Naomi stayed home from work the next day, calling Helen Klein to say that she wasn't feeling well. She called in a second day and repeated her reason for staying home. She had not slept peaceably the first night that she went home after Jonathon kissed her. She couldn't understand why he had kissed her, but the memory of it haunted her, the flames of desire and need had burned through her body instantly when his lips moved over hers, and she had lost something more of herself to him in that moment.
The only reason that she could possibly conceive of that he might kiss her was that he had finally decided that he wanted her the way he had wanted all of his other women; all the other assistants and secretaries that had worked for him. She thought when she first started working for him that he might come on to her, but then as their relationship changed, she felt as though she had earned his respect and his trust, and even his friendship.
His action in the elevator that day when he had taken her into his arms and kissed her so passionately, told her that he had not in fact come to respect her or the friendship that they shared. It seemed to her, in her afterthoughts, that he had only waited and bided his time until she was comfortable with him, and then he came on to her in her weakest moment, overpowering her will and her strength when she could not have fought him back or turned him down.
She wondered if he knew how she felt about him. She wondered if she was as transparent to him as she felt she was to herself. Naomi thought that perhaps he had been around so many women that he had seen right through her the entire time and she wondered if it had all been a game to him; if he had only gone along with their so-called friendship for sport, just to play with her mind and make her fall in love with him to appease his ego.
Naomi told herself that he wasn't that cruel or selfish, but the doubt in her mind lingered and deep down she wasn't completely certain that he wasn't that selfish or cruel. He had been with so many women who worked for him that she thought perhaps he had needed to change his game up a little bit just to make it more interesting to himself.
She thought that perhaps that might be why he had been so "cat and mouse" with her, and there she had been the whole time, thinking that she was making headway in a friendship with him, thinking that she was earning his respect and that he thought of her as at least an equal person to himself, even though she was his employee.
Then he waited until she had been tortured with the sight of him with his serious relationship, Susan, and the realization that she was nothing to him. He had perhaps waited until she was broken and miserable and her only option was to pull away from him. Then he could conquer her and take what he wanted because she would not have the strength or willpower to fight him any longer, and she would succumb and give in to him.
All of those scenarios and thoughts plagued her mind over and over again, from the first night after he kissed her, into the next day when she did not go to work, and on into that night, and the following day.
She tried to sleep, but her thoughts and her broken heart would not let her. Her imagination took her mind to places that her heart could not stand to go, and the longer she was alone, the more heartache she dragged herself through until she could not take it any longer, and she felt that her only option was to call a friend.
She called Andrea, and begged her to come over to talk it through with her. She was desperate to get out of her own mind and to try to see it from someone else's point of view.
Andrea came over that morning, and as soon as Naomi opened the door, Andrea's arms were around her in a hug, holding her tight and consoling her.
"Now, I know you aren't sick. Do you want to tell me what you're doing home two days in a row? What's going on with you?" she asked worriedly as she took Naomi's face into her hands and held it there carefully, looking into her eyes as if she might find the answer there.
Naomi's eyes flooded with tears and Andrea nodded. "I knew it! I knew there was something else going on. You haven't been sick since I met you in college. Now, you just come right in here with me," Andrea said, taking Naomi by the hand and leading her back into the living room, "and tell me what's going on. Here, sit on the sofa. Here's a blanket." she said, nestling Naomi in as if they were sitting in Andrea's house instead of Naomi's apartment.
"Now, you tell me what's going on. What's causing you so much pain that you're here instead of at work?" Andrea's eyes continued to search Naomi's and she took her friend's hand into hers and held it.
Naomi bit her lower lip, and Harold hopped up onto the couch and padded over them both to curl up in Naomi's lap. He had snuggled her through all of her crying and sadness for two days, and he was ready for more comfort duty.
Naomi covered her mouth with her hand and looked at Andrea. "I screwed up." She said quietly in a choked voice.
Andrea's brows furrowed. "What do you mean you screwed up?" She asked in confusion. "You never screw up. What did you do?"
"Oh, I don't screw up very often, but I think I saved it all up for this one big screw up and did them all at once." She said with a sigh as she closed her eyes and willed her tears not to fall again.
Andrea rubbed her hand over Naomi's. "Well, what did you do?"
Naomi sighed and shook her head slowly. "I fell in love."
Andrea's hand stopped moving over Naomi's and she blinked in surprise. Then a smile began to curl at the corners of her mouth and she turned her head slightly. "You fell in love? Well honey that's no screw up, that's wonderful! Who's the lucky guy?"
She pursed her lips together and shook her head again. "It's not good, and he's not lucky, and neither am I," she said sadly. "I fell in love with Jonathon Cross!"
Andrea's mouth fell full open. She stared at Naomi for a long minute before she closed her mouth once more and leaned forward, staring, almost unblinking. "You … . You fell in love with Jonathon Cross? With your boss? The Jonathon Cross?" She turned her head back and forth and hummed low.
"Mm hmm honey, you did screw up. How in the world did that happen? I thought you didn't like him. I thought you couldn't stand him! We talked about how much you didn't like him! We sat right here on this sofa and you told me all kinds of things I didn't know and wouldn't like, and even all of that was on top of a reputation that I already knew all about!" Andrea was astounded and it showed in her wide eyes.
Naomi shrugged. "That was him … and I didn't like him. I couldn't stand him. Apparently he must have viewed that as a challenge. I got to know him and he never made a move on me; he never tried anything with me. We got to be sort of friends, and then I started to like him. Just as a person," she explained sadly, "you know, I thought I was seeing the real him. I thought I was seeing someone worth knowing. He had me fooled. I thought he was so different than all of the rumors and everything everyone says about him, including me."
Andrea watched her and sighed as she listened, handing a tissue to Naomi as she saw Naomi begin to tear up again.
"Then our friendship kind of … grew … into something more, and I realized that I had fallen in love with him." She let her head fall back miserably.
Andrea frowned. "Wait a minute, what do you mean your friendship grew into something more. Is he in love with you, too?" she looked stunned.
Naomi laughed out loud and two tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "In love with me? God no. Nothing like that at all. I fell in love with him, and I don't think he knows it. At least, I hope he doesn't know it. It would be horrible if he did. No, he doesn't fall in love. He likes to get around with too many women too often."
Andrea tipped her head and gave Naomi a curious look. "Have you seen him with a bunch of other women? You said you saw the real him. Is the real him like all of the rumors?"
Naomi shook her head. "No, the real him, or at least the part of him that he let me see, is nothing at all like the rumors, and I didn't actually see him go after any women, now that I think of it. I have seen women flock to him, but mostly just in the office and when we are out for public functions, but he never takes them up on anything; he just kind of flirts back and then leaves. He's totally noncommittal."
Andrea raised her brows in surprise. "Huh, well, there you go. I never would have thought that. I thought he had a different secretary on his couch every day."
"No, I've never actually seen a woman in his office with him with the door shut, come to think of it." Naomi frowned slightly and thought about it. The realization came as a surprise to her.