“Fair enough, but I’m here if you change your mind,” I sighed.
Walking into the house together, I put it behind me. It was one incident, and after a year of combat, it made complete sense when I thought about it.
We decided to make it a clothing optional day and spent most of it naked hanging around the house. Sex seemed to be the easy answer, and as long as our bodies were moving, our mouths were busy, and we didn’t have to talk about what happened earlier. He needed to deny it happened, and I needed to forget. We had sex in the living room, kitchen, and bedroom that day. I didn’t want it to end, but knew he needed time to himself.
We curled onto the sofa tangling our bodies together talking about marriage, and what kind of time frame we were looking at. We decided we’d wait at least six months, and that we wanted something small and intimate, maybe a quiet ceremony at the beach with just a few close friends and family. I was blissfully happy and relieved he’d come home safely. Life was good, and would only get better now that Austin was back.
As the weekend came to a close, I was hesitant to let go. I knew he needed some time alone, I just wanted to be with him every moment of every day. I’d have my own schedule to return to anyway. With work in the morning, it was back to life as I knew it – only now Austin was back at home where he belonged.
His active duty would soon be changing to inactive reserve, and with that behind us I felt like we could finally move forward, knowing he wouldn’t get called back for deployment. We discussed children and where to live, our future, his desire to return to school, and every tiny detail we could examine together thinking about our lives.
I would be Mrs. Sharpe, and no longer Kate Tanner. And he would take a wife. I wanted to be a better wife to him than Emily ever was, and help him erase that memory completely. I tried not to compare myself, but it’s easier said than done. I can’t pretend like she didn’t exist, but I sure as hell can give him better memories.
Before I dropped Austin back at his place, we stopped at the market so he could pick up some supplies. I had to tear myself away, leaving him alone, but knew he needed some time to himself.
I called Heather when I got home, but she didn’t answer. She finally texted me back later, telling me she’d taken a nap with the baby. We went over every detail of my weekend, and then she said she had news to share. Scott and she had found a way to make it work if she went part-time. At first it would be tight, but by changing a few things around, they’d be able to do it.
I was happy for her, since I knew this was what she wanted, but sad for me since it meant I wouldn’t see Heather every day at work. She told me not to worry yet, because she had to find a part time job before she could make the transition. She was going to talk to our boss and see if it was an option at our work place, but wasn’t expecting much since they didn’t hire part-timers. When it came down to it I was happy for her, because she thrived being a mother and wanted to spend as much time with AJ as possible. Who could blame her, Amber Jo was growing so quickly!
I couldn’t believe how much time had all ready passed, and what was once our itty, bitty little love was now an infant on the move! She’d gone passed crawling and pulling herself up on the edge of the sofa or table, and we knew she’d be walking any day. How had so much time gone by?
Austin seemed a little on edge when I saw him, but nothing out of the ordinary. I mean, we all have stress. It just seemed like little things bothered him more, but I wrote it off. He seemed more reserved in other small ways as well, and I think I kept making excuses for him, not wanting to see what could very well be a reality. He might be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
He seemed almost depressed and despondent some days, but other days he’d be fine. His sleeping schedule was off again, and while I’d fall asleep, he’d restlessly toss and turn, finally getting up in the middle of the night. His body was still adjusting to his new schedule.
He had trouble concentrating some days, and lacked the desire to socialize. I hated to see him go through this, and just accepted it would take time. I assumed in a few weeks, things would be back to normal – after all I’d met him after his last tour of duty, and he’d adjusted in that time frame before.
It didn’t matter; I’d stand by his side and work through this. I needed him to know he wasn’t alone, and that we were a team.
He didn’t want to talk to anybody about it, and even avoided discussing things with Scott or Jake. It broke my heart that he was suffering in silence, but it wasn’t my choice. I couldn’t force him to do anything. I gently suggested he talk to somebody, but he just wasn’t ready.