My Best Friend's Ex(98)

Her words ring true in my head. That's what I've been doing. But how? How do I prevent that from happening? The loss of my dad dictated both my physical and emotional poverty. The loss of a mother's nurturing hand in my life forced me into a job I love and am damn good at. The loss of Sadie meant I lost my best friend and many past connections.

That loss allowed my soul to meet my Emma.

Losses aren't all bad. In fact, losses can bring about good. Different but good.

Be sad about the baby we lost, but don't let it dictate the rest of your life. That's what Sadie's done. I need to accept what we lost. To focus on my future. No, not my future. If there is one thing that is abundantly clear now, it's our future I want. The one I want with Emma. The one I hope I can rectify with Emma. I want us.

Because there is one thing I know for certain. Losing Sadie and the baby crippled me for a time, but losing Emma will destroy me.

***

Sadie left a little while ago. I took my time cleaning up the broken pot and locking up the house before I went to Emma. I needed to get my head on straight before I talked to her, before I apologized for being a total ass.

There isn't a light shining under the crack of her door so I look at the time on my phone. Past ten, shit. Unsure if I should knock, I waver between what to do. If she's sleeping, will she want to wake up and have a conversation? But if I wait until the morning, will that be too late? I'm thinking the latter is not the way I want to go so I knock. When I don't hear her answer, I open the door a few inches and peek inside.



       
         
       
        

I was right, she doesn't have a light turned on and over on her bed, she's in a curled-up ball, her back facing me.

Needing to make things right, I walk over to her bed and sit on the side, pressing my hand on her hip. She startles for a second but then doesn't make a move after that.

"Emma," I whisper, hoping not to scare her too much.

"What, Tucker?" she replies, her voice groggy.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up, but I really want to talk to you about tonight."

She turns in the bed and sits up. From the light pouring in from the moon, I can see her eyes are puffy from crying. Bitter pain runs down my spine. I did this to her. I'm constantly doing this to her, upsetting her when she's done absolutely nothing but love on me.

She wipes her cheeks and then pulls her legs into her chest, a defensive position I don't care for. "There is nothing to really talk about, Tucker."

"To hell there isn't. I was an ass back there. I shouldn't have said what I did."

"Oh, that we are just having fun?" I cringe from her sarcastic tone. "Because isn't that what this is? Just fun? There isn't any emotional connection behind what we have as it's just been sex, right?"

"No-"

"Well it was for me." She jabs me in the gut. "Just a little fun before I graduated. Isn't that what you wanted, Tucker? Rule number one, let loose? Well, I did. I let loose, I had some fun, and now it's time for me to focus on graduating, taking my exams, and moving on and moving out."

I grind my teeth together from hearing her say those two words. Move out. Just hearing those words causes a deep-rooted ache within me. Move out, fuck, that terrifies me. I don't want her to leave. She can't fucking leave.

I try to take her hand but she doesn't let me so I run my hand over my face, my frustration over this situation growing exponentially and my inability to voice my thoughts clogging my throat. "It wasn't just fun for me, Emma. You mean something to me."

"Yeah?" She nods. "Good to know." Fuck I hate this. This is not my Emma.

"Are you going to say what we have doesn't mean anything to you?"

Her response isn't quick. It's more calculated as she chews on her bottom lip, her eyes falling to her knees, trying to figure out how to break my fucking heart. I can see it in her posture, in the way she's shutting down. For once, she's saving herself before I can do any more damage.

When she looks back up at me, I can see the finality in her eyes. This is over for her. Too bad it's not fucking over for me.

"You're my friend, Tucker, so of course you mean something to me. But what we've had, it was just temporary, not long-term. I think it would be best to end everything and stay as friends, so at least we have that." 

"Stay as friends." I nod, anger vibrating off me.

"Yeah, I think it's for the best. Plus with everything changing in a month, who knows where I'll be? Best end it now."

"Where you'll be, what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I've been applying for jobs, Tucker. Some are out of state."