I shook my head. If I was thinking logically, I might have agreed with him, but I’m not. I’m all kinds of mixed up in a woman.
I sighed. “Let me ask you a question, do you regret the time you spent with MJ?” My brother instantly started shaking his head.
“It’s not the same,” he replied.
“No, it’s the same brother. Look, Nora is a great woman. She is. She’s just not great for me. I don’t want to live my life bored half out of my mind when I get home. I don’t want to be a robot with no love, emotion, and desire in my life. That’s what it was like for me, and I’m not going to marry into anything that makes me that unhappy.”
“So you’d rather be with a junkie?”
I felt my temper starting to get the better of me, which I will explain sort of causes me to do things or say things that I normally wouldn’t do or say. It’s my alter ego that sometimes comes out when I feel threatened and cornered, sort of like what happened to Roger and his friends. My brother is fully aware of how volatile I could be. The potential was there I assure you, but I managed to always keep a lid on it… but the preverbal lid was starting to lift.
I took a few deep breaths while closing my eyes, missing everything else my brother said to me. I was counting to ten in my head.
Get it under control, Mills.
When I opened my eyes, I looked at my brother who was studying me closely.
I said to him, voice filled with the rage within me. “Call her that shit again and, I swear to God, you and I will have more than just fucking words! I’ve never known you to be this cold and judgmental, considering how messed up you are. I’m blown away.” He was about to speak, but I held up my hand. “I’m not saying Ayana didn’t have issues in the past. I’m not knocking that something is going on with her now, but I care enough about her to give her this chance. I’m in love with her, Lock. I need every bit of her, and I can’t explain what she does to me to you because there’s no way you can relate. You’re so gone over MJ that you can’t see shit. Maybe one day you will get it. I just hope we are still speaking when you do.”
As I turned to walk into my bedroom that sliver of doubt crept in my mind. What if this shit doesn’t work out with Ayana? What the hell am I going to do? What if my brother’s right and shit continues to be messed up with her? Maybe I did need normalcy, and I just needed to deal with it. It’s a strong possibility I was going down this road only to end up back where I started… with Nora.
I shook my head. That couldn’t be in the cards for me. I would not settle. What I needed was to look Ayana in her eyes and let her know exactly what’s at stake here.
I heard my phone ringing in the dining room, and I moved quickly to get it. My brother was silently putting the last few dishes away when I entered the room. I grabbed my phone and answered it quickly.
“Dr. Mills,” I answered hoping I didn’t miss my call. I’d been waiting for a call for weeks now, and I was hoping this was it.
“Dr. Mills, glad I caught you, I finally found some time to make this call. I’m Dr. Andrew Strauss, the head of Cardiology for Baytown University Medical Center.”
“Yes sir.” Because hell that’s what you say to a man like Dr. Andrew Strauss. He’s one of the top surgeons in my field throughout the country, behind my mentor.
“Ben contacted me a few nights ago. Said one of his top students was leaving him and needed a place to finish his fellowship in my city.”
“Yes, sir. Would you be able to assist in helping me find something?” I asked, hoping he would say yes. Cardiology is a tough science to get into and very competitive. It’s all about who you know, and I was thankful to know some really important people.
“Well, son, I would need to formally meet you and discuss some things. However, based off of Ben, some of the case studies you worked on, and your level of work, I think I can help indeed.”
“Sir, that’s good news,” I smiled. “Whenever you’re available, I would be happy to meet with you.”
“Well, let’s see… I have some free time in about an hour, then I have to scrub up to do an angioplasty for a friend of mine. Why don’t you come down so we can talk? Afterwards, you can scrub up with me.”
My eyes grew as if Magic Johnson just asked me to play a pickup game with him. This was a huge honor.
“Yes, sir. I’ll be happy to.”
“Fine. Here is where you need to go and when you get to the nurses’ station, just tell them you’re here for me.” I wrote down the address Dr Strauss read off to me, hoping this would be the start of a chapter in my life.