“Morning,” I smiled. This is how I wanted to wake every single morning for the rest of my life, with him beside me.
His fingers traced along my jaw line, the curve of my neck and then over my shoulder. His touch was tender, and there was love in his eyes.
We shared an intimate moment, and then climbed out of bed. I went in to make breakfast while Austin took a shower. I picked French toast with a little bit of powdered sugar, making a mental note that I’d need to run a couple of extra miles this week based on the way I’ve been eating lately.
My stomach was slowly knotting, knowing today was the day, but I pushed it from my mind, not wanting it to steal the joy of being with Austin today.
An entire year…365 days…it was too big to wrap my head around, so I decided I’d have to take it one day at a time. I’d all ready made a special calendar to cross off the days as each went by. I wondered if day 10 would be harder than day 20, or if day 30 would see me in tears, or if at day 200 I’d be fine – or would I still be at the point of breaking down and crying thinking about him.
Seeing him walk around the corner in just a towel snapped me back to the moment. “You’re looking delicious,” I said. “Breakfast will be ready in just a couple of minutes.”
Walking to the fridge, he took out some juice and poured a glass. “Thanks for making breakfast.”
It was a delight to make him breakfast, hell, I wish I could do it every day. I wish…stop, stop that…let it go. There’s nothing you can do to change his deployment orders. Accept it, don’t fight it. I took a deep breath and changed my thought process the best I was able.
I plated up the French toast and joined him at the table. “Not getting dressed?”
“No need,” he smiled. “I intend to spend what time we have left naked together,” he laughed. “And to that point, why do you have clothes on?”
“I was cooking,” I offered, sitting down to join him.
“You’re finished,” he reminded. “Maybe you should take them off.”
“You want me to strip now, or can I at least eat my breakfast first?”
“If you’re naked, I can imagine drizzling syrup over your breasts much easier.” His smile was sweet.
“Funny boy,” I bemused and stood up to remove my clothing.
“Oh, that’s much better.” His schoolboy grin said it all.
“Glad I could help,” I winked and sat down to eat.
Austin stood for a moment, whipping off his towel, “I’ll be right back.”
I watched him walk by, not sure if I was hungrier for my guy or my breakfast. I was stuck between lust and love, and the fear of losing him after today. My stomach churned, and then it would pass for a moment, and I’d be caught up in our time together, only to be jerked back to reality again. It was like a maddening see saw.
“Close your eyes,” I heard as he rejoined me from behind.
“What? Why?”
“Just close them,” he nudged.
“Fine, they’re closed,” I said, sensing him moving closer.
He moved my hair to the side and over my shoulder. Tenderly he leaned in and kissed my neck, and then draped a necklace around me, attaching the clasp in the back. “For you,” he said after moving my hair back from my shoulder. “You can open your eyes again.”
“What is it?” My hand instinctively went up to feel what he’d placed there. Lifting it up, I saw a gorgeous ruby red heart. It was held in place with a delicate gold chain. “It’s so pretty,” I said fingering the piece of jewelry.
“You are the keeper of my heart,” he started. “You hold on tightly to that, because I’m leaving it with you while I’m gone.”
I stood and turned to face my lover, accepting his embrace, and as he held me tight I melted. His hug grew stronger, almost like he was afraid to let go. Finally releasing his grip, he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Let’s eat,” he said quietly.
“It’s beautiful,” I said. “Can I go peek at it in the mirror?”
He smiled and nodded.
I raced to the hallway and looked at the necklace adorning my neckline. It was gorgeous, and I instinctively reached up to hold it. I sat back at the table wearing a grin, and ate my breakfast naked. I kept reaching up and touching it, and was grateful to have something small to hold on to while he was gone.
I tried not to look at the clock, really I did, but I couldn’t help glancing over and over. I was watching the minutes tick by way too quickly, and knew that in a few hours he’d be leaving. I ached to have him here until later, or tomorrow, or next week, but my reality was that we had mere hours left until next year. Next year – the weight of that statement hit me like a brick. I swallowed my fear and frustration, and pushed it aside for the time being. I could analyze it all I wanted later – but not now.