He garnished the fish with some lemon slices and placed the platter in the middle of a picnic table that looked like it should have been center stage in a photo shoot for Pottery Barn.
He indicated for me to help myself.
I served myself a piece of fish and shish kebab. The smell of salmon was unbelievably delicious.
Bruce stared longing at the platter. Havent had much of an appetite lately.
I wanted to dig in, but now it looked like I would be dining alone. Was that wise? How did I know the fish was safe?
I chided myself. I couldnt stand the paranoia any longer. Or the hunger for that matter. Anyway, hadnt I already decided Bruce wouldnt harm me in his own house?
I broke the fish apart with my fork and sampled it. It was moist, hot, and delicious.
Bruce looked at Laurie in her car seat bucket and sighed. Before this is over, I hope I have a couple of those.
Before what is over? I asked.
This life.
You and Helene didnt have any children, is that right?
Bruce nodded. Helene couldnt have kids.
I made no attempt to hide my surprise. Really? I thought Margaret said you didnt want kids. She said Helene was fighting the biological clock.
Now it was Bruces turn to be surprised. His face showed first dismay then something between defeat and sadness. I suppose it shouldnt surprise me. Helene was always one surprise after another. I could probably tell you this. I dont see what difference it makes now that shes gone.
Bruce leaned in toward me and lowered his voice. About a year after we were married, Helene was brutally raped. It was bad, really bad. He shook his head back and forth. We didnt realize at first that it would prevent us from having kids . . . but . . . sometimes things are just out of your control. I understand why Helene never said anything to Margaret. But me not wanting kids? No. No way. Id always joked with my parents that Id have enough to man a basketball team . . .
He looked up and squinted at the sun. We sat in silence for a moment.
Im sorry, I said.
He closed his eyes. Thank you. He opened his eyes and looked at Laurie again. In fact, we were hoping to adopt. Thats why Celias here. She was helping Helene and I coordinate an adoption with a priest in Costa Rica.
Oh?
She knows a priest, Father Pedro at San Rafael Catholic Church, who wanted to help this teenage girl who got . . . well anyway, the baby is due next month. Helene was traveling pretty regularly out there and everything was progressing smoothly, but now . . . He grimaced. Now its hard to imagine being a daddy with no mommy.
Sadness overcame me and my eyes began to well with tears. Before I could speak, my cell phone rang. We both glanced at my ultrafashionable diaper pursean old Jansport travel backpack that was doubling as a diaper bag, purse, and catchall.
Bruce rose. Go ahead and get that if you need to. You want a margarita or a beer or something? I think I need a drink.
I dug into the backpack for the offending noise and shook my head. Bruce disappeared down the steps as I examined the incoming call. I didnt recognize the number but pressed the accept button anyway.
Hello?
Kate? This is Hank . . . um . . . your moms friend?
Hank? This was Moms other boyfriend. What was he doing calling me?
Yeah. Hi, Hank.
Sorry to bother you, Kate. Its just that I was concerned about your mom. I havent heard from her in a couple days and, well, were leaving tonight on our Mexican cruise. I wanted to be sure she had all the information . . . and . . . well, at our age you cant be too careful, right? Just wanted to know that she was okay.
What could I say? Shes wine tasting with another fellow?
Oh, Hank, that is so sweet. Yes, Mom is fine. Just busy. But shes totally fine. Im sure shell be there tonight. Shes really looking forward to the trip. Shall I have her call you?
I dont want to be a bother . . .
Im sure its not a bother . . . let me take down your number.
What did I know? Maybe Mom was giving him the brush-off. Still, I didnt have to be the one to break the bad news, right?
I rummaged frantically through my diaper purse, but couldnt come up with a pen in time. I double-checked the number he gave me against the one my phone had picked up. We said good-bye and hung up. I contemplated dialing Mom right then, but decided against it. Bruce would be back any minute.
I studied Laurie, still snoozing in her bucket. I reached over and felt her tummy extend and deflate. Good.
I finished the salmon and grilled corn on my plate and waited.
What was taking Bruce so long?
Maybe he was checking on Celia.
Bored, I decided to dial Mom.
She picked up on the third ring. Kate? Is everything all right?
I smiled to myself. Now that Mom had a cell phone, she seemed proud to be on call 24/7. Everythings fine, except your boyfriend called me looking for you.