He didn’t reply, so I turned and looked at him. He looked to have the same clothes he had on yesterday. He still wore that tired beard and looked just as haggard as the first day I came.
When the coffee was ready, I placed a cup in front of him. “Are you just getting in?” I asked him but again, he didn’t reply.
I watched for a minute, but he just sat there staring out into nothing. I moved about in the kitchen and made breakfast: eggs, bacon, and toast. I sat a plate in front of him and put my hand on his shoulder. “Eat, Lock.”
Finally, he looked up at me, startled as if he didn’t even know I was here. “What?” he mumbled.
I leaned down a little. “I said eat. I’ll warm up your coffee.” He looked down at the plate of food and ate silently. I warmed up his coffee, sat down next to him and ate as well. When he was done, he just looked over at me. “I think you’re making a grave mistake being with her.”
And there he is, finally.
I shook my head. “Why is that?”
“Come on, Brad. She’s bad news.”
I sipped my coffee. “Not to me she isn’t. She’s a breath of fresh air. She’s awakening me in some way.”
“Yeah, okay, so now what? You can go back to Houston and settle things with Nora now that you’ve been awakened?”
I stood, gathered his plate and mine and went to the kitchen. I was tired of this shit. It didn’t matter how many times I’ve told him that Nora and I were done, he consistently brings her up.
“Come on, Brad, what’s your plan?”
I swiveled around to find him standing in front of me.
“Do you really want to know what’s up with me and Nora?”
He folded his arms in front of him. “Yeah, please enlighten me as to why you’re choosing Ayana over Nora.”
“That’s the reason right there; Nora isn’t Ayana. That’s the problem. I want her to be, deep down that’s who I want. I was trying to use Nora to fill in that gap. Ayana is my MJ, Lock. She’s everything MJ was to you—you know this.”
Lock shook his head and stepped back from me. “You don’t know what you’re saying. MJ was sweet, beautiful and loving. Ayana is none of those things. She is selfish and conniving. No, bro, what you’re feeling is pure lust. You think these walls keep what you two do a secret? Hell, the whole fucking block can hear you two. You have my neighbors looking at me crazy.” When I laughed, he barked, “No, don’t laugh. That shit isn’t funny.”
I couldn’t help but laugh even harder. “Lock, man, you have no idea who Ayana is. You are wrapped up in her brother and the fierce love she has for him that you don’t know what type of woman she truly is. And hell that’s okay; as long as I know who she is to me, I’m good.” I moved closer to him. “Remember the day after you buried MJ? We were sitting out on the patio and you said to me ‘I feel like I can’t breathe. Every moment without her feels like I’m suffocating, like someone is constantly sitting on my chest, and I can’t grab enough air into my lungs.’ Do you remember telling me that?” Lock tried to look away from me, but I followed his eyes. “Yeah, well that’s how I feel about Ayana. I can’t breathe unless she’s close to me. I never realized how much I was struggling until I laid my eyes on her in Ice’s for the first time in five years. Listen, you don’t have to get what she does for me. I’m not saying she’s perfect. Clearly, she isn’t. I just feel like she’s perfect for me. Understand, Lock, I’m not stupid either. I’m not going into this with blinders on.”
“Yeah, so why are you risking it then? You don’t know what it is she’s into right now. Why do the shit you’re doing, spending all this time with her, embedding yourself in her life like this?”
I put my hand on my brother’s shoulders and smiled wickedly. “Because, bro, the reward is so fucking worth the risk.” I closed my eyes and exhaled vividly, thinking about Ayana and all the things she does to me.
Lock pushed my hand off his shoulder and I laughed. “You’re a fucking pervert, do you know that?”
I walked out of the kitchen. “Yup… I know it. Oh and I left the dishes for you.”
“Let me ask you this before you go and waste your life.”
I stopped and turned to face him, arms folded over my chest.
“Did you ever fully give Nora a chance to be better than Ayana? You said it yourself you wanted her to be for you what Ayana was and she couldn’t do it. Did you ever stop to think that maybe Nora was what you needed and still is? Clearly, Ayana isn’t for you. She’s toxic, Brad. If you think about it, she has only brought you pain. Has Nora been that for you? Why don’t you think about that before you just completely give up on a life that has been good for you?”