He felt more alive than he ever had, he felt like the flames of life had finally touched him and awoken him, and he felt a desire for her that he had not known could exist. He also knew that she did not want him the way that he wanted her, and that she never would. He knew that he had to respect her and he had to respect their friendship and their working relationship, and let his desires stay hidden deep within him. He knew if he was going to do anything to fix what he had done to them, he had to do it right away, and it had to be genuine.
Naomi couldn't believe she was hearing him apologize. She felt certain that he had probably not apologized to any of the women who had worked for him, that he'd been with, and the significance of his effort and the vulnerability in which he placed himself before her was not lost on her. She didn't know quite what to say.
Her thoughts turned in her mind like a leaf flipping and skittering along the ground and through the air. He was apologizing for kissing her. She knew then that there was nothing in him that wanted her. There was no romantic interest in him whatsoever for her, and she realized that all of her suppositions about him and his intentions with her had been wrong.
He had been trying to be her employer and her friend, and she had been misreading everything that had passed between them. Every moment, every touch, every lingering glance; all of it had only been felt by her. She felt a surge of shame flush through her. She knew that she had been a fool all over again, thinking over the prior two days that he had any interest in her whatsoever and that he had kissed her because he had been attracted to her. He wanted her for something more than what she really was to him, and that was an employee and a friend.
She crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her eyes to meet his. She nodded slightly and hugged herself. "Thank you for the apology and the explanation."
He stomach tightened as he watched her and he had to stop himself from reaching out to hug her. He felt sure that she must have regretted their embrace and kiss. She hadn't said anything to the contrary, but instead had thanked him for apologizing for doing it. He knew then that he never should have done it, no matter how much he had wanted to.
"Will you be coming back to work tomorrow?" he asked hesitantly, hoping with everything in him that she would; both so that he could see her and be around her, and to assuage his guilt over kissing her. He felt that if she returned, they could begin to repair what he had broken and move forward, and he wanted that with her desperately.
She tried to still all of the emotion churning in her, and focus on what Andrea had told her. She pushed herself hard and concentrated on the one thing that should matter more than any of the other thoughts going through her mind; work. She was trying to re-center herself on her goals and dreams and to let go of her feelings for him. The thing she could allow in her heart was turmoil. She drew breath into her body as far as she could, feeling it still her somewhat, and she nodded at him.
"I'll be there tomorrow." She made herself look up at him when she spoke, though she felt as if there was no part of her body that was not tensed with anxiety.
He was quiet a moment and then gave her a small smile. "Well, great! It will be good to have you back." He wanted to say more. He wanted to say so much more to her, but she looked defensive, and she looked withdrawn, and he didn't want to try to push her too far.
Getting her back into the office and around him was the first step. Fixing what he had broken between them by kissing her was the second step. Then he would rebuild their friendship and do his best to keep it strong.
"I guess I should let you get some rest so you'll be ready for tomorrow then," he said quietly as the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. "I am really glad that you'll be back." He told her, and then he turned and walked from the kitchen, heading to the front door.
She watched him leaving and felt like part of her was going with him. "Thank you for being so thoughtful and for bringing all of this over for me. You didn't have to do that." She smiled back a little. His thoughtfulness had touched her.
He nodded at her as he opened the door. "I did have to do that. I wanted to take care of the lady who takes such good care of me." He answered her, and then closed the door behind him and she was left with a change of heart.
His action had been one of thoughtfulness and kindness, and she was able to see it that way, and to use it as a means to move further toward being his friend, rather than thinking of him with the love in her heart that she felt. She didn't know how she would let go of her romantic emotion for him, but looking at him as a friend, and letting herself feel that for him because of the way he was with her was a good start.
She slept a bit better that night than she had since he had kissed her; her mind and heart somewhat more at ease. She dreamed of him, and in her dreams he was close to her, so close that he came to her and held her, kissing her again. When she woke she realized that it was nothing but a dream, though it had felt much more real to her than that.
Naomi readied herself for work, slipping into a soft white dress that was loose but still hinted at her curves. She wanted to appear professional while still being feminine. Matched with heels and pearls, she felt confident and ready to go back to the office. . She tied her hair at the back of her neck and headed out of the apartment to try to get her life back in order again.
When she arrived at the work, she was early and as she poured herself a cup of coffee, she decided to pour one for Jonathon as well, and she left it on his desk with no note. It was an effort, though a small one, at reestablishing their friendship. She wanted more than anything to move forward into that friendship with him, and to fall out of love with him as swiftly as she could, to eliminate the aching need and painful desires in her heart.
She was seated at her desk when he came in, and shortly after he went into his office, she received an email from him, thanking him for the coffee. An hour after that, she was greeted by a delivery man who brought her a bouquet of pretty flowers. It wasn't a large bouquet, but midsized, and all of the flowers were bright and pretty.
There was a note amongst them that read, "Glad to have you back in the office" and that was it. She told herself that the gesture was one of a friend, and was precisely what she needed to be to him. She sent him an email thanking him for the bouquet.
They were careful around each other all day; both of them being more polite than usual, both of them keeping a slight distance from one another and both of them only talking about business. By the time she went home that afternoon, Naomi felt as though it might not be an impossible task to work hard at the friendship and still manage to fall out of love with Jonathon at the same time.
The second day she was back, they were still careful, but he watched her closely, and she felt his eyes on her. When she felt them, she would turn and look over her shoulder and their gazes would meet. He did not turn away from her or look at anywhere else, he kept his green eyes connected to her light blue ones, and it would make her breath catch in her chest.
She promised herself that she would not feel the connection, but there was no real way for her to stop it: it was there, and it was strong. But she was stronger than their chemistry, and she would break its hold on her.
He came to her desk to go over files on the computer, and as he stood behind her and leaned over her, reaching to the monitor to discuss different pages, he would lean too close, and she could breathe in his cologne and the scent of his skin. She could feel his strong arm so near her as he reached over her shoulder. All she wanted to do was to turn towards him, put her lips on his neck and cheek, and feel his arms around her. But she steeled herself and made herself focus on the computer. She did not breathe deeply until he left her, and when he did finally leave her, she had to take a break and go outside to get some fresh air and steady herself from the embers that were burning white hot in her.
By the time she went home that day, she was mentally exhausted, and she rested deeply, but not well, for he was still in her dreams, still reaching for her and kissing her. It seemed that the more dreams she had, the closer he got to her. It made her struggle to focus on their friendship so much more difficult, but she was determined to do it, and failure at succeeding in it was not an option for her.
She continued to try to keep her distance from him at work, while busying herself with all of her projects and tasks. Part of the time it worked for her, and she was able to distract herself enough that he wasn't on her mind as much. The remainder of the time, he was either in the forefront of her thoughts and she could not get him from her mind, or he was in her presence, and it was all she could do to focus on anything but him. Anything but the proximity of him, or the way he watched her, the way he listened to her, the way he smelled or looked, or the way that he made her feel when he stood near her.