"Luc doesn't really talk about his father."
"He doesn't remember him. But they're so very much alike. My husband was a simple man. He believed in hard work and family, and giving back to the community."
"That does sound like Luc."
"We used to own one of the largest ranches in the county. He always hoped his boys from his first marriage would want to take over, but they had no interest in the family business. Or me for that matter. That ranch was his life and out of respect I wanted to keep it running, keep it in the family, but then I had my surgery and everything changed. I couldn't keep up with the day-to-day operations, and like Luc had no interest in ranching. I knew he was meant for greater things. The proceeds from the sale of the business paid for medical school."
"Luc said his dad had a heart attack."
"A massive coronary," she said, looking so sad, even all this time later. "They found him out in the field, his horse at his side. They told me that it was instantaneous, that he never suffered. I always took comfort in the fact that he died doing what he loved most.
"That's why I believe in seizing the moment. Living as though every day might be your last."
"I was in love once," she told Elizabeth. "I met him at university. I thought he was the love of my life."
"But he wasn't?"
She shook her head, the pain of that time still as real and sharp as a slap in the face.
Elizabeth frowned. "If you're uncomfortable talking about it..."
"It's not that," Julie said. It was just embarrassing to admit she had been so desperate for love. So gullible.
"You have to bear in mind how I was raised," she told Elizabeth. "I had no positive male influence in my life. My sister and I grew up believing that nothing we ever did was good enough."
"Oh, honey," Elizabeth said, patting her arm. "You've done amazing things with your life. You've dedicated yourself to helping people. You should be proud of your accomplishments. No matter what anyone else thinks."
That was easier said than done. "I try, but there's always that small part of me that says it's not enough. That I could be doing more. That I'll never quite measure up."
"Inner demons," Elizabeth said with a sigh. "There's nothing more difficult to face than your own overinflated expectations. Believe me, I've been there."
Julie certainly had her share of those. "I found most men intimidating at that time, but there was something so different about him. He was so gentle and kind. He filled a place in my heart that had been empty for so long. I was able to set my fears aside. I was convinced he would never hurt me. At first."
"But he did."
She nodded. "Things started to gradually change. Little things at first. He became more critical and more demanding. He wanted all of my attention. He resented my friends, my professors, my homework. But I was so desperate for someone to love me, to accept me, I was blind to what was happening, to the way he was gradually tearing down my self-esteem, shrinking my world until I was totally dependent on him. By the end, he controlled nearly every aspect of my life."
"Love makes us do foolish things," Elizabeth said, and something in her eyes said she was speaking from experience. "Especially when we're vulnerable. The important thing is that you got away."
"It took every bit of courage I had to walk away from him. I was miserable for months. He had me convinced that I needed him. But as time passed and things moved into perspective, I was disgusted with myself, and embarrassed that I let it go as far as it did. I felt as if I should have known better. The first time he called me stupid I should have walked out the door." She paused, shaking her head. "No, not walked. I should have run for dear life."
"It's not your fault," Elizabeth said. "You were vulnerable and he took advantage of you. He was a predator."
"And he was damned good at it. I haven't been in a serious relationship since. I still don't trust my own instincts."
"Do you trust Lucas?"
"I do." With her life. He was the only person she trusted unconditionally
"You believe he would never hurt you?"
She could see where Elizabeth was going with this, and though Julie hated to disappoint her, there was no way around it. "Not purposely, no. But Luc and I will never be anything but friends. I love him. I can't imagine what I would do without him. Hands down he's the most important person in my life."
"I know he feels the same way about you."
That didn't change anything. "I'm sure as a mother, you want what's best for Luc," Julie said.
"Of course."
"Even if we were in love, he deserves someone without all the emotional baggage. It would be unfair to lay that all on him."
"Everyone has emotional baggage, Julie. Everyone. Even Luc."
Yes, well, some had more than others. Elizabeth didn't realize that Julie was doing both her and Luc a favor. She didn't know the first thing about being a wife. Or a daughter-in-law, for that matter.
"I wish things were different. I don't doubt that Luc would be an exceptional husband. In fact, I know he would be. It's my role as his wife that I'm not so confident about."
"Shouldn't Luc be the one to make that decision?"
As far as Julie was concerned, he already had. "I can't force myself to fall in love, and neither can he."
Eight
The nurse returned from her nap a few minutes later to check Elizabeth's vitals and gently suggested that it was time for her to rest. Julie gathered her things and went back to her bedroom, where she set up a work area at the small desk under the window overlooking the rolling green lawns and sprouting flower beds of the estate.
She opened the window and breathed in deeply. Spring was in the air. When she'd arrived in October, everywhere she looked there was devastation. It seemed as if now, slowly but surely, the town was waking up to the world, and life in Royal was returning to normal. Or what she perceived to be normal. Displaced families were back in their homes, and every week shops and restaurants had begun reopening.
She needed to get out more and explore the city. If this was to be her permanent home, she needed to get to know it better. And the people. That was the worst part of growing up so sheltered. The lack of community, missing that feeling of belonging somewhere. But things were different now. She was different.
She smiled to herself, thinking, This is home. This was exactly where she was meant to be.
Taking one last deep breath of cool fresh air, she closed the window, opened her laptop and got back to work. Sorting data took every bit of her attention and concentration, so it was no surprise that she didn't hear Luc walk in the room. When he spoke her name, she nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Didn't mean to startle you," he said, but he knew as well as she that when she was immersed in work, startling her was inevitable. "How's the research going?"
"Great." She looked over at the clock, surprised to see that it was barely after four. She couldn't remember the last time he'd left the hospital before seven in the evening.
Her first thought was that something must have been wrong. "Is everything okay?"
"Fine," he said, shrugging out of his jacket, which he then tossed over the footboard of her bed. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"The time, for one. You're home so early."
He loosened his tie and pulled it off, then started unfastening the buttons on his dress shirt. "I told Ruth to clear my afternoon. That I had something I needed to do."
Something that required he take his clothes off, because that's what he was doing. And why was her bedroom door closed? "What do you need to do?"
A sexy grin tipped up the corners of his lips. "You, of course."
What the advance lacked in creativity, he made up for with red-hot sex appeal. He unbuttoned his shirt, slowly exposing a band of smooth, defined chest with just a sprinkle of crisp black hair.
Nice.
"You know, I almost stopped to pick up Mardi Gras beads on the way home," he said.
Huh? Why would they need those?
Seeing her confused look, he said, "You don't recall flashing me this morning?"
Oh yes, she had done that, hadn't she. She never dreamed that a quick peek at her breasts in the morning would motivate him to cancel his afternoon appointments and rush home three hours early.
Damn. She must be doing something right.