For some reason, I really wanted to give her that.
I dropped her back off at the coffee shop I'd picked her up at. I watched her walk back toward her apartment, her shoulders drooped slightly as she shielded herself from the world. The press was still hanging around outside her apartment, forcing her to go in the back like a criminal on the run.
I sped off and headed straight for Emma's. I needed to talk to her, even if we talked through her door. I needed her to understand how sorry I was and that she had no reason to be upset with Sarah. I'd take the fall for everything. I'd tell her it was my suggestion to keep this from her and that Sarah had only gone along with it.
It was the least I could do after all the shit that had blown up in our faces.
I pulled up to Emma's townhome and took a few deep breaths. For some reason, I felt nervous, but I couldn't put my finger on why. Tony kept ringing my phone, wanting me to pick up after dropping off the face of the earth. Text message after text message rolled through my phone, and finally, I decided to chuck my phone into the backseat of my car. There were more important things to deal with than my image as portrayed by the media, and I was looking right at it.
Emma had walked outside to pick up the newspaper and was looking right at me.
I got out of my car while she slowly backtracked. I hopped up onto the sidewalk as I saw her turn her back. She ran for the door as I strode after her, my entire body beckoning for her to just stay put. The door slammed in my face as I got up to it, and I immediately began banging my fist against it.
"Emma, please open up."
"No," she said.
"We need to talk."
"No, thanks," she said.
"Please, Emma. Please just give me one last chance."
"You've had enough chances, you sleazebag."
She was irate. I could hear it in her voice. I continued knocking on the door, hoping my incessant pandering would make her open up. Like calling Sarah repeatedly until she would finally answer her phone for me. I knocked until my fist was sore, and then I simply switched hands.
My sister hadn't given up on me, and now was my chance to show her I wasn't giving up on her.
"I could do this all day, Emma."
"Just like you could do my best friend?"
She ripped the door open and connected her heated gaze with mine, and for the first time in my entire life, I had no idea what to say.
"Can I come in?" I asked.
"No."
"Please? Just to talk."
"What do you not understand about the word no?" she asked.
"Everything about it," I said.
"Now I see what Sarah was talking about," she said.
"And what's that?"
"She said you kept bothering her even when she ignored your calls and told you no. I'm starting to realize what she was talking about."
She turned away from the door but didn't shut it in my face. I walked into her home and breathed in the scent of apples and oranges as I shut the door behind me. Emma had planted herself on the couch before letting out a massive sigh, and I saw that she was watching the news.
The news that kept flashing that fucking photograph of Sarah and me.
"You can't be upset with Sarah," I said.
"You don't get to lie to me, hurt me, deceive me, and then tell me how I feel," she said.
"It was my idea to keep this from you. Not hers," I said.
"Lie number … hell, I don't even know at this point. I've already talked to Sarah. I know it was her idea. Her suggestion. Thanks for not trying hard enough to talk her out of it," she said.
"Emma, we didn't know. When we first started this whole thing, we didn't know that her best friend and my half-sister were the same person. I'm serious."
"And when you did find out, you decided to hide it from me and play coy all Wednesday night. I feel like such an idiot."
"You're not an idiot, Emma. We're the idiots," I said.
"You're damn straight you are. I don't like the fact that you two are together."
"And why not?" I asked.
"Because you're sleazy. Always have been."
"You hardly know me," I said. "Something I'm trying to change, by the way."
"What? Me not knowing you or the sleaziness?" she asked.
"Both," I guess.
"So, you admit you're sleazy?"
"Yes. No. Emma, come on. This is nuts. Sarah's been through enough. I've been through enough. We're sorry."
"Sarah's got her own shit to deal with without you coming into the picture and messing her up further."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Nothing."
"Emma, what are you talking about? What's happened with Sarah?"
"What the fuck do you care?" she asked.
"Because I do!"
I yelled louder than I ever intended to, and it scared Emma right off her couch. Her eyes were wide and filling with tears as I clenched my fists. I could feel my entire body trembling as I stood there in the middle of her home. What had happened to Sarah? Was she all right?
"You'll have to ask her if you want to know," Emma said breathlessly. "I may be pissed at her, but I'd never betray her like that. Ever."
"I just want you to forgive me, Emma. I want to try and get to know my sister a little bit," I said.
"And a few days ago, I was all for it, but now that I understand you're still capable of lying and deceiving me, that comes with a condition."
"Emma, don't."
"You want to get to know me? You make up with Mom," she said.
"Emma, that's not happening," I said.
"Then you don't get me."
"Come on. This is nuts."
"This entire thing is nuts. The only person in my life I ever truly trusted lied to me about dating when I told her it was a shit idea when it turns out the person she's screwing is my sleazebag, lying sack of shit brother who's broken my heart more times than I could imagine. And then, I had to find out by seeing a photo plastered of the two of them about to suck face in a restaurant parking lot."
"That photo was obtained illegally, and maybe if you supported Sarah in her need to step out and find some sort of companionship so she doesn't feel so alone, she wouldn't feel the need to keep it from you," I exclaimed.
Emma was panting for breath as tears poured over the surface of her cheeks. My fists were clenching so hard I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms. I stood rooted in place, determined to hash this thing out with Emma. I didn't care if she wanted a relationship with me anymore. I wasn't going to allow her to throw her relationship away with Sarah over this.
Not because of me.
"Sh-she's lonely?" Emma asked.
"More than you could ever imagine," I said. "She'll never say it. She'll never admit to weakness because of her pride. But she is. We-we both are. Were. I don't know anymore."
I turned my back and raked my hand through my hair. I had no idea how to piece this back together anymore. All I could do was offer up the only truth I knew.
My own.
"I'll get over things with Sarah," she said. "I just get to be mad about it for a while. But you. You need to see Mom."
"I'm not fucking seeing that woman," I said.
"Well, you should."
"And why's that?" I asked as I spun around.
"Because she has cancer."
The word hit me like a ton of bricks. Cancer?
My mother had cancer?
"Is she?"
"She's not dying. Not yet, anyway. It's her second battle with it," Emma said.
"Her second?"
"Yeah. First, it was breast cancer a few years back. Now it's liver."
"She has liver cancer," I said.
"She does. You should go see her. It's been years, Mason. And I've watched the wonderful woman who raised me tear herself to pieces over whatever it was that happened between you two."
"She left," I said.
"She did. Did she ever tell you why?"
"No. She wouldn't even take my fucking calls," I said.
"Why don't you come with me? You can ask her," she said.
"I don't know if I can," I said.
"Then grow a pair of balls and meet me at my car. I'll drive us."
I stood there in the hallway of her townhome for what seemed like ages before I drew in a deep breath. I straightened up my coat before I turned and walked out the door, heading for Emma's Jeep as I shut the door behind me. The drive to her childhood home was long and winding. I had no idea what town we were in or how far away from Dallas we were, but by the time we pulled up into the driveway of a modest two-story home, I could see the tears twinkling in Emma's eyes again.
"Just brace yourself," she said as she parked the car.
Without another word, we headed into the house. A dog came rushing to my feet, sniffing at my shoes and jumping up onto my leg. Emma scooped the dog up and held it close as we walked all the way to the back of the house, bypassing a pristine kitchen that didn't look like it'd been used in years.