She nodded and tried to give him a small smile. “I know you’re right. I will.”
He smiled back for her. “Good. That’s the perfect remedy for this. Someone who can cheer you up. Get back out there honey, and do it soon.” He looked at her pointedly and she nodded.
“I will,” she promised.
Their brunch cheered her some, and by the time she got back to her apartment, she did feel a little better. She tried to distract herself as much as she could through the remainder of the day, barely keeping him on the edge of her thoughts, but as the sky darkened around the city, she wasn’t able to focus on anything but him. She told herself over and over that she shouldn’t call him, that she shouldn’t even be thinking about him, but there was so much that she wanted to say to him, so many things that she wanted to tell him about how sorry she was and how she regretted what she had done.
Somewhere in her she felt as if she had come to a fork in her own road and she couldn’t go any further until the tangle of the mess she had made with him was resolved one way or another, and she didn’t feel that it could be resolved until he let her explain what had happened. She told herself that it didn’t even matter what happened after her explanation; whether he ever spoke to her again or not, just so long as he really knew the truth about how things had changed after she had gotten to know him. She believed that as long as he knew that, she would feel some kind of peace, and she could move on without him and not be so caught up in him as she was. She was desperate to move ahead, to try to fix what she had done, and as she sat in the cushioned softness of her bed, she closed her eyes and held her phone in her hand, praying that she would be able to find the right words to say, whatever they might be, to make him call her back and listen to her; even if it was just over the phone.
Mia dialed his number and her heart raced in her chest as the line began to ring. She didn’t breathe as it continued to ring, unanswered. Her mind was racing with scenarios and questions. What if he answered? What if he was cold and mean? What if he didn’t answer? Should she leave him a voicemail? What would she say? The line continued to ring. She wondered if his ringer was on or if he was ignoring her. He had told her he never wanted to talk with her again. She was sure he meant it, but she just had to explain everything. Her call went to his voicemail.
His deep voice sounded in her ear. It was friendly and professional, and she bit her lip as tears stung the back of her eyes at hearing the familiar sweetness of it. The beep sounded. She took a deep breath and began to speak.
“Alexander, it’s Mia. Please listen to this whole message. I just needed to call you to talk with you. I know what happened is horrible, and I am so sorry about it all, but I need to tell you… to explain to you what really happened. There’s more to it than you know, and it did start out like you heard, and that was a terrible thing for me to do, but it changed as I got to know you. I changed… And I’m different now, and I need you to know that what happened between us—” there was a beep and the voicemail ended. She closed her eyes in frustration and hung up.
She had left him something at least. It was nowhere near what she wanted it to be; she hadn’t explained anything at all to him really, but she also had done much more than she had since the day he walked out of her office; she had tried. She had reached out to him, and in the deepest darkest part of her heart; the part where she hurt the most about what she had done and what he had said, she began to feel a little lighter. She was changing, and she was making an effort, and though it was a little change, it was something. It was a step in the right direction.
Mia sighed and put her phone on the nightstand beside her bed. Maybe he would listen to it and decide to give her a chance to explain. Maybe he would just listen to it and delete it. Maybe he wouldn’t listen to it at all, but at least it was there and she had made an effort, and he would at least have to acknowledge that. He would know that she was thinking about him, that she was sorry, that it mattered to her what she had done to him; that he mattered to her, and that she was somehow trying to make things right, no matter how it ended up.
Chapter9
Cocktails at Carly’s had three of the four friends talking about their latest romantic escapades as usual, and though Mia was doing her best to keep her head in the conversation, she struggled with thoughts of Alexander, and did her best to keep anyone from seeing it, but her friends all saw through it.
Ava sighed and tipped her head a little. “Still worrying about him? Mia, I met a guy a couple of days ago that you might like. His name is Brian. He’s super hot looking, and a terrible flirt. I think he’d be fun for you to play with for a little while. Would you like his number?” she asked. “He’s really charming.”