More Than Forever(95)

The door opens and a doctor walks in. She smiles at me, but it's sad. And I'm starting to get pissed again. There's too much sadness and nobody's told me why.

"You must be Cameron," she says. It's not a question, but I nod anyway.

Lucy tries to move, but she moans like she's in pain. "What happened?" I ask the doctor.

She looks up from the charts at the end of the bed, first to me, then to Lucy.

"I'm sorry," Lucy says again.

I kick off my shoes, make sure I'm not disturbing any equipment, and lie next to her.

"Can you turn to me?" I whisper.

I watch as she grimaces, but she slowly moves, the wires and cables connected shift with her.

Her eyes keep drifting closed, as if she's fighting a losing battle with sleep. "Tell him," she says, moving her head to my chest. I hold her there, like we've done so many times before.

"Are you sure, Lucy? You're still a little out of it. Maybe we should wait."

"He needs to know."

My heart picks up. "I need to know what?" I say to Lucy, but my words are meant for the doctor.

"I'm Dr. Scott, Cameron." I nod, because I can't speak. "Lucy asked that I speak to you about her condition. Is that okay?"

I nod again.

"Lucy was brought in this afternoon with severe vaginal hemorrhaging."

Lucy lets out a sob into my chest.

Dr. Scott continues, "We were able to stop the bleeding after we found the source." She sits on the end of the bed, as if getting comfortable.

I'm so fucking afraid to ask, but I do it anyway. "And?"

Dr. Scott's eyes move from Lucy to me. "Lucy was six weeks pregnant."

I gasp and hold Lucy closer.

"But she has the IUD..." I dip my head so my mouth is to her ear. "You're pregnant?"

She pulls back and looks up at me. Then shakes her head slowly.

"The IUD moved from its position, Cameron. It became ineffective. And Lucy was pregnant," Dr. Scott answers for her. "She had a miscarriage, Cameron. I'm sorry."

"What?"

"There's more," Lucy whispers into my chest.

I try to swallow, but the lump in my throat prevents it.

"By the time the ambulance got her here, Lucy had lost a lot of blood. We had to take her to surgery and find the cause so we could stop it. It's not normal to lose the amount of blood she did, not in a standard miscarriage, especially so early on."

"Can you please just tell me what happened?" I beg. I can't take it. The waiting. The not knowing. "Just tell me."

"Okay," she nods slowly.

Lucy cries harder.

"What's going on?" I say to no one in particular.

Dr. Scott clears her throat. "Lucy had what's called an ectopic pregnancy. Do you know what that is?"

I shake my head. "No."

"It's when the egg gets implanted into the fallopian tube instead of the uterus."

I try to think back to all the sex-ed classes, but nothing makes sense. "I don't understand. I'm sorry," I tell her. "Please just get to the point. Is Lucy going to be okay?"

She smiles, that sad same smile. "Lucy, herself, will be okay. What happens when the fetus attaches to the fallopian tube is that there's no room in there for it to grow. It can cause further damage to an already damaged tube. Lucy's tube ruptured, that's what caused the heavy bleeding. Normally, we'd be able to do a non intrusive keyhole surgery, but because of the amount of blood loss, we had to perform an open abdominal surgery."

Lucy weeps and I do my best to do what Lucas asked, to be her strength. But I'm not sure that I can.

Dr. Scott continues, "We had to remove the fetus, and one of her fallopian tubes. They also found scar tissue due to endometriosis on her other one... it's not in good shape either."

I try to let her words sink in, but I can't. I can't fucking understand what she's saying. Maybe I'm dumb, or maybe the pounding in my head is outweighing my brain's functionality. Maybe her voice is being muffled by me drowning above water.

Lucy keeps crying. She keeps saying she's sorry and I don't know why.

"Cameron," Dr. Scott says. "I don't want to weigh you down with too many medical terms so I'm just going to tell you, okay?"

Oh my God. Tell me what? I thought we were done. "Okay."

"The likelihood of Lucy being able to conceive naturally is quite low. Even if she does fall pregnant, the chances of her being able to carry that baby to full term are slim."

"I'm sorry," Lucy cries.

And I break.

But I don't show it.

Because I need to be her strength.

Even when I have none.

***

She cries until she falls asleep. I don't speak; because I know that no words exist that can take away the hurt.

I wait until she's completely out before I leave her. If Mom and Mark felt half of what I felt, then they deserve that wait to be over.