"Figures." She smiles. "You were so wrapped up in Sadie, you had no idea how many hearts you were breaking with every kiss you gave her. You were the boy, Tucker. Every girl wanted you to look their way, to give them a second of your time, to . . ." she swallows hard and continues, "to be swept up into your world."
I grab the back of my neck uncomfortably. "That's, uh . . ." Fuck, what does someone say to that? "That's interesting." I cringe inwardly.
Emma chuckles and shakes her head. "You're so oblivious. You always have been. And it never made sense why you thought you weren't good enough for Sadie."
"Clearly, I wasn't." My voice is forlorn, pensive almost.
Emma scoots closer and puts her hand on mine, causing me to look her in the eyes. "You were good enough to be with her, Tucker. You just weren't right for her."
Seems to be the common opinion amongst our group of friends, besides me. Not for one fucking minute did I think I wasn't right for Sadie. In fact, I thought I was the perfect fit for her. We'd been through hell and back together. Up until she met her boyfriend Andrew, there was nothing I didn't know about her; there was nothing she kept hidden from me.
Irritation consumes me, my patience growing thin quickly with every memory of Sadie that passes through my mind.
"I don't believe that," I answer honestly, my voice stern, to the point. "Sadie was the love of my life. Is . . . she is the love of my life." I run my hand over my face and try to calm my racing heart.
"Tucker, I didn't mean to-"
"You know what, it's getting late," I snap. "I think we should call it a night." I snag the magazine from bed and toss it to the side, putting an end to our "sex talk."
"Oh . . . okay." Emma shifts off the bed, her voice weak. "I didn't mean to offend you, Tucker."
Consider me fucking offended.
"It's fine. I'll catch you later, Emma." And just like that, I shut down, tucking myself into bed and letting her show her way out of my bedroom.
There are two things I don't want to talk about, ever: my mom and Sadie. Both topics cause me pain, self-hatred, and make me question every aspect of my desperately pathetic and shitty life.
As she slowly leaves my room, I turn on my side away from her and her "opinion", still fuming from thoughts of Sadie, of everyone's doubt in our relationship. Of fucking Sadie's doubt in our relationship. She didn't even give me a second chance to prove to her that I'm the man she needs. Not a boy, but the MAN she fucking needs.
No, Emma, you're wrong.
I wasn't good enough.
I wasn't good enough for Sadie to stay.
Chapter Nine
EMMA
Have you ever said something you wish you could take back the moment it comes out of your mouth? I'm sure you have. I'm sure there has been a time in your life where you say something stupid, something that changes the course of a relationship, something so out of character that you start sweating. And not just underarm kind of sweat, but the type of sweat that coats the back of your neck, your upper lip, and every crevice of your body.
Regret immediately hits you hard in the chest and all you can do is sit back and chastise yourself while apologizing profusely to whomever you offended. And they can say it's fine, they can act like everything is hunky-dory, that life is still the same, but it's not. Do you know why? Because those words you uttered are out there in the universe, sitting there like a giant purple set of man balls, unshaven, in the room. This isn't pink-elephant-in-the-room status. We're talking nasty, uneven, purple, hairy man balls, tickling you under the chin with its pubes. It's there, exposed, reminding you every day of the one sentence you should have kept to yourself.
You just weren't right for her.
Those . . . how many words are there . . . four, five, six. Those six little words changed everything in my living arrangement. It's been a week and I can count on one hand the amount of words Tucker's said to me despite trying to reach him. I've tried. I try every damn day to include him in conversation but he's short, terse, and uninterested. Somber. Hiding.
Note to self: he doesn't like to talk about Sadie. Got it.
And you know what? Even though I regret saying those words out loud, I still believe them. I actually didn't like them together at all, because even though they had some really good times, their bad times outweighed the good . . . easily. Their relationship was volatile. I can remember some of the arguments they would get into at parties, how they would scream at each other, and verbally hurt one another. Some nights they ended on a good note, some nights I wound up driving Sadie back to my place.