Mr. Imperfect(44)

You told Christian about Marion.

Droplets of tea splattered across the white sheet and Kezia stared at  them, unseeing. I told Christian about Marion. Racking her brains to  recall details, she remembered his shock. Remembered telling him to  leave her alone. Remembered … he did.

She heard the door open and Christian stood in front of her as if raised  by her clamorous emotions, his expression holding a challenge that made  her instantly wary. "Still feeling sorry for yourself?"

She didn't like his tone, either. "Don't tell me you've never had a hangover."

"I was talking about that guilt you've been nursing since the accident."

Under the sheet, Kezia brought her knees up to her chest and clasped them. "I'm sorry I unloaded on you-"

"I'm not," he interrupted. "It explains a lot. Why haven't you told her?"

Kezia picked up the edge of the sheet and began fretting with it. "At  first she was too sick, then Sally was always around, then you showed up  and we brought John Jason home." She paused. "Where is he? And your,  uh, friends?"

"John Jason is with Bernice May for the morning. I figured you weren't  up to child care. Luke and Jordan are-" he glanced at his watch  "-halfway home by now. We're setting up a charitable trust. Luke will  run it."

"That's fantastic!" For a moment Kezia forgot her problems. "Tell me which causes you'll support."

He folded his arms. "First, your excuses for not telling Marion."

Kezia squirmed. "They're not excuses. I intend telling her the first chance I get."

"If that's all that's stopping you … " Christian tossed her his mobile. Kezia dropped it as though it was hot.

"Are you crazy? I'm not telling her over the phone."

"Call her now, Kez," he ordered. "You know she'll forgive you." Seeing  the dread she couldn't hide, his expression softened. "Please. Put us  all out of our misery."

Her eyes shied away. "I'll call her when I'm good and ready, and my  misery has nothing to do with yours." Except they both knew that wasn't  true. Her shame erupted into anger. He knew everything now, every sordid  secret she had, and he still kept trying to raise her hopes.

Well, she was sick of it. Sick of never being strong enough to resist  him, sick of waiting for him to abandon her. "You want to be put out of  your misery?" She glared at him. "We have no future. When are you going  to get that through your thick skull?"

Christian threw up his hands in disgust. "You know your problem, lady?  You really believe you can be perfect, if you just try hard enough."

"That's not true, I-"

"That's why you can't forgive yourself for Marion's accident. That's why  you don't call her and confess. Because you don't want to accept that  you're fallible like the rest of us poor sinners. No, you'd rather sit  on your little saint's cloud, wringing your hands, than live a real life  with me!"

"You sanctimonious bastard!" Enraged, Kezia flew out of bed and tried to  shunt him out the door. "Don't you dare preach to me about  self-forgiveness until you've visited your mother's grave!"

She regretted the words instantly, more so when Christian went very  still. "I'm sorry, that was … " she wanted to say "unforgivable," but that  word had become too loaded. "Thoughtless."

His eyes flashed. "You're the second person to accuse me of not dealing with my issues and I've had enough." He turned and left.

Kezia bit her lip to stop herself calling him back. Better to let  tempers cool before she offered another apology. Yeah, for telling the  truth.                       
       
           



       

Slowly her irritation abated. She showered and put on a summer-green  dress she knew Christian liked and stripped the tea-stained sheet off  the bed. His cell phone fell to the floor and she stood in an agony of  indecision. What if he's right? At last, with trembling hands she dialed  the number she knew by heart and asked to be put through to Marion.

"Hello?" A man's voice.

She let out the breath she'd been holding.

"I'm sorry, I've been put through to the wrong room."

"Kezia, it's me, Joe."

"Oh. Joe … hello." There was an awkward silence.

"Thank you for looking after my family," he said simply. "I'm sorry you needed to and I swear you won't need to again."

"Christian told me what he did when you came back. Why didn't you tell Marion?"

"How can I squeal on a man who was trying to look out for my son? Plus I owe you. You still love this guy?"

She closed her eyes. "Yes."

"That's what I figured. Marion's getting physio, so I'll put you on speaker phone."

"No, don't bother, I'll call la-"

"Kezia!" Marion sounded bright and breezy. "How's my boy?"

"He's visiting Bernice May and probably baking inedible cookies. I rang for a private chat but … "

"You want to call back?"

Kezia sat on the bed. Did she? Took a deep breath. "Christian said I shouldn't put this call off any longer."

"Does that mean you've accepted his proposal?"

"No! How'd you know about that? Look, never mind. We won't be getting married."

"You know, if I can forgive him for the stairs, you can forgive him for leaving you."

"I do, I have! It's not Christian I can't forgive, it's me." Hadn't he said that? "I-I have something to tell you."

"You could never have held on to me. Don't you know that?"

Marion knew she let go? "Do you also remember," she said slowly, "that I grabbed you with my good hand?"

"No, but it makes no difference. If you hadn't let go when you  overbalanced, we would both have fallen down those stairs and taken out  John Jason. All three of us would have been injured."

"There's more." Kezia made a full confession before she lost her  courage. "I-I heard you calling me and I ignored you. If I'd answered,  the accident would never have happened."

Marion laughed. "I was such a cling-on after Joe left, wasn't I? It's a wonder you didn't hide more often."

Kezia persisted. "You're my friend. I should have been there for you." Maybe Marion was high on painkillers?

"You know, you forgive other people anything-yourself nothing." Marion  sounded annoyed. "Have you ever thought how condescending it is that my  forgiveness counts for less than yours?"

Kezia froze. "Christian said I have double standards."

"You let us all get away with murder, except for Christian." Marion's  tone grew thoughtful. "I guess it's a measure of how much you love him  that he has to meet your standards."

"And a measure of how much he loves you," Joe added, "that he tries." For a moment there was silence.

"Oh, God." Kezia dropped her head into her hands. "I've been such a fool."

"Welcome to my world," said Joe, and she knew Marion had been right to give her husband a second chance.

"I've got to see a man about a proposal," she blurted. "I'll call you back later." She dropped the phone and ran.

Christian wasn't in the office, the kitchen or the garden. The garage  was open; light filtering between the torn boards. Empty. She forced  back the rising panic. He'd gone for a drive to burn off some anger.  He'd come back. Act normal, she told herself, do some chores.

Instead she found herself wandering out to the front veranda and staring  down the main street, which was bustling with market-goers. What if  she'd pushed him too far this time? Distracted, she only half noticed  Don's jalopy pull into the hotel's car park. What was the last thing  Christian had said? I've had enough. Suddenly the words sounded ominous.

"Hail the victor." Don commanded her attention, dressed impeccably for golf, a Panama hat pulled low on his brow.

Kezia tried to think. "You won the tournament!"

"No, just my match with Bob. The old cheapskate has to buy drinks. Showed up yet?"                       
       
           



       

"Who? Oh, Bob. No, I haven't seen him." Kezia gazed down the road, but there was no sign of Consolation.

Don rubbed his hands together. "Excellent, I'll have time to put a few  on his tab. Damn shame Christian's left. I'd have asked him to join us,  just to rub old Bob's nose in it."

Kezia's attention snapped back. "You've seen Christian?"

"Passed him on the highway north, driving too fast, as usual. Business dragged him back to the city, has it?"

Kezia's heart skipped a beat, then kicked in fast and hard. "He's gone for good." She stumbled, near fainting.

Don grabbed her arm, shepherded her to a seat and fanned her with his Panama. "What's all this about?"