"Oh, good, there you are, Rob," I said, walking over to the sofa. "Samantha was looking for you for something." Rob jumped to his feet and began putting his clothes to rights. I helped him by retying his tie as I continued. "I think they want to take some pictures. With the peacocks, if they're still awake." What a stupid thing to say, I told myself, but it was the first thing that came to mind. Actually I hoped they didn't want Rob for anything else tonight; as I drew his arm through mine and began leading him to the door, I realized that he was stumbling and lurching badly. Rob never did have much of a head for drink. I was babbling something inane about peacocks and wondering how on earth I was going to get him downstairs, when I ran into Michael at the landing.
"Help me with Rob," I hissed, glancing back at the door of the study. Sure enough, the vamp was standing in the door, looking daggers at me and trying to stuff herself back into the bodice of the dress. Michael took in the situation and immediately propped up Rob from the other side.
"We need to get him downstairs and back home," I said.
"Maybe you'd better zip his fly up before we take him back out in public. I'll hold him steady while you do." I did, made a few more futile efforts to make him look presentable, and then we more or less carried him down the stairs. Fortunately there were only a few people to stare as we lugged him out the front door.
Our luck held at first; the fresh air seemed to revive Rob a little, so he wasn't a dead weight on the walk home. But getting up the porch steps took a lot out of him, and he passed out in the front hall.
"Allow me," Michael said, and he heaved Rob up in a fireman's carry and hauled him up to his room, with me running ahead to show the way. Michael deposited his burden on the bed. After I pulled off Rob's shoes and loosened his tie, I decided to call it quits.
"Thanks," I told Michael. "Once again, I don't know what we'd have done without you. You seem to be making a career out of hauling incapacitated Langslows home."
"You're welcome. I only wish we could get some aspirin in him. I learned in my misspent youth that a couple of aspirin the night before does more than a dozen the morning after. But I don't think he'd thank us for waking him up to feed them to him."
"He should thank us for getting him out of there. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't happened to come along."
"I didn't just happen to come along. I saw you go upstairs, and I remembered that you'd seemed to be trying to lose that Doug character, and I thought I'd tag along in case he followed you."
"And what if I'd been heading for a rendezvous with him?" I teased.
"I would have been frightfully embarrassed. But somehow I can't see you slipping upstairs for a rendezvous with Dougie."
"No, actually he was waiting for me in the gazebo."
I'd never actually seen anyone do a double take in real life.
"He was what?"
"Waiting for me in the gazebo."
"You agreed to meet him in the gazebo?"
"No, but about the seventeenth time he asked me if we could go somewhere more private, I told him to be in the gazebo in fifteen minutes. If he chose to believe I was planning on showing up there, that's his problem."
"Why not just tell him to get lost?" Michael asked.
"I did. Several dozen times. The man just won't take drop dead for an answer."
"I'm relieved," Michael said. "I didn't think he was your type. In fact, I was wondering--"
Just then Rob stirred, rolled over on his back, smiled seraphically, and spoke.
"Kill the lawyers," he said. "Kill all the lawyers." Then he began snoring loudly. Michael and I tiptoed out of the room.
"Did he say what I thought he said?" Michael asked.
"Yes. Kill All the Lawyers," I said. "It's a role-playing game. Also known as Lawyers from Hell."
"I've never heard of it."
"That's because Rob and a friend have been inventing it this summer."
"That's great!"
"While they should have been studying for the bar exam."
"Oh," Michael said. "How do you think Samantha will like that?"
"Not at all, but then after tonight, it may be irrelevant. If anyone tells her what Rob's been up to."
"True. Let me know as soon as you know what happens. Not that I'm trying to be nosy--"
"But if Samantha cancels another wedding you'd like to know immediately. Before the Brewsters stick your mom with another set of unused dresses. I understand."
He chuckled and went off. I went to bed wondering how Samantha would react if she found out about Rob. And how he would feel about it. If she threw his behavior in his face, should I bring up her clandestine expedition of the other night?