"This is a little awkward." Sadie laughs, which causes Tucker to laugh as well and then grab the back of his neck.
With a tilted head, he smiles at her and says, "It's good to see you, though."
My stomach sinks to the floor and my throat starts to clamp up. It's not the words, but the way he spoke them, with a rich, velvety tone that almost sounds grateful of her presence. Embarrassment and humility crashes into me like a wave of big, fat regret. Was I just dreaming these last few months? Was I living in the clouds, thinking that maybe, just maybe Tucker would actually get over Sadie, and find comfort and love with me? Did I even stand a chance?
I clamp my arms around my stomach and shift my feet, trying not to feel sick. When I shift, the floor creaks, drawing their attention. Sadie makes eye contact with me and smiles. "Hey, girl. You left your book in my car. Thought you might need it."
Putting on a bright smile and avoiding all eye contact with Tucker, I walk up to Sadie and take the book while saying thank you. "Yeah, I would have missed this one tonight."
"Oh, I'm glad I brought it back tonight instead of trying to find you tomorrow." Sadie folds her hands together and looks around one last time. "I better get . . . oh, look, these are cute." She walks up to the fireplace and I squeeze my eyes shut. Shit, the picture frames. "Wh-" Sadie whips around toward me and whispers behind her hand. "You're with Tucker?"
Crap. I could say no, but the picture of Tucker kissing me on the cheek is a dead giveaway. Instead of lying, I nod my head.
"You two are dating?" This time Sadie turns to Tucker who is still pulling on the back of his neck, but with more force now.
"I mean, we're kind of just having fun," Tucker answers, avoiding all kinds of eye contact.
Excuse me?
Just having fun?
This time I look at Tucker. He glances at me, regret in his eyes. Yeah, you better regret that little statement. Or maybe he won't. Maybe he wants me to know this about us.
Angry, frustrated, and hurt, I squeeze my book to my chest and say, "Yeah, just having fun. Nothing to worry about, Sadie. I would love to hash this out with you, but I really should get to studying." I turn away when I realize I should probably apologize. "I'm sorry for not telling you earlier and stepping over my best-friend boundaries. I should have thought about the repercussions before entering into something so casual." That last jab was for Tucker. A part of me really hopes it hurts him but from the way he's looking at Sadie . . .
He still loves her.
He's not over her.
From the look on his face, it probably didn't have the impact I wish it did. We're kind of just having fun. "Thanks for returning my book."
I give her a small wave and go straight to my room, making sure to dodge the broken pot on the ground.
Once my door is shut, I sink to the floor and put my head in my hands as tears start to fall from my eyes, a waterfall of pain and regret cascading past my fingers. What was I thinking starting something with Tucker? A great pair of abs, a gentle heart, and a caring soul swept me up into his arms, took me for an unforgettable ride, and just when I thought everything was going to work out for the long haul, I'm reminded of my rose-colored glasses. Rose-colored glasses that have blinded me to the truth.
Sadie. It's always been Sadie. And I'm not mad at her; I don't blame her for anything. They have history. So much history that of course, it would be impossible for Tucker to overcome that pull. No one will come between that for him. I should have seen it from the beginning, but I had too much hope for what could be between us.
Logan was right. And as I sit here feeling my heart ripping into thousands of pieces, I despise having to admit that.
I'll never be Tucker Jameson's girl.
That door is closed.
Chapter Twenty-Two
TUCKER
"What the hell are you doing, Tucker?"
I stare off at Emma's room, a sinking feeling in my bones, the kind of feeling that's lighting up warning signs in my head, telling me that I just fucked up everything with Emma.
We're just having fun. Fuck, why the hell did I say that? My initial thought was to protect Emma, to save her relationship with Sadie. I thought if I made what we have between us seem casual, Sadie wouldn't be as mad, but it had the reverse effect. Instead, I hurt Emma.
"Tucker, go after her?" Sadie says.
I rake my hand through my hair, my heart pulling in Emma's direction, but my head fucking with me. "Why did you come here?" I ask, malice in my voice.
Sadie takes a step back from my unwarranted anger. "Emma left her book in my car, and I wanted to make sure she had it. Why are you angry at me?"