“I do,” he says, rubbing his forehead. “More than you could ever know.” He shakes his head. “Listen, it’s late. I should say good night.”
He turns to the dock, and in a moment he’s gone.
Inside the house, I sink into the couch. My dress falls all around me like a heap of red velvet frosting, and I lean back against the cushion. My heart is beating wildly. There’s a half-drunk bottle of wine on the counter. I uncork it and pour some into a glass. I stare at the phone and think of Dex. I dial the number to his studio and take another sip of wine as the phone rings.
“Hello?” It’s the same voice. The same young woman. I look at the clock—after midnight—then slam the phone down.
I slip off my heels and run outside to the deck, then climb into the canoe, forgetting my life vest. It doesn’t matter now. Nothing does. I paddle across the little channel and tie the rope to the cleat hurriedly. I don’t care if it floats away. I don’t care about anything but falling into Collin’s arms.
There’s a light on inside, and I run to his back door and knock quietly but persistently. There are tears in my eyes and anticipation in my heart. Collin appears a moment later. He’s changed into Levi’s and his shirt is unbuttoned. I don’t say anything; neither does he. We speak a language all our own. He lifts me up to him, and I wrap my legs and arms around his body. I look into his eyes and feel his breath on my skin. Our lips are close now, and this time, he kisses me.
Chapter 18
ADA
I don’t see Alex the next day, or the day after. I feel bad about rushing out of the restaurant the way I did, and yet, after what I heard him say on the phone, how could I not? How could I trust him with my fragile heart when his is already in the possession of someone else? And then, on a quiet Saturday morning on the dock while I water the flowers outside my deck, our eyes meet.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi,” I reply timidly.
“Can I come over?”
I nod.
He jumps in his kayak and crosses the little channel before attaching the craft to the cleat beside my deck. It’s a warm day, and he’s wearing a navy T-shirt and cargo shorts.
“Do you want to sit?” I ask.
“That would be nice.”
At first, we don’t say anything. We just watch the sailboats stream by, and then Alex turns to me.
“What did I say? What did I do to make you leave the other night? Did I say too much? Did I frighten you? I’m so sorry if I did.” There’s a tinge of desperation.
“You don’t have to apologize, Alex. It was silly for me to think you were ready for a new relationship—that I was ready for a new relationship.”
He shifts his chair so that he’s facing me, not the view. “Oh, Ada, but I am ready for a new relationship. I only told you about my past so you’d know the truth about me. I hoped you wouldn’t be frightened by it, but I guess I should have expected that.”
I shake my head. “I’m not frightened by it. But I know you still love your ex.” I can’t bring myself to say her name. “And as long as you still care about her, well, I don’t want to come between that.”
He looks confused. “What do you mean that I ‘still love’ my ex?”
“I heard you talking on the phone to her,” I say. “I understand.”
“At the restaurant?”
I nod.
“Yes, it was Kellie who called, but she put my daughter on the phone. You must have heard me talking to Gracie.”
I shake my head silently as my eyes well up with tears. I think of Ella then, her dark hair, her smile with a missing front tooth. “You have a daughter?”
“Yes,” he says softly. “It’s what I was trying to tell you, before the phone rang, before you left.”
I tuck my hand into his. “Oh, Alex.”
“Kellie was pregnant when she left me,” he says. “She didn’t tell me about Gracie until she was three. I suppose in some ways I didn’t deserve to be a father then. I had to work through my issues, and I did. Kellie finally introduced me to Gracie, though, a few weeks after her fourth birthday, and it was love at first sight. Part of me will never forgive her for keeping my daughter from me for so many years. It kills me to think of how much of her life I missed. But another part of me understands her reasons. And I guess all that matters is that I’m a part of her life now. My relationship with Kellie is rocky. We don’t always agree on parenting decisions, but we’re trying. We both love our daughter very much, and we’re committed to being the best parents to Gracie.” He takes a deep breath. “Ada, you’d love her. She’s eight years old, and the spunkiest little thing you’ll ever meet. She loves animals and anything pink, and won’t leave the house without her Dora the Explorer backpack.”