. I had just called Shelly to relieve me for lunch when the doors to the front entrance opened and in walked Devin with a bouquet of flowers. This was the fourth day in a row, but he would always bring them at different times.
“Hey,” he said with a smile.
“Hi.” I couldn’t help my big grin.
“I found these outside with your name on them. I figured I better bring them to you.”
“Thank you, that’s very kind, only you weren’t supposed to see those.”