I felt empty in that moment. It hurt. I mean, I get that he… no, I’m not going to make excuses for him, it hurt.
I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. I turned and sat down on the sofa, walking away from Austin. He followed me, not even trying to apologize, not saying he’d call them and tell them now, he simply said, “This doesn’t change my feelings for you.”
I stared at him. How could he not know it would sting, hearing something like this? I was torn; I’d wanted this to be a romantic encounter, a time to remember, but instead, I sat here stunned, realizing I was a ghost in his world. I simply didn’t exist to his parents. Wow.
Sitting beside me, he reached over and pushed my hair over one of my shoulders. “Kate, you mean the world to me, I just… I don’t have a great relationship with them. It would be more hassle to say something than not. Sometimes I keep things to myself.”
“I feel so irrelevant,” I said quietly.
“You’re not. You’re the furthest thing from that. I can’t breathe without you. You have to believe me, this is not about you, it’s about my relationship with my parents.” His eyes said it all; he hadn’t intended to hurt me.
“You’re a grown man, and you’re acting like a child,” I said, fighting the cause. I should have let it go – why couldn’t I? I never let things go soon enough. I hated that about myself.
“I’ve learned to choose my battles, and women are not something I enjoy discussing with my folks. After my divorce, well my mom just became bitter towards them. Nobody is good enough, it doesn’t matter if you’re a saint, a perfect specimen, she’ll still find a way to rip you apart, and you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to hear it, and I don’t want to give her the opportunity to do it.” He took a deep breath, pacing his words carefully, “I love you too much to put you through that.”
“So I have no say in this?” I sat, having to accept his words. Why should it matter? He loves me, isn’t that enough? Why do they need to know if he isn’t ready? But, if he didn’t tell his parents I existed, what was that truly saying? He didn’t believe in our relationship? He didn’t think we would last? Did he think I’d walk away again? Was this about me or him?
“Not now. What, do you want me to call and tell them? What does that solve? For a second you’ll be glad, but when you realize all the garbage and negativity that goes with it, it’s not worth it. Let it be, baby. I’m here with you right now; that has got to be worth something. I only have a couple of days left, and I chose to be here with you. Isn’t that enough?”
“I guess,” I said, lowering my head. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sails. Yes, he’d chosen to spend his last days with me, but I was a nothing in their eyes. I didn’t exist. They don’t even realize I love him, I’m supporting him emotionally, and that I care too. I hated how selfish I felt in the moment, but didn’t know how to turn it off. Austin had become my entire world, and I was invisible to them.
“Do we really have to do this now?” He asked, his voice flecked with frustration. His hand was stroking my cheek. “Sweetheart, you know what you mean to me.”
“Your sister, does your sister at least know?” He had to have told his sister, right? I mean, I wasn’t this complete secret, was I?
He was silent. I was heartbroken. Nobody in his family knew about me. I felt invisible.
This was the wrong time to have this conversation. He’s right, it shouldn’t matter. Our relationship was between the two of us, and who knew or didn’t know about us was irrelevant.
I took a deep breath and offered a compromise. “I’ll let it go, on the condition that when you return you tell them about us.” It was all I could offer. I wasn’t happy this way, but now wasn’t the time to fight about it. I had to swallow my pride and let it go.
“That I can do,” he said, a small smile spreading across his lips. He knew I was settling and not happy with the situation, but we had more important things to worry about at the moment.
Chapter 19
Looking into Austin’s eyes, I saw his sincerity. He was in love with me as much as I was with him. I reached over and traced one of his eyebrows without thinking. I couldn’t turn away, a simple look said so much. We held that moment, feeling the electricity in the air, and after a few more seconds Austin reached in to kiss me.
Our kisses were filled with questions of the future, love, passion, and hunger. Would this be the last time we’d make love, or would it be only the beginning of many years together? We wanted to believe we’d end up united down the road, but there was really no way to predict the future.