Logan squeezes me as tight as his diminished strength allows and returns my kiss. “I promise you, my Rose, I won’t stop fighting. If there is any chance of me beating this thing, I’m going to fucking do it. For myself, but most of all, for you.”
The tears can’t be denied, they flow down my face in a torrent and I collapse against Logan, sobbing. Fuck this. Fuck life. Fuck everything.
“I need you to be strong for me, Rose,” Logan urges me, kissing my hair and rocking me gently. “Everything’s going to be okay, and even if it’s not, I’ll always be here for you.” I cry harder, big hiccuping sobs, until I’m gasping for breath. Logan continues to rock me, comforting me, holding me, loving me, until I’m all cried out.
“I’m so sorry,” I lament when it’s over, sniffling and wiping at my nose. I feel slightly embarrassed. Breaking down like that isn’t going to make anything better. But I needed to get that out since I’ve been holding the pain inside for days now. “You’re right. I need to be strong.”
He rests his forehead against mine and says, “You are strong, my Rose.” He kisses me sweetly and I mold my body to his. He takes my hand in his and raises it above my head, all the while kissing me. But it’s awkward, it feels weird and I don’t know what he’s doing. I break the kiss and look up as he’s slipping a golden engagement ring sparkling against the light onto my ring finger.
My heart stops in my chest and my mouth falls open. He releases my hand and pulls back slightly. A ring. I stare at my hand in disbelief.
“Oh my God,” I gasp, clutching my hand to my chest as my heart skips a beat. Ordinarily, something like this would have sent me through the roof, but I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach.
The tears are back, and I fucking hate it. I’m two seconds away from being a blubbering mess again and it’s for all the wrong reasons.
“Marry me, Rose,” Logan implores, his heart in his eyes. It tears at me. He can see my pain, and I can see his. “Marry me tonight.” He pauses and says, “Or tomorrow at the latest.”
I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. This should be the happiest moment of my life. I should be jumping up and down with joy, yet all I can feel is a heavy, crushing pain that refuses to get the fuck off my chest.
The heavy feeling is compounded by the knowledge of why Logan wants me to marry him tonight.
Because he knows he might not be here tomorrow.
The thought is nearly enough to bring me to my knees and I sway like a leaf in the wind. Logan catches me before I can fall, and I hate myself for it. Here I am falling to pieces, when I should be strong for him. For us both. Logan continues the assault on my heart, though I know he doesn’t mean to. “If something happens to me, I want you to have everything. The business, all my assets. Everything.”
I shake my head, feeling like I’m being suffocated. “No, Logan. I refuse to accept it, and I don’t- I can’t marry you for that… That’s not-” I shake my head, unable to accept this and unable to talk and my heart tries to leap up my throat. I can’t take the thought of him dying. I can’t bear it.
Logan continues to hold me tight and it breaks my heart because I know he’s using what little strength he has to hold onto me. “I want you to marry me because I fucking love you.”
The pain is surreal. I’m so choked up that it’s hard to breathe, much less get out words. “Logan…” I croak.
Logan pulls me in tighter, kissing the tears staining my face. “Just tell me yes, Rose. I need this. Don’t deny me, my Rose.” He squeezes me weakly.
My words are choked and reflect the pain I’m in as I stare into his loving gaze. “Only if you promise to never leave me,” I whisper, barely hanging on by a thread. I know it’s a promise that Logan has no way of knowing he can keep, but I want it anyway.
Logan hesitates and it sends a sharp pain into my heart. In this moment, a promise is a hollow thing. We both know it. But I need to hear it. I need something to hold on to. “I’ll do my best,” Logan finally replies, and it doesn’t make me feel any better. “I’ll stick around forever... or for as long as I'm able to fight.”
I can’t take anymore.
Feeling like my heart is going to explode, I collapse against him and sob into his chest until I’m all spent.
Over and over I tell him, “I love you, Logan.” I plead with him, “Don’t leave me.”
“I love you, my Rose,” he says softly and with a sincerity I can’t deny.
Chapter 34