Mr. Big(54)

Liam was completely sympathetic. “Oh honey… oh god. I’m so sorry! I wish I was there to hug you so tight right now. I hate that you are hurting this much and that you are alone. You should not be alone. Not right now!”

She sniffed and sighed. “It’s okay, Liam. It’s good for me. I just… I guess I thought that coming to Italy would make it easier to forget him, and that if I was this far enough away, he wouldn’t constantly be on my mind, but it didn’t work. I got to Rome and it seemed like he was in my thoughts and dreams just as much as he was in New York, if not more, and I tried to be present in Rome… you know, really soak it in and enjoy it and forget all about him, and I was happy for the first day, but that didn’t last at all. I couldn’t get away from him. I saw couples everywhere and I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and so I left. I left Rome and I took this crazy trip to Positano, and so now I’m sitting on this beach by myself trying to make myself forget about him.”

There was a pause at the other end of the line. “Where are you?” he asked quizzically.

She took a breath and tried to still the riot of emotions in her. “I’m in Positano. It’s on the Amalfi Coast. It’s a seaside village.”

“Oh! Wow… well, I guess if that doesn’t help you relax a little, then probably not much else will.” He was quiet a moment and then asked her softly, “Mia, did you ever tell him that you love him? Did you tell him at all how you feel about him?”

She shook her head, even though she knew that he couldn’t see her. “No, god of course not. I never said a word to him about it. Why would I do that?”

Liam gave a little thoughtful hum. “Well my dear, I was just thinking of what happened at Hastings when you were out to dinner with Logan. When you said you saw Alexander and he kissed you. I know him a little bit, just from working with him, and I kind of feel like if he kissed you there at that restaurant, especially if he was out on a date with another woman, he might feel more strongly about you than he told you, just like you are holding back your feelings for him. He’s not one to cheat, not even a little bit like a quick kiss by a bathroom door. He’s not like that, and you know it.”

She sighed and considered what he was saying. She knew that Liam was right. Alexander wasn’t the type to cheat, and he would never intentionally wrong someone or hurt them, like leaving a woman he was dating at the dinner table in a restaurant while he kissed another woman by the bathroom. She frowned as she realized that there might be more going on than just Alexander exacting some revenge on her.

“What are you getting at, Liam?” she asked in confusion.

He sighed. “I’m saying that maybe you should tell him how you feel, because maybe he feels more for you than he has yet been willing to admit and maybe the two of you can find some kind of common ground where it would work out for you two to be together. I think you owe it to him and you owe it to yourself to try to figure that out.”

She felt her heart nearly stop in her chest. “What? You must be kidding. I’m not going to call him up and tell him that I fell in love with him. I just barely admitted it to myself, and even so; he’s the last person I want to say that to. He hates me. He hates what I did to him. He doesn’t want me speaking to him and he doesn’t want to see me. He never wants anything to do with me again and after what I did to him and put him through, I can’t blame him at all. Why on earth would I call him and bother him and tell him that I fell in love with him? That’s the worst idea I ever heard!” she exclaimed indignantly.

Liam let her say all of her piece and then he spoke softly to her. “You should tell him because I think he feels more for you than just all of that anger and resentment. I think that anger is because he feels strongly about you too, beneath it all. No one gets that angry when there isn’t underlying emotion. I think you owe it to the both of you to tell him how you really feel and see if there is anything that can be fixed and shared together. If you are in love isn’t it worth whatever risk or sacrifice you might have to make to see if it’s the real thing? Isn’t love worth that?” he asked pointedly.

She sighed and closed her eyes thinking about it. Was love worth risking her heart and her dignity for? Was it worth going out on a limb and telling him just how she felt, so that he would know everything and then he could make the best decision for himself? Wouldn’t it be worth trying to at least say it so that he knew?

“I don’t know, Liam…” she said in a near whisper.