More than Exist(36)

I needed to think about what I was doing. What my purpose for being here was. And to remind myself that I was going to be leaving in a few months.





Chapter 26





“Are you avoiding me?” Luke asked from behind me, causing me to jump.

I’d stayed in my room Thursday night and avoided him Friday morning, then he and Matty had gone to town straight after school. It was now Saturday morning, and I had successfully avoided him since dinner on Thursday. I just didn’t expect him to notice.

Thinking he’d already left for work, I’d slipped out of my room still clad in only my pajamas to grab some coffee before starting my day.

“Um, no?” It came out more as a question than an answer.

Luke strode toward me, clad in his usual uniform of jeans, a button-up shirt, and his cowboy boots. His hat was sitting in its place on the table.

How had I not noticed that?”

“You’re not?” he asked again, stopping a foot in front of me, causing me to back up a step and run into the island.

“No,” I said, making my tone a little more believable. “I’ve, ah, just been busy … And, you were in Charleston.”

Luke didn’t look convinced. He brushed a hand over his face, then sighed audibly before he asked, “You’d tell me if there was something wrong?”

Everything I’d learned in counseling suddenly rushed through my head, and I wondered if I should just tell him that I was nervous about the chemistry between us. Did he feel it too, or would he think I was crazy?

My tongue darted out over my lips nervously as I contemplated what to do. My eyes were down, so I was totally taken by surprise when Luke suddenly muttered, “Fuck it,” and brushed his lips across mine.

Frozen in pure shock, I stood there for a second as my mind slowly registered the warm, soft touch of his mouth. A sizzle shot right down to my toes, waking my body up even if my brain wasn’t there yet, and I brought my arms up around his neck and leaned into the kiss.

Luke groaned at my obvious enthusiasm and brought his free arm around my waist, as the other braced against the countertop, holding us up.

I slanted my head to get closer and opened my lips, moaning in pleasure when his tongue accepted the invitation and swept through my mouth. The kiss was deliciously soft and sweet, and other than his fingers squeezing my hip, he made no move to take our connection further.

He pulled back, resting his forehead against mine as we both gasped for air. There was a sweet hum going through me, and I felt completely swept away by our first kiss.

That’s when it hit me right in the gut, as if I’d been punched. Guilt. Horrible, painful, soul-crushing guilt.

What was I doing? What about Ricky? How could I feel so strongly about Luke after a couple of weeks in his life and one kiss, if I’d loved my husband as much as I’d always thought?

I pulled away abruptly, looked into Luke’s still-dazed eyes and said, “Sorry,” then I ran to my room and shut the door. Locking it behind me, I slid down until my butt hit the floor, and ignored Luke’s pleas for me to open up when he knocked. After a couple of minutes, he went away, but I stayed in that position for over an hour.

Confused and upset, I called Sarah and spoke to her about what I was feeling, and after about twenty minutes on the phone, she urged me to go talk to Luke.

“He’s your boss, your landlord, and your friend. You need to tell him how you’re feeling and explain your reaction to the kiss. Obviously you guys share an attraction, and it will be hard for you to talk about it with the object of your affection, but you don’t have the liberty to hide behind embarrassment. You don’t want this to cause undue stress in your life, that’s the last thing you need right now. Look, Belle, he sounds like a good guy. Just talk to him.”

So that’s why, two hours after he kissed me in his kitchen and I’d run away in shame, I was standing outside his office door in the barn, literally shaking as I raised my hand and knocked.

“It’s open,” Luke called from inside, and a thrill shot through me at the sound of his voice.

That’s not making this any easier, I chastised myself under my breath, before I called every ounce of bravery I had to the surface and walked in.

“Hey,” I said when I stepped around the door and saw him sitting behind his large wooden desk. He looked surprised to see me, which I’m sure he was, since I’d never come down here before. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course,” he said, standing and indicating that I should sit.

I shut the door behind me, then went and sat on the couch he was moving toward. He sat next to me, leaving space between us so that we could turn toward each other as we spoke.