My Best Friend's Ex(26)

Fuck, do not have a boner right now.

"I don't understand how she can bend her back like that. She really has to drop her stomach, but I don't know how that's accomplished."

This is fucking torture. She continues to stick her ass in the air, her shirt really starting to ride high now. I know if I fucking glanced down, if I really took a look, I might be able to see her breasts from the way her shirt is dropping in the front, but I keep my eyes trained on her ass instead. It's the lesser of the two evils. Although, fuck, all I want to do is spank it.

Christ. Where is this coming from? The girl is in a matching pajama set for fuck's sake and she's your goddamn friend. Note to self: get laid soon because my mind is starting to go crazy from lack of sex.

"Oh well." She sits back up on the bed, as if she didn't just put me through the guillotine. "Oh, look at this girl. She looks nice. She has a great butt, but look at those melons." Emma puts her hand over her mouth and giggles while looking at me. On a whisper, she says, "They're huge. Like two tetherballs dangling from her chest."

Well, there goes tetherball for me. I'll never be able to look at them the same anymore, but I hate to admit it, Emma has a point. Her boobs are huge. Very ill-proportioned for her body.



       
         
       
        

"She does know how to pose though. I wonder if I posed like her if my boobs would seem bigger."

Just when I thought I was out of the danger zone, Emma faces me, kneeling on my bed, legs spread, she leans forward and with her upper arms, she squeezes her breasts together in my direction. The buttons that are undone at the top of her shirt give me a flash of cleavage as she looks down at herself. I really shouldn't be looking down her shirt, I should seriously look away, but fuck me. I can't seem to train my eyes to look away.

I'm a guy and there are boobs facing me.

"Maybe they look bigger."

Emma has curves. She doesn't have the biggest boobs I've ever seen, but they are just big enough to fill the dresses she wears, and that ass? Let's just say I might have seen it in a new light tonight.

Glancing up at me, she asks, "I wonder what guys do to enhance the look of their penis. I mean. You can't pump up your pelvis and look natural at the same time. We can lean forward and squish our boobs together and voilà, mega tits. But what is there for mega dick? Lifting your scrotum up to the air?"

Chuckling, I shake my head and say, "Erections, babe. Erections make dicks bigger."

And I'm trying to hide my fucking aching cock right now.

She tilts her head to the side and gives me a pointed look. "I know erections make dicks look bigger. But what if your dick isn't that big?"

"Then you're not posing for a camera, that's for damn sure."

"Aw." She pouts her lips. "Poor petite penises. Their dreams of being a dick model forever vanished. It's like models; you can't be one unless you're taller than five eight. There is discrimination everywhere. Maybe I should start a small-dick magazine, to help all the little shrimpies get a shot at glory."

"No one is going to want that magazine, babe. Sorry to say."

"Well, I would look at it."

"Yeah?" I raise an eyebrow at her. "You would look at dicks so small that you would have to use a pair of chopsticks to sift through the pubes to get to it?"

"They are not that small. And no pubes allowed. If I have to keep things pretty, so do men."

I sit back again. For obvious reasons, my legs propped up and I rest my arms on my knees. She keeps things pretty down there. Perhaps I should re-evaluate this rule. Sex talk with Emma may be dangerous. "Keeping things straightened up down there, Emma? In case you happen to have that one-night stand?"

She shifts on the bed and flips through the pages. "You never know when you're going to find a pretty meatus you can't turn your vagina away from." 

"What the fuck is a meatus?" The urge to puke in my mouth is strong.

"You don't know what a meatus is? You have a penis, don't you?"

"Last time I checked."

"Do you not know the anatomy of your own dick?" Her voice sounds exasperated, as if I really should know the technical terms of every part of my penis. Sorry, but I know everything I need to know.

"I know what needs to be known. Balls, taint, dick, pee hole. What else do I really need to be aware of?"

She rolls her eyes and with one hand, she forms what I'm going to assume is a penis by sticking two fingers out and curling the others into her palm to represent balls. Clever. With her other hand, she points to her hand, laying out the parts of the penis. "This is the scrotum . . ."