I open my eyes, no longer self-conscious. No longer afraid.
He shakes his head from side to side before placing a knee on the bed, between my legs. He uses it to push them further apart. I know what he wants. I nod slowly, so he knows that I want it too. He leans down, his hands slowly moving up the inside of my thighs. The material of my skirt lifts with the movement of his hands.
And then I panic.
I try squeezing me legs together but his strong hands stop me. His palms flatten on the top of my thighs—making it impossible. "If you want me to stop, say it." He licks his lips again, waiting for me to respond. But I can't speak. I can't lie. I don't want him to stop. So I answer him the only way I can, I let my muscles relax and spread my legs wider for him. He doesn't go slowly this time. His fingers curl around my panties and he pulls them down my legs. The cold air hitting my wetness makes me gasp.
"Come here," I manage to get out.
He doesn't hesitate; he gets on the bed next to me and kisses me. First my mouth, then my jaw, and then down my neck. He kisses my chest, moving lower with each kiss. His tongue leaves a trail of wetness to my breasts. He takes one in his mouth again, using his tongue, his lips, his teeth, all of it driving me insane, beyond the point of anything I've ever felt before. "Cameron," I whisper.
His gaze lifts.
I remove his hand from my breast and push it lower, where we both want him to be.
"Are you sure?"
I don't reply with words, I just push his hand further down.
The first touch has my head lifting off the pillow.
He sucks my nipple harder.
"Holy fuck," he moans, running a finger slowly up, and back down again. He moves his mouth to my other breast, right before I feel him inside me. He lifts his mouth. "Baby," he pants.
My back arches.
My eyes shut.
My breath catches.
My world stops.
A door opens.
"Cameron?"
"Mom!"
Screams.
That's all I can hear.
Screaming and yelling.
I'm screaming.
Cam's yelling. "Get out!"
I reposition my bra and try to hide. But we're both on top of the blankets and I can't pull enough off to cover myself.
I'm crying.
I'm crying tears of embarrassment and shame.
Cam covers himself with one hand and tries to cover me with the other.
"Get out!" he yells again.
But his mom's frozen in the doorway, her eyes fixed on something on the floor. My panties. "Oh my God," I cry, jumping off the bed and picking up my clothes.
I run to the bathroom and lock the door, trying hard to stay silent.
It doesn't work.
"Get out!" he says again, "Can't you hear her crying? We'll talk about this later. Not now."
"Cameron," I hear her say, and then heated whispers.
I quickly dress and grip the door handle. I want to hide out, but it's not fair to him. He shouldn't be dealing with this on his own.
I silently open the door.
"Just tell me," she whispers loudly. "Are you guys having sex?"
"No," I answer for him, wiping the tears off my cheeks. "But I think I want to."
"What?" Cam clips. "Right now?"
I shake my head. "No. Not now, but soon, I think."
His eyes widen, but he doesn't speak.
"What's going on?" Mark says, now standing behind Heather. His gaze moves from Cam, to me, and then to the bed. "Oh..." He nods in understanding.
"Mom," Cam pleads. "I can't talk about this—"
"Actually," I cut in. "Cameron, do you mind leaving? I'd like to talk to your mom for a moment."
He turns to me quickly. "What? No, babe. If you want to do this now, we do it together."
"No." I shake my head. "That's not it. Can you just go please?" I beg, letting out another sob.
His shoulders drop. "Babe..."
"Please?"
"Come on," Mark says. "Let the girls talk."
***
"We haven't had sex," I tell her.
She sits on the edge of the bed next to me looking down at the floor.
"Actually, this is the first time anything like this has happened, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you think that it was a breach of your trust because we did it under your roof, but it wasn't planned. I don't want you to stop trusting me. Or Cam." My words end in a sob. "I don't want you to hate me."
She sighs loudly and takes my hand. "I don't, honey. It's just a lot to take in. I could never hate you."
I mirror her position and look down at the floor.
Moments of uncomfortable silence pass.
The ache in my chest gets tighter. "Mom told me once that I'd know... when it was time, I mean. She said that I'd feel it in my heart." I face her now, my eyes filled with tears. "And I do. I feel it for Cameron. I'm so in love with him," I cry. "And I'm scared."