"If we could just talk about this-"
"There's nothing to say. My mind is made up."
Her heart dropped so violently she could barely breathe. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to agree with her. He'd always been on her side, but now, when she needed him most, he was just going to do what? Divorce her?
"W-what are you saying?" she asked, her voice so wobbly her words were barely understandable.
"We can't be together anymore," he told her. "Not like before."
"Are you saying you want a divorce?"
"I made you a promise, one I intend to keep. We can go on living like a married couple, but it would be best if we saw each other as little as possible. That will be much easier if you take the spare room downstairs."
She could hardly believe this was happening. He was ending their relationship, just like that? "So that's it? We're not even friends anymore?"
"That's it," he said, that damned blank look on his face. He could have the decency to show a little emotion, to feel angry or hurt. Something.
"What about work? Are you firing me?"
"No, but I think that after you establish your citizenship, you should consider looking for another position. It would be easier on everyone."
Then what reason did she even have to stay in Royal? She'd had such grand plans for making Royal her home, and suddenly now they were unraveling around her. Maybe she would be better off in South Africa after all. Maybe it would give her the chance to make a new start.
Julie was a nervous wreck for the next few days, praying she didn't run into Luc, then feeling so cold and empty inside when she didn't. Luc was really good at making himself scarce.
How was it that just a week ago everything was fine. She was happy, he was happy. Why did he have to go and ruin everything?
That wasn't fair and she knew it. This wasn't his fault. It was all her. But she missed him, in a way she had never missed anyone. She woke up lonely and went to bed feeling sick. When she was able to sleep, which wasn't often, he tormented her in her dreams. He preoccupied her mind until she could barely think of anything else.
What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she such a mess?
She tried her best to keep her feelings to herself, to put on a good face, but she must not have been very convincing because Amelia confronted her Sunday afternoon at the hospital.
Tommy was working with his physical therapist and making impressive progress, so Julie and Amelia went down to the cafeteria for lunch.
"I am not going to miss this hospital food," Amelia said, glaring with contempt at her overcooked burger and soggy fries. Julie pushed her tuna salad around the plate but couldn't make herself take a bite.
"You've been unusually somber this last week," Amelia said.
So much for putting on a good face. She felt like an empty shell, as if losing Luc had sucked everything she loved about life right from her. The days seemed to have no point. Food lost its flavor and not even sleep was an escape from the harsh reality of how horribly she had screwed things up. Why hadn't she just told Luc that she loved him?
Because it would have been a lie, and no matter how much she missed him, he deserved someone who could love him with her whole heart. Someone who trusted him the way she never could.
"I thought I would give you time to work it through before offering an ear," Amelia said, "but we have to leave tomorrow. Could you at least assure me that you're okay?"
Julie put her fork down, feeling hollowed out and cold. A nonperson. "To be honest, I'm not sure if I am."
Amelia's brow knit with concern. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She hadn't intended to tell Amelia about her pretend marriage, but there was no way to explain the situation without telling her the whole truth. Besides, not telling her seemed dishonest somehow. "If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to say anything to anyone. And I mean no one."
"Of course."
She took a deep breath and said quietly, so no one else would hear, "Luc and I aren't really a couple. We only got married to keep me from getting deported."
Amelia sat back, looking stunned. "I have a hard time believing that."
"It's the truth."
"You two are Royal's 'it' couple. Everyone talks about you. You're the blueprint for the ideal marriage. The fairy tale come true."
She'd had no idea people viewed her and Luc's marriage that way. It looked as though they had successfully pulled the wool over everyone's eyes. Which only made her feel more depressed and vacant.
"So, if you're just friends, your relationship isn't physical?"
"Well, it was. But not anymore."
"Something happened?"
Unable to even look at her food, Julie pushed her tray away. "He told me that he's in love with me."
Amelia looked confused. "And that's a bad thing?"
"It's not part of the plan."
"The plan? Wow, sounds serious."
"We weren't supposed to fall in love, but he broke the rules and now our friendship is over."
Amelia sat a little straighter. "So, what are you saying-he's available?"
That was a strange question. "I suppose so."
"And you aren't in love with him."
She didn't like the direction this conversation was taking. "I tried. I just can't feel something that I don't."
"You're sure."
Julie blinked. "Of course I'm sure. If I were in love with someone, don't you think I would know it?"
Amelia was quiet for several seconds, mulling something over, her expression serious. "If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell anyone?"
"Of course."
She looked around and lowered her voice. "This is a little embarrassing, but when I made the decision to come here, I sort of had it in my mind that if Luc was still single, and there was still a spark..."
Julie's heart skipped a beat, then picked up triple time.
"When I thought he was a married man I backed off. But if your marriage is a fake, maybe I should rethink things."
"Maybe you should," Julie agreed.
"That wouldn't bother you? Not even a little? Because now that I know you're not really married, what reason would I have not to go after him myself? It wouldn't technically be cheating."
"No, but-"
"Hell, for all you know, he and I are already fooling around."
She could see what Amelia was doing, and it wasn't going to work. "But you're not."
"How do you know that when he's 'working late' he's not actually with me? I'm at the hospital 24/7 It would be really easy for us to fool around behind your back. Maybe use your condo for a quickie."
"But you wouldn't do that to a friend," Julie said.
"Are you sure? How well do you really know me? Maybe people hate me so much because they've seen Luc and I together. They know we're messing around."
Julie knew Amelia was only trying to make a point, but she felt unsettled nonetheless. "I'm sure someone would have mentioned it."
"You would think so, but all my friends-or should I say ex-friends-knew what Tom was doing and no one said a word to me about it. I didn't find out until after the divorce that he'd had sex with my maid of honor in the men's room at our wedding reception."
Julie gasped. "Did he really?"
"And what about the nurse I saw Luc take into his office the other day after his secretary left? What reason do you think he had to close and lock the door? Maybe you aren't the only friend he's sleeping with."
Julie felt a twinge of something unpleasant. "We are talking hypothetically."
"Are we? If I did see Luc with another woman would you want to know the truth? Would it even matter? If you're not really married-"
"Yes!" Julie said, much louder than she'd intended, causing the people around them to turn and look. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Yes, I would want to know. And yes, it would matter."
"Why?"
She felt her coffee rising back up her throat.
"You're looking a little pale," Amelia said. "Something eating at you?"
"Is he really seeing someone else?"
"Why does it matter?"
She didn't know why. "It just does."
"Perhaps you're feeling a little jealous?" Amelia said.
Julie's first reaction was to deny it, but whoever the woman was, if there really was another woman, Julie wanted to claw her eyes out.
Oh God, she was jealous. And not just a little. The thought of Luc being intimate with someone besides her made her feel like barfing. "That doesn't mean I'm in love with him."