6
Shine
I want to open my eyes, but I can’t. They feel so heavy. I hear a loud beeping nose and I swear that whatever it is I want to throw it through a window. I can feel someone’s hand in mine, and a sniffling sound like someone is crying. Who, I don’t know?
After several attempts my eyelids finally cooperate, but it’s so bright in here. Where am I? Why does it smell like Clorox and old people? I move a little and realize that I shouldn’t have done that. My body hurts like I’ve been beaten the hell up with a steel pipe or something.
“Shine baby, you’re awake, finally. You scared me I thought…. Well, I was scared to death I was gonna lose you too. I can’t lose you.” Moon cried as he dropped his head onto my chest.
The memories started to pour in, and I gasp for breath. It’s so vivid and real. The pictures flashed in my mind over and over. That bastard and his hands took away everything. My innocence was taken. I remember the wreck and I remember the way he looked. Oh geez. He is dead. The only other person who knows is dead. It will be my word against the dead guy and not just any dead guy, Moon’s father. I suppose I will be taking this with me to the grave.
He needs to quit touching me. I tried to push Moon off my chest, but I have little strength. I can’t budge him. He lifts his head from my chest and looks me in the eyes. He is so close to my face that I can feel his breath. I cannot look at those eyes any longer. Those eyes just may haunt me for the rest of my life. I could feel my chest starting to close and I couldn’t catch my breath. My lungs were fighting me every single step of the way. They were bound and determined to never let me breathe again. The tears slid down his face and the only words that I could get out of my mouth were “Go away” and I wanted him to do just that. To walk out those doors and let me die or whatever and never come back into my life again. It hurts so bad to look into the eyes of the man I love, and see the man that I hate.
He left just as the nurses came running in. The lady put the oxygen mask over my mouth and nose and after a few minutes I could breathe again. She also put some kind of medicine into the I.V. in my arm and almost instantly I felt relaxed and ready to sleep. Mom and dad rushed in and to my side. Mom held my hand while dad rubbed my head. I needed them. I needed them to know that I love them, but I need them to just back away right now. I don’t want to talk, or feel, or even live right now. I turned my head away from them and closed my eyes to go to sleep.
“Sleep princess,” dad said as he leaned in to kiss me. I flinched involuntarily and kept my eyes closed. “We will be here when you wake up.”
While I was in the hospital the memories kept flooding me until they consumed me completely. The nightmares started the second night and even after a very large sleeping pill I would still wake myself up in a screaming frenzy. His face was always there. I could even feel his breath on my neck. After switching my meds three times I think they finally found something strong enough to keep me from screaming. I didn’t tell them that the dreams were still happening, because there aren’t enough drugs in the world that could make them go away.
The doctor finally released me to go home. My injuries weren’t life threatening and I just wanted to be home and in my own bed, away from all the visitors. Four days is too damn long in a hospital. I wasn’t completely unscathed. I suffered one broken rib, a broken nose, and lots of scrapes and bruises. What a shame…. It looks like I will live after all, yippy. No one ever seemed to mention the enormous bruises on my inner thighs or the fingerprint bruises on my inner arms. I guess they didn’t look that hard, and I didn’t mention it. I hoped that once I got into the shower that his filthy marks would just wash right down the drain. I hoped the memory would drown too.
Being back home and in my own room seems to help a little. I am not crying as much and mom leaves my side now. There is still a constant reminder each time I look out of my window and see Moon’s bedroom close by. I wonder what he’s doing, and if he’s okay. He did have to bury his father and I know that wasn’t easy. Crappy father or not, I know that I wouldn’t want to bury mine.
Mom said that Lisa visited me once while I was asleep at the hospital. Mom said she feels so guilty, which she has no reason to. The blood tests from David showed that he had been drinking. Of course I already knew that, but that was information that I chose to keep to myself. She said that Lisa was a mess. I know that she is. I wish that I had enough strength to see her, but it would be too hard. I can’t face that woman. Not yet anyway.