"What!" I step forward and take her hand. "Where are you going?"
She pulls out of my hold. "I'm just going away for a little bit."
"Away?" My heart pounds faster. Harder. Panic rushes through me. "Away?" I repeat. "Away from me?"
She has that look in her eyes again. That calm that shouldn't exist, not when the world around us is falling apart.
She nods once.
And I lose it.
I pull on her arm and drag her into an empty office. Slamming the door behind me, I turn to her. "What the fuck is happening right now?" I say to anyone that will listen.
She just stands there, her arms at her sides and sadness in her eyes I hoped to never see again.
I link our fingers. She lets me. Then I lean against a desk and pull her between my legs. She pulls a hand out of my hold and raises it, reaching up to wipe the tears on my cheeks. I can't stop crying. Her name leaves my lips. It sounds like a plea.
"I'm sorry, Cameron," she whispers.
Why the fuck is she sorry?
"I'm sorry that you felt like I pushed you, or pressured you—"
"Stop."
"No." She rests her forehead against mine. "I need to say this, and you need to hear it." Her voice is strained as she talks through her own cries. "I believed in you, and your art, so much that I thought I was encouraging you. I never thought that—" Her voice breaks, she clears it before continuing, "I never thought that I was pressuring you, or pushing you. And I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that you never felt like you were good enough. I'm sorry that I never told you that I would love you regardless of what you chose. Regardless of who you wanted to be. I'm sorry that our time together has been about me. And that you have always been about me. Cameron..." She stops to take a few calming breaths. We both do. We stand, our foreheads touching, breathing the same air, but there's endless space between us. "I loved you before you told me. I loved you before you kissed me. I loved you every day since we were fifteen. And I've loved you more with each passing day. But last night, you destroyed me. You took that love and you ruined me."
I drop my head onto her shoulder and sob uncontrollably. I release her hand and wrap my arms around her waist. I don't want to let her go. "I fucked up," I tell her. "I fucked everything up. And I didn't mean any of it."
She can't control her cries. And neither can I. She pulls back, holds my head in both her hands and looks me right in the eyes, wiping my tears as she does. "I would have loved you, every single day, forever, Cameron."
My head slowly shakes from side to side, because I know what this is. And I don't want it to happen. "Don't say that," I almost shout. "Don't, Lucy. Please. You're talking like we're done. That it's over." I stop to take a breath. "We promised each other forever. Don't you remember? Forever, Luce. You promised me."
"We both did," she says, her voice calm now. "We promised each other our forever. But maybe our forever is over."
My fingers curl into the back of her dress. I don't want to hear any of it. I don't want to believe it. "Don't say that," I beg. I plead. "I don't know how to fix this."
She pulls back, reaching behind her to unclasp my hands. I grip tighter.
"Cam, please," she sobs. "I have to go. This hurts too much."
And at her words, I release her. Because the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt her.
She leans up on her toes, the saltiness from both our tears combine with our kiss.
One kiss.
One final goodbye.
"I loved you so much," she whispers.
And then she's gone.
I drop my head in my hands and sit on the floor, too exhausted to stay standing.
And then I cry. Get angry. Cry. Get angry.
And then I do it all over again.
Because she said loved.
She loved me.
CHAPTER THIRTY
-LUCY-
Lucas meets me at the airport in New Jersey. He was the one that answered when I called last night to speak to Dad about Cameron staying at the cabin. He knew instantly that something was wrong. I told him what had happened, and I told him not to tell anyone. He let me cry for I don't even know how long. And when he knew I was done he said, "Luce, I'm sorry. Shit happens. You don't deserve it. Let's get fucked up." I laughed, and twenty minutes later we had flights booked to New Jersey.
We wait outside the airport for my friend Claudia and her brother Jason to show up. We all grew up together. Jason and Lucas were inseparable when they were kids, and even now, years later, it's like time hasn't passed at all.
"So my parents are away for a few weeks, somewhere in the Bahamas. We have the house to ourselves," Claudia informs, winking at me in the rear view mirror.