My heart stopped. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
Chapter 14
“Can I come in?”
I nodded, not saying anything.
Austin walked past me and headed to the living room. “Is he here? I didn’t see his car.”
I shook my head no, “We didn’t…he didn’t come in.” My voice was barely audible.
“I know you still love me; this is insane. I can’t sleep, I can’t stop thinking about you, and as pissed as I am, I’m not ready to walk away, not yet. Seeing you last night made it crystal clear. I still love you, and the idea of you being with him, or hell, anyone for that matter killed me. Is this truly what you want? You can’t truly believe we don’t belong together. I know you still love me, this is a huge mistake…we need to give this a chance.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was stunned. I expected hatred, anger, and pain to be spat at me, but instead he was telling me he loved me.
The words barely came out, and in a tiny whisper I admitted my true feelings, “I still love you. I don’t know what to do.”
“Just love me, why does it have to be harder than that? Listen, I’m not a player; I can’t just go out with girl after girl. I haven’t felt something this real in a long time, and I think it’s a mistake to not at least give it a fighting chance. I know what you’re worried about, I know you’re scared, but for the love of God, don’t let go out of fear. Stand up to your fear and fight for what you want.”
I felt the tears streaming down my cheek, and nodded. It didn’t change the fact that he’d be leaving again, but if we were together and I was with Austin, it meant that all was right in my world.
His arms were strong, and as they wrapped around me, holding me close, I felt the ice melting around my heart. He was all I wanted, all I needed, and once again I was back in his arms where I belonged. A sense of relief washed over me.
There was lust in our eyes, a burning desire, but we took things slowly. He leaned back and looked at me, slowly running his fingers across my face, and then cupping my chin. Tilting my head up the slightest bit, Austin kissed my lips tenderly. I needed his kiss as much as I needed to breathe. I wanted to feel him again, feel him holding me, kissing me, and taking me as his own.
He drew his hand across my forehead, and ran his fingers through my hair. It was as if he wanted to touch every bit of me, absorbing it as a memory. A sudden urgency had him pulling me in tightly again, “I love you, Kate. I want this to work,” he whispered.
“It will,” I said, begging myself not to cry again. I didn’t know what else to say. It didn’t matter; he was here with me now and that was the only thing I cared about. I was back in Austin’s arms.
Finally letting go, he stepped back only far enough to be able to move more freely. Tracing the length of my arms, his fingers stopped at my hands, pressing his fingers through mine. It was as if this tiny distance between us was a great divide, within moments he pulled me back tighter, almost embracing me in a bear hug. “We’re good for each other,” he said softly, “we’re meant to be together.”
I knew he was right. Honestly, I was terrified of losing him, and yet I didn’t know how I’d handle the pain of him leaving for a year. I’d have to take it one day at a time, because deep inside I knew Austin and I were better together than apart.
Kissing my forehead, he loosened his grip and led me to the bedroom. There were no more words left to speak, we knew exactly where we wanted to be.
This won’t change my fears, and it won’t change my loneliness or pain while he’s away, but we have today. That has to be enough for now. There was still time, I’d worry about it later.
Standing before the bed, Austin pulled me back into an embrace. Nudging my head to the side, he whispered I love you as he kissed my neck. The warmth of his breath gave me goose bumps, as I pressed into him hungry for more. His tongue slid along the curve of my neck, leaving me desperate for more.
I reached for the edge of his shirt, tugging it up over his back, and slid my hands beneath it. “Off with this,” I whispered and helped him pull it over his head. I wanted to see him, feel him, and taste his sweet skin.
I returned the soft kisses to his neck, his chest, and then back up to his lips. What started as a gentle softness was now a passionate desire. Our mouths ached to fill a need, and as our tongues explored, our hands skimmed over one another.
His fingers gripped the material of my shirt, and slowly inching it higher, I held my breath waiting to feel his touch. My breasts were partially exposed, hidden in my bra and showcasing my cleavage. Tucking his face between my breasts, he tenderly licked my skin before finishing the task of removing my shirt.