He swallowed the remainder of the whiskey in his glass, along with the lump in his throat, as he tried to hold back hot tears that stung at his eyes. There was no woman in the world like her, and he had known many women, but there was none like Naomi, and there never would be in his life again.
Susan prattled on, and Jonathon poured himself another drink and walked over to the sofa where he and Naomi had first made love, and where they had touched each other so many times after that first explosion of passion. He closed his eyes and saw her in his mind. Her body was connected to his as he filled her deeply, his hands on her hips as she rode him ardently, her breasts as they swayed and moved with her rhythm – the long locks of her black curls hung to her nipples, and her sweet beautiful face as she orgasmed. Her moans were soft and breathless when she came. He grew hard thinking about it.
In his mind he reached for her, pulling her to him and kissing her full soft lips, tasting her as he flooded her with his own orgasm, and he moaned quietly, wishing with everything in him that he had never let her go.
* * *
" … so I told them that of course that would be fine and they could come over after we get back from the honeymoon. Oh! Jonathon, we really have to talk about the honeymoon. I know we said the Caribbean, but I think I want to add some stops in Europe onto that, you know, sort of make it a really long extended trip. I want to go to Ireland first, and then we can just stop wherever we want to along the way.
"I can't wait for the honeymoon! I am going to make love with you in so many places! You'll love it, you'll see. I know you've been kind of out of sorts lately, but you'll see what a great time we will have. It'll be the best thing you've ever done. I promise. You'll fall in love with me on our honeymoon, and we will be so happy!" she went on and he snapped his eyes open and stared at his desk.
The honeymoon. He hadn't even thought about it. She'd been talking about the wedding so much that he just tuned her out every time she brought it up. He had never once let his thoughts go to the honeymoon, but as she said it, as she spoke the words and talked about her plans for traveling over the globe, he realized that there was going to be a serious problem.
The last thing in the world that he wanted or was willing to do was to go on an extended trip with her anywhere, least of all so far from home, and have her constantly pulling at him and trying to kiss him and seduce him. He knew without a shred of doubt that there was no way he would ever be able to spend time with her like that and not be able to escape her. He launched himself off of the sofa and headed straight for his desk.
"Susan-" he had to interrupt her to get her to stop talking. It didn't work the first time. He leaned closer to the phone. "SUSAN!" he snapped sharply.
There was suddenly silence on the line. It was the first time she had stopped talking since he had lifted the receiver off the cradle.
"Yes?" she asked curiously.
"We are not going on a honeymoon. I have too much going on here at the office to handle and I can't take time like that off work to go traipsing around the globe. If you want to take a trip, I welcome you to do it. Take off, go anywhere you want to and I will gladly pay for it, it will be my gift to you, but I have to stay here and handle things at the office." He told her firmly. He was not going to budge on it.
She gasped in horror. "What? No! Jonathon! I want a honeymoon, and you are going to give me one! I want a proper one! I want us to consummate our marriage in our bed in every destination we go to! How can you even think of such a ridiculous notion; not going on a honeymoon. Why that's the stupidest thing I ever heard! No. We are going on a honeymoon. There is nothing to discuss about that except talking about where I want to go. I can't believe you even brought it up!" she sounded furious with him, and somehow simultaneously hurt.
He looked down at the phone and narrowed his eyes. "Susan, I'm going to say this one more time, and then I am not going to discuss it with you again. I am not going on a honeymoon with you. Do not think that marriage gives you the right to tell me what to do. There is not going to be a honeymoon for me. I am staying here, and I am working, and that will be the end of that. You are welcome to go on a honeymoon by yourself. You are welcome to go wherever you want to go for as long as you want to go, but I am not going to be with you for any part of it. Furthermore, when you do move into the house after the wedding, you will be staying in your own room and I will be staying in my own room.
"I do not wish to consummate this marriage with you at any time, ever. It's not going to happen, so stop asking about it, stop talking about it, and just let it go. I want you less now than I ever did, if that's even possible. We are not going to be intimate at any time in the future."
There was silence again on the other line for a long moment and he heard her sniffle and gasp, and he knew that she was crying. "Jonathon, surely you can't mean that!" she asked in horror. "Of course we'll be intimate! We're getting married! I'll be your wife!"
"You will be my wife on paper, because I am being forced into this marriage, and you know damn well that I am not marrying you for love, but because our fathers demanded it. I am not in love with you and I don't want to marry you. I am not going to be your husband except on paper, and that's it. If we both work at it, perhaps we can be friends, but don't expect any more than that. Ever." He snapped at her coldly. He hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but there was something in her voice and in her words that told him that she was sure she could change his mind about how he felt about her, and that somehow, in her mind, their future was a real marriage of lovers and friends. He knew he would have to be harsh with her to get her to see reality.
She was silent again for a long moment and then she spoke solemnly. "I don't care, as long as you are mine. As long as you marry me. We can figure all of it out, but I have to have you." She stated flatly. "I love you, I want you, and I can make you fall in love with me."
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You haven't been able to make me fall in love with you our whole lives. I don't know why you think you can now. If you had any dignity at all, you would bow out of this marriage and find someone who actually wants you, because it isn't me."
Susan sounded as if she was filled with confidence. "It will happen. You'll see. You'll fall in love with me someday, and then we will be lovers, and we will be happily married. It will happen."
"I have to go, Susan, please don't call me back the rest of the week." He said shortly, and then he placed the receiver back on the phone and walked to the window, wondering how he had let his life get so far out of his control.
Naomi had settled into her new job comfortably, and she discovered that it was an excellent way to distract herself from thinking about Jonathon. Justin was kind and helpful, and he gave her all of the space that she needed to do her work without too much intervention on his part, which she greatly appreciated.
One of the biggest reliefs she found was that Justin was gay, and in him she found a new friend and confidant, though she said nothing about Jonathon whatsoever. She had forbidden herself from thinking about him or speaking his name. She had begun the difficult and lengthy process of falling out of love with him, or at least trying to make herself let go of him.
Every time he came to her mind in any way, she pushed him out and made herself think of something else or someone else. She was trying to focus on all the good in her life, and letting him have any time at all in her mind was of no help to her whatsoever, so keeping him from her mind during the waking hours of the day was an enormous struggle for her, but she was doing it, one step at a time.
It was the dark hours of the night when she was alone in her bed that gave her the most heartache. She could not keep him out of her dreams, out of her heart, and it was torture for her. She woke every morning tired and sad. Andrea suggested that she take up yoga or meditation right before bed so that she could sleep more peacefully, and she tried it. She tried everything she could think of to get him out of her mind and heart, but it was a losing battle. He was so deeply lodged in her heart that she realized it was going to take eternity to get him out.
The small moments of peace and happiness that she found at Jupiter began to build; from her first day when there were flowers and balloons waiting for her at her desk to welcome her, and it was her one happiness that day, to the more frequent laughs and smiles she shared with her co-workers, and the pride she was able to have in herself for the work she was doing and each little success that came to her.