Now, the boy is still there. Still watching her. Still waiting.
With their dreams of the future broken, he waits.
But the girl is scared. The girl can't let her heartbreak belong to both of them forever. Because one day, she believes, this boy will build a time machine.
He'll go back to the past, to where it began, to where their love was all they needed. Where they could imagine their future, and a house full of their children. He'll want to go back to the boy, falling in love with the girl. And to the girl that could give him his dreams.
He'll want to stay there forever, in a life that was simple, and the only thing that mattered was love.
But here they are, stuck in the present, wondering how to move forward.
The girl thinks, and feels, and thinks some more, no matter how much it hurts her. But she doesn't have the answers. So one day the girl builds a time machine, but she doesn't join him in the past, she goes to the future. To where she sees the boy she fell in love with many, many years ago. And she sees his sadness. She sees him look into the room he designed just for her. She sees the frown that pulls on his lips when he glances at a single armchair. She sees him watching his friend's kids at little league, and wondering to himself what he did in life that was so wrong that he couldn't have that. Then she sees the way he looks at her, with so much held in regret, and sadness, and anger, because he couldn't have any of it. And one day, that regret and sadness and anger—they turn into hate. And the love they once had, the love that made their world spin, has turned into hate.
So there they are; the boy in the past, falling in love with the girl. And the girl in the future, with the boy that can no longer love her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
-CAMERON-
My body shakes as I march to her dorm, her note scrunched roughly in my hands. I bang on her door harder than I should. People stare, call me crazy, but I don't care. "LUCY!" I bang again. Harder, louder. "LUCY!"
The door opens, but it's not her. "Where is she?"
"Whoa," Rose says, her hands up in surrender. "Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not fucking okay! Where is she?" I shove the door further open and step inside, my eyes frantically scanning for her. I push open the bathroom door, but she's not there either.
"Where is she, Rose?"
"I don't know, Cameron, you need to calm down." She settles her hand on my shoulder. "Breathe," she says.
And I do.
Once the adrenaline settles and my muscles relax, I look her in the eyes. "Rose, if you know where she is... please tell me," I beg. "I need to see her."
***
Ten minutes later I'm parked behind Lucy's car at the front of Jake and Micky's house. I try to stay calm as I knock on their door. Jake answers but I shove him out of the way and I walk to Lucy sitting on their couch. "What the hell is this?" I yell, raising her note in my hand.
She flinches and brings her knees up to her chin.
"I'm fucking serious, Lucy. What the hell?" I tried to stay level, I really did, but I'm pissed. Beyond pissed.
"Cameron," Micky says, standing up and pushing me away.
Lucy starts crying, or maybe she already was. I don't know.
"Lucy! Look at me!"
She doesn't. She just continues to sob with her arms shielding her head, hiding herself.
Hiding from me.
My fists ball. "How the fuck can you feel any of this? At what point have I ever done anything, ANYTHING," I shout, "to make you feel like this! To make you feel like I didn't love you or would ever stop loving you! This is bullshit! I've done nothing but fucking love you every day since the day I knew your goddamn name and you think you can walk away! I'm not letting you go!"
"CAM!" Jake's at my side now, pulling my arm and leading me to the door. "I'm not letting you go, Lucy!" I shout, just as Jake shoves me out the door, closing it behind both of us.
"You need to calm the fuck down," he says. But there's a sadness in his voice and I want to punch him. I need for people to stop feeling sorry for me. I just need people to understand.
"You don't fucking get it!" I tell him, sitting down on the porch steps. "You don't fucking understand!"
He sits next to me, silent, for what feels like hours.
And I cry. Again.
He rubs the back of his neck before speaking, "You think I don't know what it feels like to want to be there for a girl that you love? When she's so broken and hurt that she doesn't see you standing there, with your arms open..." His voice breaks, before he clears his throat. "Trust me, dude. I know. It's the fucking hardest thing to do—to be around the person you love, every day, and not be able to love them. I've been there. I've lived it. But she needs time—"