“Oh. My. God. He knows!” she exclaimed, and I gestured for her to calm down before we got kicked out of Bella’s.
“Chill out, Wheorgie,” I demanded and held up my phone for her to read the text conversation. “I handled it.”
Her eyes scanned the messages, and eventually, her shoulders relaxed and she asked, “All right, I am probably going to regret asking this, but what in the hell is a Bambi pose?”
I grinned. “You haven’t seen it yet? It’s the new Instagram craze,” I explained. “And God, I love when Thatch Bambi poses for me. It probably shouldn’t turn me on, but fluffing hello, it does.”
Honestly, it did. Seeing that big, muscular body of his in the Bambi pose was like crack to my pussy. She was addicted and probably needed rehab at this point.
“A bigger craze than duck face?”
“Uh-huh. It’s amazing,” I added and scrolled through a few photos on my phone.
“Here, let me show you one.” Once I found the perfect one, I held the screen for her eyes, and she immediately freaked out and covered the top of my phone with her hand.
“Jesus, Cass! My eyes!”
“What?” I questioned and glanced down at my gorgeous and sexy husband all posed out for me. “My husband is a sexy motherfluffer.”
Her jaw dropped. “You literally just showed me a picture of Thatch’s penis…with Thatch’s penis…God, there was a penis.”
Yeah, so maybe I should’ve chosen a picture where my husband had pants on, but I couldn’t deny that embarrassing Georgia had always been one of my favorite pastimes.
“I love the Supercock.” I grinned and waggled my eyebrows. “And I love that you still say the word penis like a little schoolmarm. God, I bet Big-dick gets so horny over your innocent and shy routine.”
“Shut. Up.”
“Do you even do that when he’s sliding through your back door?”
“Oh. My. God,” she exclaimed, and immediately, Stan perked up outside and started barking through the window.
“Shit,” Georgia muttered while Stan continued to power loud, deep barks from his lungs.
The young store clerk looked at us with annoyance, and my best friend glared at me.
“Thanks a lot,” Georgia said and headed outside. “I didn’t even get to hit the back racks yet.”
I followed her out and watched her untie a barking Stan’s leash from the pole. “You were the one who was yelling, not me.”
She huffed out her frustration in three quick breaths before lowering her voice to a near whisper. “Because you were forcing me to look at Thatch’s penis and talking about anal sex.”
I smirked. “You know, people only get defensive when they’re trying to lie about something, Wheorgie.”
“I’m not talking about this with you,” she muttered and then held out Stan’s leash toward me. “Did you bring some food for him? I’m pretty sure it’s time for him to eat.”
“Uh, no. I’m not toting around dog food in my purse, Wheorgie. Why do you think I gave him beef jerky and half of my chicken salad sandwich earlier?”
“You’re literally the world’s worst dognapper.” She sighed in annoyance and took Stan’s leash from my hand. Once she spotted an empty bench outside of the store, she walked toward it and sat down. “I wonder if there are any pet stores close by,” she muttered, and Stan sat down in front of her, his giant doggy face nudging her thigh and whining his hunger.
“Just breastfeed him,” I teased, and she choked on a laugh.
“You’re fluffing ridiculous. I’m not breastfeeding my dog.”
“What?” I feigned confusion and sat down beside her. “I’m sure you’ve got enough milk in those tits for that big horse.” I smiled, but a lady passing by us with one of the worst looks of disgust I’ve ever witnessed ruined my high.
She scoffed and stared at Georgia and then the dog like an actual gang bang was occurring right before her very eyes.
“What are you looking at?” I questioned, and the lady’s eyes met mine.
“Stop it, Cass,” Georgia muttered, but I ignored her. Not because I didn’t value my best friend’s opinion, but because I was all hopped up on pregnancy hormones and this judgmental woman deserved a piece of my mind.
She stopped right in front of us. “People like you shouldn’t even be allowed in public. If she starts breastfeeding that mutt, I’m calling the cops.”
“It was a joke, lady.” I stood up and pointed in her direction. “And you shouldn’t be in public with your asshole attitude. You’re what’s wrong with society today.”