My Addiction (Second Chances Series)(4)

He would say to me, “Until you find that person that makes your heart stop, that weakens you and builds you up at that same time, someone that embraces who you are and loves you in spite of yourself, completes you in every way, then come talk to me. You show me then how you can move on with your life without her.”

When Lock would say things like that to me, I’d simply nod my head and walk away. He knew I had found that person that did everything he’d mentioned and more. She’s my weakness, the kryptonite that had the capability of sucking the life from me, leaving me with nothing. I knew she had this power over me the first day I met her, but, for some reason, it was impossible for me to stay away. This wasn’t a secret. It had always been that way, and Lock wasn’t oblivious to how I felt about her. It was his choice to ignore it.

I pulled off my t-shirt, grabbed my bags and moved to the spare bedroom in the back of his house. He and MJ designated this space mine when they bought this two-story house seven years ago. A long hallway separates a nice sized bedroom and full bathroom from the rest of the house. I have a door in my room that exits on the side of the house and a sliding glass door that exits onto the back deck. This used to be where I studied most nights and where I stayed when I came to visit my brother, which, by the way, hadn’t been often.

I dropped my bags on the floor and fell on the bed looking up at the ceiling. This day was tiring and these last few months were hell. Just as I closed my eyes, my phone vibrated on my hip. I blindly reached for it, looked at the screen and took a deep breath.

“Hello,” I answered hoping that this conversation wouldn’t last very long.

“How was your drive?” my newly ex-fiancée asked.

“It was fine.”

“So are you at your brother’s house now?”

I sighed. “Yes, Nora, I’m at my brother’s house. As a matter of fact, I’m lying across the bed as we speak about to close my eyes for a little while.”

She got quiet, and I listened to her breathing on the other line. I had a feeling she was probably lounging on the couch as she sipped on her midday glass of red. I closed my eyes and waited for her to decide what she wanted to say to me. I didn’t have to wait too long.

“How long are you going to be gone?” she asked.

“I don’t know Nora. A few months maybe.”

She got quiet again and again I waited. One thing about Nora, you couldn’t rush her when she had shit on her mind to say. It’s like pulling teeth, but I guess that’s why we got along so well. I had an unbelievable amount of patience, and it took that much to deal with Nora.

“So this is it then?”

“Nora, we talked about this before I left, didn’t we?”

“As I recall you talked mostly.” She paused then softly said, “You don’t love me anymore, is that it?”

I sighed again and sat up. “I’m not saying that I don’t love you. It’s just that I don’t think it’s enough. Nora, there are things missing between us, and I feel like we’re just going through the motions. We’ve been just roommates for months now. I haven’t felt like an ‘us’ in a long time, and I know you’ve felt the same way. As we talked about a few days ago, we can’t enter into a marriage like that.”

“Yes, you mentioned a lot of things that I had no clue about. For instance, I didn’t know you hated my friends. They really like you, and I thought you felt the same way. I also agree that we don’t spend a lot of time together, but that’s your fault, not mine. I think we are right for each other. I think we can make it. I’ll work on the things you mentioned, okay? We can hang out with your friends too. I just never thought you wanted to because you never suggested it. But, Braddock, I don’t think we should give up.”

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. My goal was to get away for a while and not have to argue about this shit. She’s right though. I had never suggested that we go out with my friends because none of my friends or their wives liked Nora. Nora constantly complained and smothered me to death every time we hung around my friends. I had no room to breathe. She told me that she had to stay around me to keep an eye on my friend’s girlfriends. In her mind, every female wanted me.

What she needed to do was look at her own friends. They’re the ones that constantly gave me the eye, or tried their best to get me alone with them. Some of them even overtly flirted with me, but she claimed she didn’t see it.

“Nora, look, I’m not just giving up. We’ve talked about making changes to our relationship multiple times. I’ve asked that we spend more time together alone. I’ve even suggested getaway trips when I had time off, but you’ve always found a reason or an event that would trump everything, so I stopped thinking it could work. I don’t want to string you along with hopes of something that I’m not sure I can provide. And I don’t want to waste any more time trying to figure shit out.”