I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again. Once more, the room is upside down, right side up, tipped on its side. “I’m in love with her?” I ask, but then I realize those words shouldn’t come out in the form of a question.
And not just because of my audience. That’s because it’s not a fucking question. It’s a fact of my existence.
“I’m in love with her,” I repeat, this time with the certainty I feel inside. In my heart.
As soon as I say it, I can’t seem to stop saying it. It frees me. It rips the weight of confusion off my shoulders. Everything that’s been happening with Violet crystallizes in one bright, clear moment. “I’m completely head over heels for her.”
I am absolutely smitten with my best friend’s sister, the girl I’ve known nearly my whole life.
“I can tell,” Maxine says, a soft smile curving her lips. “And, she’s quite in love with you, too.”
My eyes widen to the size of pizza pies. “What?”
Wild hope takes off inside me, strapping my heart onto a rocket of hope. Violet’s in love with me, too? There’s no way. That’s too much to ask for. That’s like winning the Super Bowl.
Maxine’s eyes twinkle. This is the other side of her. The romantic side I saw in the stands. “She mentioned you when I had my hair done.” She lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Apparently, she’s had quite the thing for you since the second grade.”
The rocket sputters, falling to earth in a heap of debris. That’s Violet’s canned response. It’s not new or special. It’s not as if she said, I’ve been in love with him since he tied me up and took me on a trip around the world on my bed. Or I fell hard for him when I saw how much he enjoyed hanging with the kids at the hospital.
This is status quo.
It’s the reminder that we’re friends who help each other, friends who have enjoyed a few benefits.
That’s all.
And that has to be okay.
Jasper smiles at me, then nods at Maxine as if he’s proud of her for doing this, but something else crystallizes.
Maxine could have just stopped coming on to me. She didn’t have to apologize, and she certainly didn’t have to confess to Jasper. But she womaned up in the end. She didn’t try to hide a thing. But what have I been doing?
Hiding everything.
“I’m glad we could clear the air,” Jasper says.
And when I’m dismissed, I realize that’s exactly what I need to do, too.
30
It takes all day to work up my nerve because I’m about to do something my agent would deem utterly insane.
That’s why I don’t call Ford. There wouldn’t be enough yoga classes in the Bay Area to calm him down if I told him my plan.
Besides, when I’m on the field and see safeties swarming the guy I’m about to throw to, I can’t find a new target if I’m looking to the sidelines for instructions.
I have to lead the team.
I have to be the one to lead my own damn career.
When the pre-game team meeting in the hotel conference room ends that evening, I don’t leave with my teammates. I walk over to Greenhaven and ask if I can have a word. He turns away from his assistant coaches and tells them he’ll be right back. We head into a private room off the conference area, and he shuts the door.
“What can I do for you, Cooper?”
My first name. There it is again. That’s who I want to be for him. But I can’t be that guy if I’m lying. I clear my throat. “I wanted to thank you for the invitation to dinner with your wife.”
He nods. “Of course.” He takes a beat, studies my face, and reads me loud and clear. “But you didn’t need to pull me aside for that.”
“No. I didn’t.” I take a deep, fueling breath. “I’m not really involved with Violet.”
His brow furrows. His eyes register surprise. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen Greenhaven flummoxed. “You’re not?”
“I am, but I’m not.”
“You might want to explain that better.”
“Something happened at the auction. Someone wanted to bid on me,” I say, not giving away Maxine’s name. “And I didn’t want that person to win. So Violet bid, and when the host of the auction saw us on stage, she figured we were together, and I didn’t correct her. I said she was my girlfriend, and we kept it up.”
He raises an index finger like a professor making a point. “But you go around with her like you are with her. You stopped by the hospital, she kissed you at the game last week, you post those pictures on your feed . . .”
“You see my Instagram?”